Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Milton, please Shut the F*CK UP!

How is it that a simple innocent comment (“parking was horrible at the mall on Friday”) can lead to a nonstop 20 minute one sided discussion on navy slacks? How is that possible?? Please, if you know the answer, put me out of my misery so that I won’t fall into that trap again.

I mean, what if I say “I scuffed my shoe”, does that mean she will talk about the wonders of brown and black dress socks??

Then there’s my favorite "question". The one she asks oh, about ONE THOUSAND times a day: “Just out of curiosity...”

“Just out of curiosity, why did you wear those shoes today?”
“Just out of curiosity, do you know who opened the crackers?”
“Just out of curiosity, why are your eyes brown?”
“Just out of curiosity, who gave you those stickers?”
“Just out of curiosity, why do you think he ordered chicken today?”

"Just out of curiosity, do you know if it's raining... outside?"

I know you're asking “Just out of curiosity”! Why the hell else would you be asking? Not to solve the world’s problems surely! And that whole "raining outside" was a real question! She had to clarify in case I thought she meant inside! AAARRRGGHHHH!

Next time I’m gonna ask her, “Just out of curiosity, do you think I can kick your ass clear across the street without oncoming traffic turning you into an unidentifiable mass of dough?”

“Just out of curiosity, what do you suppose would hurt more, me stapling your lips shut or whacking you over the head until you’re unconscious?”
She drives me bananas!

I don’t know why but being ill makes me more violent… who am I kidding? I'm always violent but able to control myself when I'm healthy.
The Bats and Glynda. Starting at top row from left to right.
Toto, Cowardly Lion and Purple Dino-SOUR
Scarecrow, Glynda and Milton.

Don't let them fool you, they may look nice but they're all certifiably insane! Well, I guess you can be nice and insane... but I think they secretly love torturing me so that makes them mean.
Maybe it's all an act and they're really not stupid! Could it be I'm the crazy one? I just don't know anymore!

Okay, I know I'm being a sourpuss so this commercial will somewhat make it up to you guys. It always makes me laugh and think of my brothers when they were wee little ones and not pains in the tukus like they are now. Please click on it if you can.

Later dudes, I'm gonna go and have a couple of shots of Nyquil!


  1. Milton:

    "Thou hadst a voice whose sound was like the sea:

    Pure as the naked heavens, majestic, free"

    Wordsworth didn't mention the blue slacks, though...

    Just out of curiosity:

    Aren't you going to use that picture as the background on your laptop?

    I thought only sane people worried about their sanity?

  2. he's right, if you really are crazy you will have no idea till the men with the white coats show up,,,or so I've heard

    Bee, really now they look totally nice like

  3. how old is that pic? they look less oldie! im thinking my invite to your brothers wedding was lost in the mail? or maybe you didnt send one cuz you knew id be out of town?
    just keep interrupting her thats what i always did and she would just give up! i dont know how you can put up with them! do you remember when milton told me i had to leave the pens i used when i left? WOW!

  4. brian:
    If I put that picture as wallpaper on my laptop, I'd find myself slicing my eyeballs. Do you really want me to do that?

    jean knee:
    Yeah, looks can be deceiving. They start sweet then next thing you know, you're dripping blood all over your chair.

    Christmas 2005
    Sometimes I'm too well mannered, beieve it or not.
    I remember that! You were saying how much you liked a pen and she said you couldn't take it with you when you left. Wasn't it a pen we'd gotten from a vendor for free???? Do you want them? I've got tons of 'em here you can have.

  5. Can I have a Pen?

    We have to go through interrogation when we ask for office supplies at my company.

    Once I needed a few thumb tacks and when I asked for them I was given Pins! They of course didn’t work very well and then I was told to scout out other cubes to see if I could “Borrow” some when they weren’t around. So Finally I had to go to the director and ask her to please approve ordering some thumb tacks for me.

    Let’s not even mention the time I asked for a ruler!!! That was another traumatic issue…

  6. Nancy:

    Stationary is a support cost rather than core business, and to make the business more efficient support costs must be kept as low as possible.

    What seriously pisses me off is that managers are a support cost rather than core business, yet they don't seem eager to make cuts there ;-)

  7. Hey, just out of curiosity, who the heck is Milton?
    I have an aunt who does that stuff. Drives me crazy.

    I would also like to say that I like it when you're a sourpuss. You gave me some great ideas for threats for when the hubby tells me my head is too big again! Thanks Bee!

  8. Oh and I like pens too...hint hint...I like to use them to write with. I need a new pen....Where oh where could I get a pen?

  9. wow bee, you are once again an inspiration to someone.
    well, yeah I'm jealous......so?

  10. Everytime I go to a doctor's appoitment I steal a pen. By now I have tons from all kinds of drugs. Thats How I feel I get my moneys worth!!!


  11. I think I'm going to steal Milton's line to replace my line. I always get teased by, I won't mention any names, for beginning my questions with a phrase similar to Milton's...wink, wink. Anyone want to guess?

    SO, now it'll be: "Just out of curiosity..."

  12. I used to work at a polling place and we had to start practically every sentence with..."For statistical purposes only."

    Maybe you could write down a list of alternatives for her to change up her reparte a bit? You can use it to be passive/aggressive snark Bee disguised as a helpful/caring Bee.

  13. Click from a sick chick.

    Theraflu has not stemmed the flow of mucous.

  14. The bats don't look at all like I imagined them.
    And neither does Milton (who I've just read about for the 1st time ever).

    Nyquil? I'll have a double, shaken.

  15. Nancy:

    Okay, you would drive Cowardly Lion crazy! Also, Milton followed a man after he didn't give her her pen back!
    They're so special...[sniffling]

    Tracy, Milton is one of The Bats in my office whom I named after Milton from Office Space "where's my stapler" fame.

    jean knee:
    It takes hard work jean knee, hard work and a little bit (allot bit) of booze.

    Phukett! Free Highlighters too!

    I was wondering what that was.

    Yes! I like that! Maybe I'll say... "In conclusion" at the beginning of every sentence...!

    Did they look like winged creatures with fangs in your imagination? Was Milton invisible? :o)


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.