No nudity but some flab.
Proceed at your own discretion! Hide the kids. Slap the cat! Smack your boss!
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Ready?
So.. remember I said I was going to try to get in shape? Remember? It was in my insomniac post?? Come on you guys! You have to listen (or read) every once in a while! What if I'm drowning and I need you to fish me out of the bathtub?? Ummm, okay. Call Andy because some of you I don't trust! You KNOW who you are!!
Anyway, I was looking for some pin up girl pictures for umm, research on how long it took Google to produce images (.07 seconds! wow!) yeah, that's it. I came across my perfect pin up picture.
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Don't laugh! That is so disrespectful!
She looks a little taller than me but basically... yeah. I still think my boobs are bigger but you can't have it all.
As I go on my little deflabbing adventure, I will put her in my side bar. Each time I lose a few pounds, I'll narrow her down a bit. Not sure how I'm going to do that but hey! I figure it'll be harder in real life so chopping off a few love handles from Ms. Jellyroll should be a piece of cake! Or, erm, celery! A piece of celery!
Now if I could only find a machine like this one:
I'd wear a little more clothes in case of a friction burn, YIKES!What I need from you.
Whenever you can, if you remember, I need you to tell me how good I'm looking. Or how you can't even see traces of the chocolate chip cookie I smuggled in my hair.
Encouraging stuff like that.
I will not be starting my workout regimen until Monday because I have some food I need to eat so it doesn't go bad or feel like I'm neglecting it but after that, no sugary, fatty, creamy, delicious, mouth watering... ... ...
What? Did you need something? Can't you see I'm eating a bagel??
Wish me luck! Well, on Sunday I mean. Or now, you can wish me luck now if you want.
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Please stay tuned for the last post I will ever do of my brain dead assistant. I haven't done it because I've been busy at work (don't scoff! I can hear you!) so I haven't been able to type it up while pretending to work. I know, I feel sad for me too.
Later guys! This girl is beat and needs some snuggle time with her Georgie Bear.
Humor-Blogs
FIRST!
ReplyDeleteIf you're drowning in the bathtub, can I suggest that instead of looking for Scarlett to phone Andy or compose an SOS blog post, that you just pull the plug out???
Good luck with the dieting thing. The media go on about how bad it is to carry excess weight, yet I'm sure more people die younger from starvation than obesity.
Sorry, you can't expect cheery thoughts at 6:35 am...
Oh, yes, and just because you're dieting, doesn't give you an excuse to deprive us of NACHOS...
ReplyDeleteI ATE THEM ALL! I didn't want them to go bad.
ReplyDeleteMy downfall is insomniac eating...How else is a girl suppose to get back to sleep after 2 am? The laptop is like drinking 3 large Iced Cappuccinos, no help. Good luck, when you find out what works, besides starving yourself, let me know
ReplyDeleteJust take showers. We're unreliable.
ReplyDeleteIf you're looking to drop a couple of pounds I can tell you that getting food poisoning will do it, however I don't recommend it. If you take it too far you can get scurvy.
Have I mentioned how very damn good you're looking?
ReplyDeleteFuck the weight thing. If you turn into some bland calorie counting automaton, I will be VERY displeased.
& your right, that high heel hurt like hell.
DAAAAMMMMNNNN!!
Not just hot, Bee. No. SIZZLING! I wish you great, great luck and patience. Or should that be patience and luck, in that order? I need breakfast before my mind works well. I'll just have some toast and yogurt and raise a spoon to you. Here's another thought - work out while wearing high heels. Just the fear of not falling and breaking an ankle woudl be enough for me to raise my heart rate considerably!
ReplyDeleteBee
ReplyDeleteGood luck let me know if you need to get all that sweet suff out of your house.
what's wrong with curves? they're way better than bones sticking out all over
ReplyDeletethat's what she said
after that trustworthy comment, i feel like i should be parading around the outside of your house with a picketing sign that reads:
ReplyDeleteLET HER DROWN! LET HER DROWN!
...but i'm nice.
and... ahh... best of luck! ..with the celery. ADD RANCH! or PEANUT BUTTER!! something... add something.
I have been threatening to get into shape for years. I don't make good on my threats very often. Now I'm craving a bagel.
ReplyDeleteJellyroll is HOT!
ReplyDeleteyou're not alone in your crusade, I to am on that getting in shape bandwagon--I just haven't decided yet what shape I want to be. meh. anyway, I'll be feeling your pain and looking forward to fabulous progress reports. cuz if I fail, at least i can pretend I'm responsible for helping you succeed! :)
I have found that if you lace desserts with laxatives, you can endulge your sweet tooth and lose weight, too.
ReplyDeleteOh Bee, you know you're a knockout. You don't need to lose any weight.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the post about your assistant.
I'll take some of your boobs...at a 32-(barely A) I can stand to gain a few pounds there.
ReplyDeleteGOod luck!
Remember, when you wash your hair post-cookie-smuggling, ensure there is a lint/crumb catcher in your tub.
ReplyDeleteThis is critical, because those crumbs mount up, and can cause drain clogs.
Because cookie crumbs in the shower are hard to explain to Mr. Roto Rooter Guy.
My neighbors while growing had one of those jiggle machines. Glad I never saw her using it in that outfit. Eeeeew!
ReplyDelete"Please stay tuned for the last post I will ever do of my brain dead assistant"
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOoooOO!OO!OO!O!OO!O!
Oh please no.
I know, I am selfish, I only care about me me me...but Bee! I so enjoy reading about her
='(
Why is Opruhah on your side bar?
ReplyDeleteBee just remember that there's nothing hotter than a woman holding a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in one hand and an ice cream sundae in the other.
ReplyDeleteBelieve it. And get some sleep. You guys were up too late.
There is this great t-shirt that i saw someone wearing. It said:
ReplyDeleteI'm In Shape
Round is a shape
Good luck with your weight loss plan. Remember, mind over matter!
what you need is some snuggle time with a jelly roll. come over to the dark side.....
ReplyDeletePersonally, I swipe Teen's Adderall from time to time.
ReplyDeleteBut then I put it all back on because I consider Thursdays the start of the weekend and weekends are for nachos and micor-brews!!
No matter what I eat, I never gain weight.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately that does not translate into sexy as hell or even close.
Round is a great shape, indulge!
PS - Thanks for that sidebar credit, Bee!
Bee, if there is one thing I cannot stand, it is to be the only round one. So instead of calling ourselves fat, we are what you would call Rubenesque!
ReplyDeleteShe is the Rubenesque pear-shaped woman of ample bust, plump cheeks, soft-full lips, and a healthy profile of alluring curves and crevasses. yeah baby!
Ummm, shouldn't I be coming by to say things like "hey, put the damn cookie down, isn't your ass fat enough, Bee?!"???
ReplyDeleteI mean, if nothing else, it will motivate you to run all the way over here to Idaho to beat me up and that will burn a few calories, right?? :)
You look great! I see you shaking your moneymaker on your new avatar pic! That should be taking the pounds off fast!
ReplyDeleteI love jelly rolls so much that I'll even buy the prepackaged ones in cellophane and you know that's just wrong.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDiets are for skinny peeps Bee...come on you gotta know this....just say NO!
ReplyDeleteSilly grl!
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to lose a single pound! You look fantabulous just the way you are. Anyone who says different is just jealous. Curves are in for Fall.
Eve
Ever been on one of those old-school, jiggle-wiggle "exercisers"? It's not as fun as it looks, especially if you're drunk. A dive bar I used to frequent had one. Watching people fall/stagger off it was a bit of a spectator sport.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, may I admire you again today?
See this is why I think we were born in the wrong era. There was once a time when women who were curvy, much like Ms. Roll, and we were looked at as beautiful. In some countries, a man who had a wife with some packing was looked at as wealthy.
ReplyDeleteSkinny women were looked at with discust because they were too thin, did not have the wide hips to birth babies, and were just ugly failures.
What era was that exactly, Brian? I'm sure you'll know. I'm going to buy a time machine off of ebay and go back to that time.
And Bee, I love you just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteYou are lovely.
And in the words of one of the great Seinfeld Episodes:
You're sooooo good lookin!
As a child my dear mother once said to me:
ReplyDelete“You have horrible taste in music”
“You have horrible taste in movies”
“You have horrible taste in friends”
“You have horrible taste in your selection of jokes”
“You have horrible taste in books”
“You do, however, have a lovely ottoman.”