Friday, September 19, 2008

The exhaler stood a whole foot taller than me. I was at a complete disadvantage.

So the exhaler of the offensive snot was…….. drum roll please……

The semi retired doctor Mr. Rogers! ::shiver::

He is in his 70s and one of the nicest people I have ever met. He was kindly inquiring about the condition of my house. I was standing there (right there) going on and on and must of said something that made him laugh because he kind of snorted and BOOM! or SPLAT it landed on my black sweater.

Do not read on if you’re eating, have asthma or have mushrooms in your fridge.

I stopped talking and asked him politely if he could remove the dry mucus off my sweater so that I may go dunk myself in a gigantic tub of bleach –CLOTHES AND ALL—!

He was very embarrassed but then he did something even grosser, he took out his hankie, looked for a “clean” spot and then picked it off with enough force to make it crumble, and little bits became embedded in the fabric of my former sweater.

Above my left boob.

I didn’t think twice about him feeling me up since I was more preoccupied with getting to the bathroom and taking off what was now a contaminated-never-to-wear-again sweater.

Now, I have been in the exam rooms (for translating purposes) where OZ is suturing open wounds, I've been there when he's inspecting recent amputations, I've been in the hospital where he's told people they will be losing a foot/finger/hand, ME, a person who can't stand the sight of anybody else's blood (weirdly, mine doesn't bother me) and yet this is what made me want to guacjarackagag!

I almost projectile vomited 35 years of stored up bile (I know I'll need it one day)(kinda like those weird fish that spit out poison) right at Mr. Rogers which would have made us even in my opinion.

Gross.

I feel better now that I've shared my gruesome experience.

And yes, I went to the bathroom, removed my sweater and walked around in my hoodie.

In other news, I had to erase all my recorded "So You Think You can Dance" episodes because they were taking up 80% of my memory (on the recorder Brian, not my head) so now I don't know where I'm going to get my pretend exercise. I used to do a little upper body jam while my legs flailed around but now I got nuthin'! Just another thing to be pissed about I guess.

Humor-Blogs

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Tomorrow, I will put up a very important text box on top of the posts.
It's not about me and it will be serious. I ask that those of you living in the states, please read it and take action. I was going to do it today but it deserves more attention and respect than my usual nonsense. Please do not leave a comment regarding the subject because I have some emotional issues about it that I prefer the door remain closed. It will mean a lot to me if you come back to read it tomorrow. I'll put it up at 2:00 pm CST.

22 comments:

  1. That really made me laugh hard, bee, and want to always carry a hankie around.

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  2. Bee's Musings have become my muse - expect a PlainOleBooger story in your neighborhood soon.

    Brilliant story.

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  3. Remind me never to let my son within touching distance of you... he tends to find it amusing to try and wipe snotrockets on other people at times...

    He's TWO!! Whaddya want? Heh.

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  4. I hope none of the bats saw - Anyone who walked into the room at the wrong time would have wondered what he was doing with his hand there...

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  5. I think he launched his projectile booger just so that he can feel up your left boob, haha. He was probably thinking "awesome, direct hit. Hopefully she asks me to remove it now."

    buzz buzz

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  6. I'm disappointed, I came to see the action because you said, "The first person who says ‘ate it!’ will get their ass kicked over the interwebs!" Nada. Methinks you're a wimp in wolfettes clothing.

    Be back later though, for the serious stuff.

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  7. oh, so blech. a million times, and a million pieces, blech!

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  8. wow, I've never been hit by an old man booger. did you burn the sweater? I hope it wasn't your favorite

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  9. "Old Man Booger." Isn't that a classic blues song?

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  10. Um, that was the worst booger story ever. My son once picked his nose, handed over the boogie and then asked for it back a few minutes later. I thought that was rich. But no, yours beats mine by a mile. I love that you asked the good Dr. to remove it for you! Hahahaha!

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  11. zomg!! I guessed right! I would have done the same thing. Including hacking up bile. ewwwww!

    I'll be back tomorrow for the important info you're going to post.

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  12. I would not have freaked that much knowing it was a dry booger. Now a big ol wet one? Then I would have hurled!

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  13. Hmm... So all I have to do if I want to touch some woman's boob is to blow snot on it. Cool!

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  14. Bee, your booger blogging has led me to bestow a blog award on you. See my site for details.

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  15. LOL...I know it is completely GROSS but funny!

    I am taking action as we speak! to your headline note!

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  16. Hello Bee. Thank you for stopping by my place. I love your blog. You make me laugh and think. Blessed be always.

    HUGS

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  17. What colour was it? Did it clash?

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  18. Ahahahaha! I mean, oh you poor thing. *snorts*

    You probably did the same thing to someone in a former life and now it is coming back to bite you right in the... well left boob. :)

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  20. I am about to puke here at my desk.

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  21. Very few things actually gross me out, but snot is right at the top of that list. EWWWWW!

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.