Picture the scene.
Me sitting at my desk with my brand new hand brace thing which makes me look like a cool Michael Jackson (don't dispute my claim that I'm cooler than MJ please because I'm not going to let you), typing away, getting ready for my weekly meeting with OZ, whistling show tunes.
So cool!
Having prepared myself with my coffee IV, my newly sharpened pencil (for jabbing at my non IV arm) and my yellow legal pad for doodling little pictures of people before a firing squad.
Yeah, it seems like heaven on Earth, right? Don't be fooled though because the great mood is deceptive!
So there I am. Usual Friday self in nice clothes, face paint, hair all la-dee-da when Glynda walks in.
Glynda:
OZ wants you to go to Subway and gets his sandwich. [walks halfway out of the office]
Bee:
No.
Glynda: [comes back and puts her hands on her hips]
WHAT? DID YOU SAY 'NO'?
Bee: [lower lip jutted out like the naughty child I am]
I said 'no'.
Glynda:
But he wants a sandwich!
Bee:
Ask somebody else. I'm busy.
Glynda:
BUT HE WANTS HIS SANDWICH FROM SUBWAY!
Bee:
I understood the first time but I'm not going to get his sandwich anymore. Ask somebody else.
Glynda walks out. Comes back in. Turns around (dosey does) goes back out. Stalks back in.
Glynda:
I don't know what you're trying to pull but YOU need to go get his sandwich.
Bee:
No. I. Don't. If you'd like, I'll go tell him myself.
[stands there for a minute shocked, my phone rings, I pick it up and continue working so she leaves]
Comes back a few minutes later with a long list of accounts she wants me to bring in to meeting. Now, if you are not familiar with the way my meetings go I can understand you thinking it's no big deal.
BUT!
The fact is, by Thursday, I have my list of suspects and am just tweaking last minute things on Friday. For her to come over and give me a list of an additional 20 people at 12:30 on a Friday? Well, let's just say that a lesser woman would have pooped her pants and the pants of her neighbors. And maybe Indiana's pants.
Not this chick. This chick has looked the devil in the face (not for reals) (and Devil? I'm just kidding so don't make any special trips okay?) and laughed her ass off while trying on new shoes.
I hustled my ass and got all of those accounts ready just in time! Ha! You see, what they don't know is that I'm at my best under pressure. I shine, I sparkle, I
So Glynda, welcome to Fuck Off Friday on a Saturday!
I can't wait for the day I walk over to her and give her my, handwritten in blood (not my blood), 2 weeks notice.
When that day comes, I'm inviting all of y'alls to my house for a party! Okay, maybe not so much inviting you guys but asking you guys to send me flowers or chocolate.
Hey! Guess what we get to do today! If you guessed 'finish removing drywall, nails, glue and staples from my mom's walls then disinfect the bare walls and scrub them with chemicals' you hit the nail on the head! Yay us! How's that for a fun filled weekend??
Hope yours is better! :o)
P.S.You guys are sick! That was just a tomato!
Humor-Blogs
Bee, you need to ACCESORIZE with that brace, girl! Rock out with some tattoo doodles and studs for me, okay?
ReplyDeleteAnd oh what FUN the job sounds like! Actually, it TOTALLY reminds me of my time at the Podiatry office. Hmm, somehow I was hired as a med.assistant/surgical tech/computer management, but wound up with the BEAST who felt that she ran the damn place (not hers, that bitch) dictating filing and cleaning shit for me to do on top of everything else on my plate. Yeah. We did NOT work well together, and I wanted to stab her in the eye every.single.morning. and multiple times throughout the day. Ugh.
I think you should abandon the idea of finding another job, and instead set up your own company.
ReplyDeleteThat way you can be your own boss. No-one telling you what to do.
And you can work near home. There's clearly demand in the area for a personal lunch shopper...
they are sickies, I was the only one who saw just a tomato. don't try those ink blots, no telling what sick things they'll see. especially Brian
ReplyDeleteLooked the devil in the eye and laughed your ass off while trying on new shoes?
ReplyDeleteGood stuff.
I suggest you get that sandwich, and add some personal garnish.
You're giving them two weeks? Are you actually saving that pen.. er, tomato so you can use it's juice as a blood substitute?
ReplyDeleteI totally know you have a bedazzler somewhere... spiffy up the brace woman!
so who got him his sandwich? please no, he didn't get it himself did he?
ReplyDeleteSEVENTH! Um, this is my first FOF....and I am stoked. Sorry, I thought Glynda was supposed to be the GOOD witch? I love how you just said NO. Classic. Also, I've never been worried that someone will poop MY pants, let alone an entire state, but I am now.
ReplyDeleteAlso, so sorry to comment again. But I second Larissa's opinion about accesorizing that brace. Go get yourself a bedazzler or let me knit you something bright out of yarn. You won't regret it.
ReplyDeleteFight the power, Bee. That dude can drive into Subway in the morning and have his own damn sandwich made for later in the day. Blech.
ReplyDeleteHey. I, too, took a picture of my own hand for my latest article. We rock!
ReplyDeleteI'm with larissa in that I cannot believe you're wearing that brace as is - couldn't you at least have dyed it lime green or something?
ReplyDeleteI really don't like Glynda, Bee! You know what you need? A cane. That way you can accidentally trip her, hit her, smash her toes as you walk by and all you have to do is say "Oh, I'm so sorry" and there's nothing she can do about it!
ReplyDeleteIt works for me!
Oh and my new post is just for you!
You have very nice hands. Anyway, I dont know if you noticed but Im back. I know you missed me, its ok, haha.
ReplyDeleteIts funny how office people like to passively attack co-workers when people dont want to do things things they asked. I bet you anything, the boss, Oz, asked Glynda to get a sandwich for him and she decided to pass it off onto you. What a bi-Yatch! And I think you handled it probably the best way too. Took her jab, and threw one right back. Oooh, thats gotta hurt her pride. Nice job Bee.
Ha! I think I'm gonna like this blog. Nice respite from the doome and gloome.
ReplyDeleteHow's the wrist?
Larissa:
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about it! I do have some old patches from when I used to troll "The Alley" that are pretty twisted!
Thanks for the idea. :o)
We should all win the Lotto.
Brian:
But then I'd have to discipline myself and I can be a handful. :op
jean knee:
I know your mind is pure. I know it is because you own a cock and aren't afraid to use it.
Chris:
I have always been tempted to add a little something. I don't think they'll ask me again. :o)
Anndi:
yeah, I want them to suffer as they think of the impending doom of my leaving. But! If they piss me off, I'll be out of there faster than you can say "OUCH!"
Will spiffy!
jean knee:
I have no idea. None. Probably Glynda because she is his snot rag.
jenboglass:
She used to be good, then she quit and came back a bitch. We have to rename her.
jenboglass:
I'll spiffy it! :o)
FADKOG:
He's an asshole that loves to say he has women doing his bidding. No more errands for me!
John:
You have a very pretty hand. Looks soft........
Bill:
Lime green? HA ha! Maybe red. :o)
Tracy:
You're right Tracy! the things I could do with a cane!
Fly:
Thanks! But don't be fooled! I was holding my hand fat in by not breathing. ;o)
I was asking everybody in chat "Where the hell's FLy?" they told me you were away.
jannie:
Thanks and welcome!
Oh there is sometimes gloom and doom here too but we try to kick it in the nuts. :o)
Bee, I've always found that a handwritten resignation note (in blood) is always received better when it's followed by a middle finger while yelling "F--- Off. All of you."
ReplyDeleteJust a thought.