Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Read at your own risk because this chick is hot.

Except you guys.

There comes a time in every woman's life when she must decide between her sanity/health or chocolate, bagels, cheese, taco dip and other yummy treats.

If you're thinking I'm talking about dieting again you'd be wrong! See? You don't know me at ALL!

No, it's time for me to leave Arkham Asylum and look for another place for me to spend my daytime hours. There is too much crap going on in my life outside of work that I'd prefer to have a job that doesn't involve me wanting to strangle 6 older women with a lead pipe. (Sure they'd struggle some but I hear adrenaline and rage make a great cocktail that produces super human strength, I think I'll be okay.)(I am kidding of course)(maybe)

This means I have to update my resume which has become surprisingly hard.
How can I make "acted as a referee in multiple fights involving butt cakes, sausages and cheese"? or "found a way to call my coworkers dumb fucks to their faces without them knowing (by adding a new code called DF)" how about "am able to remove the blank stares off of people's faces who should know what the fuck they're doing by now since they've been here years longer than I have!!!!", sound professional?

See? Hard.

I know my blog will go through a weird stage because I won't be talking about their lack of grey (is it grey? or gray?? I obviously don't have much of it either!) matter but I need to regain a tad of the sanity I had when entering that nut house.

I'm tired of trying to find the funny in their idiotic behavior. I'm tired of doing everything for little pay and then still getting shit on. I've never let anybody do that before so I"m not gonna start now at the ripe old age of 35.

I seem to be cranky today. Could be because it's 150 degrees in my house. My AC is broken because of the flood and for some reason the bugs are making my indoors their outdoors!

I've been bitten by a mosquito 5 times! The same mosquito! How much of my blood can it take before it starts looking like Louie Anderson and/or explodes?? Fucker!

And! And! I killed a spider that was this big! No wait. Let me back up a little... IT WAS THIS BIG! The size of a fuckin' pineapple!

Sorry. Like I said. I'm cranky.

In other news. My work computer was hacked and spy-ware has been detected. When I went to OZ to ask him to let me buy an updated anti virus thingymabob he said 'nah, it'll be fine!'

THAT CHEAP BASTARD! He doesn't get that now I don't feel comfortable blogging from work because I don't want my passwords syphoned to some 15 year old in Malaysia who will hijack my blog and post nudie pics of transsexuals or pictures of dogs with their butts shaved.

Let's recap shall we? Work sucks. Wheather sucks. ASSHOLES-AT-THE-INSURANCE-COMPANY-WHO-ARE-NOT-CALLING-ME-BACK suck.
Mosquitoes suck.

Oh well, I'm sure tomorrow will be better. ::rolls eyes::

humor-blogs will be expelling me soon because I can't find the funny.


  1. Damn, I was hoping to find some shaved dog butt pictures on here...

  2. Hah...I was first. Well, now I'm second and all. Jeez...it just goes downhill that fast...

  3. I'm sure you'll manage with the CV - you're good at putting positive spin on things. Here's my attempt:

    Butt Cakes: Acted decisively and proactively to manage scarce resources in the face of competing demands.

    DF: Introduced innovative procedural improvements, getting buy-in from change-averse colleagues.

    Blank Stares: Repeatedly demonstrated coaching skills, advising more experienced colleagues in areas that were beyond her specialisation. Viewed by others as a problem-solver and role model.

  4. You know what else sucks, warm milk, coming home and having dishes to do, laundry that doesnt want to dry in one cycle, dogs that wont shut the hell up in the middle of the night. At least you have a fly on your wall and flies dont suck, haha, they buzz.

    buzz buzz

  5. That's disgusting! Oz won't protect your work based blogging from skeevy 12 year old hackers posting images of who knows what hideousness - burn that place down at once.

    Feeble-minded workmates stink, and I've had my share. I'd just get creative with the CV, something like "invented penicillin and radiotherapy" and hope for the best. I'm sure nobody'll notice.

  6. yowsa

    that cheap fiend OZ. he'll be sorry when he's left with all the bats

    Brian sure can put a spin on things. I may hire him as my life coach.

    I will miss all the bat stories, I've grown to almost love them

  7. Wow. I wish I would have know about the sausage and cheese fights earlier. Finding a new job sucks. But nothing beats being in the heat. At sucking, that is. I have no tolerance for weather over 80 degrees. I live in the mountains.

  8. yeah.. i want to quit my job at least once a week. mine is definitely not out of anger though... boredom.

  9. VE:
    Sorry! Maybe once I slip and type my password you’ll get lucky. ;op

    Congrats on being second!

    … … … Wow! How much do you charge? I sound half decent!

    Warm milk? THAT is the worst! The dishes, clothes and dogs does sound like my house though…

    “burn that place down at once.” Okaay but I’m naming you as my accomplice!
    I did invent penicillin. Also the *post it* note and ink.

    Odd that you should mention penicillin. I was eating an orange yesterday and noticed some fuzzy white stuff on it so I asked the nurse “hey! is this mold?” and before she looked she said “oh, you got a nice dose of penicillin” funny how I didn’t find that reassuring.

    jea knee:
    Yeah he’s a cheap bastard!

    In a way, I’ll miss them too. Kinda like when I had a planters wart on my foot when I was 14 and then had it removed. I missed the excruciating pain late at night… while sleeping soundly.

    They have been good to me in weird ways. They bring me coupons and little craft decorations for Halloween and Christmas. Their nickname for me is “young ‘un” or “barren”. Wait, what?

    Those fights were the things legends are made of that crush hopes and dreams to dust! Ha ha! Damn! I’m still crabby.

    Yeah, I hate the heat. We’ve been okay this summer but my mom has been cooking in my kitchen so it’s making my house too hot. (:’o{
    But the food is good! :o)

    That is my requirement for my new job. BOREDOM sounds like heaven right now.

  10. Sorry you're having such a bad day! I'm gonna have a bad day too in sympathy.

  11. Don't underestimate the motivational value of being pissed off/having a bad day. ;) I totally support the getting a new job thing. I completely loathed my last job and it was seriously killing me so I quit. Of course I'm still looking for another job, so I probably shouldn't be giving job advice! :P

  12. If you get a good resume update going, can I borrow it? I seriously can't find mine, and one day, if, say, my husband runs off with some gamer girl offa the Facebook, I might have to get a job, and my skills of late are weak!

    I wish you well, seriously. I know what it's like to have your soul slowly sucked out of you. Even if the person doing the sucking is paying you, it still feels cheap and awful.

  13. If you want to feel better about your life, just imagine those poor folks that have to shave those dog butts for a living.

  14. Can people really do that? Hack into your computer and put pictures of shaved dog butts on it? On now I'm worried. I will never be able to explain that one to my in-laws!
    You know what Bee? I think you're right. You should get a new job. Annoying people can only be funny before too long before you crack and go postal on them. The medical field is the worst too. When I was still working as a nurse, I would work with all of these hag nurses who thought they were one up on me because I was young and at first, yeah, it was funny and I told stories about them at parties and we all had a laugh. But when the thoughts of killing them come to mind, you gotta get out.

  15. Jacki:

    I was hoping it would just be one day but... and thanks!

    yeah, I have to find a new one before I can move on but I've got my panties crossed!

    Slowly sucking me dry until I don't even have an ounce of saliva to spit in their face. (still crabby) ;op

    Look, what you did for summer work is none of my concern.

    Yes they can and they did. What hurts me the most is that I can't do my daily blog hopping.

    Yeah this place is strangling my last little bit of creativity.

    Pray for me? :op

  16. Well Bee, I'd offer you a job here as my assistant, but it sounds like you've gotten plenty of the ID-10-T experience to last you a lifetime, so I'll refrain.

    That, and you'd have to move a couple thousand miles west in order to get over here.. It's not a remote tech position..

    Just think! You can offer to "fix" something for OZ, and then see how quickly the hackers get his info..

    Then you can remind him that you warned him about this happening, and that you hope it won't affect his credit too badly....

  17. there is no way to call another person a fuck without them knowing. on some level they know. it may only be a vague unease, they may not wish to acknowledge it, or whatever, but they know even if it's a vague suspicion on an unconscious level.

  18. Never mind the resume.... just show them your boobs ;)

    Or tell them about having been exposed to flying old geezer boogies and they'll hire you out of pity.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.