Why the f*ck did I wake up in the morning? Oh yeah...

So... I had a late night last night. It involved Mojitos and pomegranate juice and a naughty chat room. No, just kidding. I ran out of pomegranate juice.

Anyway, I went to bed at almost 3 AM, a lot little tipsy past my bed time. Got up at about 6 to um, make sure my head was still where it should be, went back to sleep and at about 9 AM my momma called me to tell me her place was flooded thanks to the massive downpour of Friday night and Saturday morning.

At first I thought I was having alcohol induced hallucinations:




But then the Easter Bunny came and kicked me in the ass and said "Yo' beeyotch! You ain't trippin' this shit is fo' reals!" Gah! I never knew the Easter Bunny could be such a ghetto asshole but there you have it.

It got worse in an hour's time.





My mommy's beautiful bathroom. What you don't see are 2 steps leading up to her spectacular jacuzzi tub.


So yeah. They are expecting The Des Plaines River to crest (that's when it's at its biggest)(and runs amongst the city folk)(to piss in our eye sockets) at 1:00 AM CST Sunday morning.



Picture taken by Andy at approximately 11:00 AM.
What this means is, no sleepy for me because I and the hubs and the moms live ONE BLOCK AND A HALF AWAY FROM THE RIVER. Normally, I know you'd be jealous because I can launch my canoe (if I had a canoe) into the river and pretend I'm Pocahontas (only cuter) right now I know you feel relief that you are not the ones about to float away into oblivion.

Do me a favor okay? If you see a short woman hanging on to a little brown dog with a bag full of shoes on her back, can you pull her out of the water? It might be me.

Anyway, here are the positives.

We still have Internet and cable. We were lucky to have my brothers, SIL and neighbors who are cooler than iced mojitos. We have each other and our health. Well, I did get a spider bite which I hope doesn't get infected because it's throbbing and looking mighty gooey (pizza anyone?).
.In the midst of all that bullshit, I was awarded with another award for being the brilliant person I am! It was awarded to me not only once, but TWICE in one day! How rock n' roll am I?

Thanks to John J. Savo The Authoring Auctioneer and Ettarose! John has written a terrific novel and Ettarose is me in another city (lucky other city).

The rules is to pass it on to seven wives for seven brothers but I'm not a rule follower so I'm going to give it to Tracy, Leigh, Brian (who won't take it because he is way too humble and prefers penguins), Humorsmith and Larissa because she is a Musician Mom.

To end this, I just want to let y'all know that if I'm not swinging by your place, like the crazy spider monkey I am, it's cuz I might be glub-glubbing under water. Peace be with you and pray this situation goes away for me soon 'kay?

Also, if you guys see that fucken asshole douche bag of Noah and his lame ass ark, tell him I 'm looking for him so I can kick his ass!

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Bee serious.

My heart and sympathy goes out to the IKE victims. :o(