Tuesday, October 9, 2007

2


Today marks the day of my second anniversary here at Hell Hole Is Us so to celebrate I have decided to be especially obnoxious to my fellow annoyers.

Here are my goals:

1) I will not respond when my name is called until they are standing in front of me. This could be dangerous because they will invade my space.

2) I will only answer their questions with another question. Example "Is the copy machine working?" me "I don't know is the copy machine working?" etc.

3) I will sing random songs from the radio out loud.
Well, louder than I normally do. AND play air guitar, piano, drums when called for.
The air instruments might be a little hard since it's something I've never done before but I'm always up for new stuff! (In a non-bondage type of way)

4) I will lock the back door after people go for a cigarette break therefore making them walk thru the front door and waiting room where patients will think they have the right to ask them why their elbow hurts.
This one will make me laugh because I've done it a couple of times before and they're always so confused.

5) I will answer my phone with the name of the company I used to work for then correct myself.
HA! I actually do that allot so there's no real challenge! Well, now that I want to do it I might forget so wish me luck.

6) I will act shocked anytime one of them tells me what they brought for lunch. Example "you brought tuna salad?!"
I don't know what I'll say yet once they respond "yes, why?" I'll have to play it by ear.

7) I will pretend something interesting is happening outside the window so that each one of them individually comes to check out the scenery.
I'll have to ad lib that one too but I'm thinking maybe a squirrel fighting a bird...?

I might update this list later AND might actually do some of these things the rest of the week. Still thinking about it.
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What?
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Are you feeling sympathy for them?
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Today Purple Dino-SOUR asked me how to change a simple simple SIMPLE thing on an account and she has been with the company for 18 years (18!).
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Milton (5 years) decided to lecture me on the importance of rotating paper boxes even after I told her it hadn't been me, I still heard it for an hour. I didn't know that paper could spoil but I guess if you give it a few years (50?) it'll turn to dust.
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Cowardly Lion (7 years) asked me how to change the ribbon on the printer.
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Glynda (20 years) asked me which tray was for the out going mail.
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Scarecrow (9 years) didn't bother me today but I'm sure she will in the future.
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You must remember 2 things:
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1) They are already crazy, what matters is my sanity.
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2) The moment you start feeling sorry for them it will stop being funny and the universe will collapse.
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Do you really want that on your shoulders?
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I didn't think so!
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Sincerely yours,
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Bee

16 comments:

  1. Second anniversary:

    Congrats. You can't have more than about 30 years left till you retire...

    I think it's great that you're not planning to make a fuss, just carrying on as normal.

    Though perhaps your colleagues would have prefered some (pain in the) butt cake to mark the occasion ;-)

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  2. I hated a co-worker so much at the warehouse I worked at that I went in and sawed the legs off her work table and peed on her box of plastic bags.

    Top that, Bee!

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  3. clickety click chick clique

    We're team members!

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  4. two years huh? Don't it seem like 20?
    Make them one of those kitty litter cakes to celebrate, it will be like fear factor.

    elastic did confess about sawing the legs off that work table, but this is the first I have ever heard of her peeing on the bags.

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  5. Congrats on the 2nd year!!!

    I don't feel sorry for them at all.

    What I want is to hear one story about each planned idea :-D

    That way I can giggle all week!

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  6. i just clicked here from humor blogs

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  7. brian:
    Thanks for reminding me of my life sentence although hopefully it won’t be all served here. (I might shiv someone)

    Butt:
    BWAHAHAHA! and gross!

    EWBL:
    My revenge is always more fun when they don’t know they’re being played because they just look at me with sweet confusion that makes me want to smack ‘em upside the head.
    Then laugh.
    Then smack again.
    Then laugh again.

    Yu-Uck!! I think you won your fight! :op

    jean knee:
    Yup feels like 20.
    That’s what I say about marriage too.

    Elastic:
    Yu-Uck!!

    Chris:
    I’ll keep you posted! ;o)

    jean knee:
    The clickys only work when you click from here to Humor-Blogs…

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  8. I agree with Chris, please share the stories after you have accomplished each thing on your list.

    Can't wait to hear them...poor ladies! (NOT!)

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  9. Who cares how you play air instruments? The worse you play them the more annoying it is. Oh, and dance. Crazy dance. That will irritate some even more than the air instruments.

    About the food thing- you can just go all enthusiastic back, "That's just AWESOME!!!"

    And for the window thing- I've done this. The best thing to do is just idly look out the window, and then gasp and shout. They'll come running and go "What?" And you can say whatever you want- just make sure it went away by the time they come. For example- "I just saw a streaker/a F1 car/a UFO/the President go by, but they're gone now." Maybe you can look out and crane your neck a little, and then you can go, "No, sorry, they're gone." Or if you want to be more wild, you can theme it. Like you can say the alien had been beamed up. The disappearing can even be the trick! Like, "I just saw the ground open up and swallow some dude on a bike!" I don't know.

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  10. Window:

    "Someone's running off with one of our highlighters" would probably work ;-)

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  11. or, someone ate an extra snack and there thet go.

    dand, just not as good as brians

    i've been doing the clickety thing backwards, so? no one told me

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  12. okay, I just clicked all different kind of ways so surely one way was right.

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  13. I wonder what the hell I said in the comment before last. even I can'r decipher it.
    hmmmmmm

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  14. ALL OF Y'ALL...

    I MUST ADMIT TO BEING A DUMBASS AND MISTAKING TODAY AS BEING MY ANNIVERSARY WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY THE 10TH!!

    ::SIGH:: MAYBE I SHOULD RETIRE...

    ANYWAY MY LIST WILL BE DONE WEDNESDAY THE 10TH AND I LIKE ALL OF THE SUGGESTIONS YOU'VE GIVEN THIS COMPLETE MORON! :o)


    insert old jokes here...

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  15. I used a Mork and Mindy lunchbox when I was a child. It made me the person I am today.

    A clicking fiend.

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  16. elastic says that to all her peeps,

    know what I say?


    The Horror!!

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.