Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Merry Adventures of the Cor-Ruts buying a Christmas Tree!

We went to the local carcass farm where it smelled yummy! Freshly chopped trees. Mmm piney!While I was sniffing out the best tree, Andy went to find a brand spanking new tree stand. Alas the husband came back all sad facey because he could not find them and he walked inside Home Depot and looked all over. I asked, "Babe, did you ask someone?" and he said "yes" but of course this person was not going to be helpful! Snowmen can be such assholes!

Then I asked "Babe, did you look by the Christmas trees?" and he answered "of course I did and there was only one rickety one!"
Somebody must have moved all these over by the trees when he wasn't looking! I told you the Snowmen could be such assholes!

We picked out the winner, I did not want another Archibald the Ugly incident!
Then we took it to the hot nice guy that was manhandling the dead trees and asked him to make it a wee bit shorter.
We then strapped it onto the roof of the car. And by we I mean Andy because I was sitting inside the nice warm car. He was moving so fast, the picture came out all jiggly.
We (not really we again) then had to do this and that (technical stuff) to get it into the stand. It took forever!
Here is me tapping my foot because it was taking so long and I needed to get to my blogging duties!
Ahhh finally! Our beeeeutiful Christmas tree! Archibald the Ugly is spinning in his grave! Sorry about the bad lighting again. Maybe one day I'll get that Electrician I've been asking for for Christmas.

Which reminds me of what my electrician said when we were driving home:
"Let me in the lane you douchebag! Thanks and Merry fucking Christmas!" then he giggled because he knows he is going straight to the naughty list!

To all the tree huggers who are all "environment killer! you die now!", according to this tag, this here is a green tree and the farmer will plant a replacement for it in the spring. ::rolls eyes::
If you joined the Secret Santa Can Suck It! and didn't get an email from me, let me know. It means somebody, probably my deadbeat assistant, made a mistake.


  1. They didn't need to write that on the label. Even with the bad lighting and stuff, that tree is quite clearly a green one.

    Fake ones are much better. Trees, I mean. No mess and no hassle.

  2. I think i will stick with my Charlie Brown Christmas tree this year. Your tree looks bee-utiful.

  3. does your electrician at least plug in the lights for the tree? ;)

  4. LMAO@ going to the local carcass farm with freshly chopped trees being HOME DEPOT...what no clark griswald kinda tree search?

  5. Pre-Lit fold up Christmas Trees for me! Not because I'm a tree hugger... Just because I'm kinda' lazy!

  6. They must have gotten a new shipment of tree stands in between the time Andy walked over by the trees and the time he returned to you. Those delivery trucks are rolling in and out all the dang time. Heck, sometimes, if someone asks me if we have an item, I say no just because I can be lazy like a snowman, so I can see Andy's excuse as a feasible one.

    (By "sometimes I say no" that doesn't mean I actually say no. I am there for the customer.)

  7. ooooh! omg- i'm dying at archibald- hahahha! i'm puttin' mine up tonight. i love this christmas crap! it just makes me smiley.

    i responded to your email. hahhahahah i love that it's secret santa can suck it.

  8. Honestly, I marvel at your patience. Those damn snowmen!

  9. I joined the Fake Tree Club long ago. Now If I can just afford to hire someone to untangle the lights each year.

  10. Oh man I assume I will be getting an e-mail in my love advice mailbag from your husband soon. Making him do all the work is a no-no both inside AND outside of the bedroom.

    Smarten up.

  11. Your tree is beautiful!!!!

    Don't you just love the smell of a fresh tree?

  12. Ahhh Atheism.

    It means not having to worry about that tree crap.

    Although it also means no presents and a heaping of christian persecution.

    oh well.

    Gotta be persecuted for something ;)

  13. You know what I can't believe Bee?

    There's no sombrero for a tree skirt!

    How can you claim to be of mexican origin if you're not going to even have any kind of stereotypical stuff in your house for us to poke fun at?

    Geez.. Sometimes you make the commenter's job so DIFFICULT!

    Feliz Navidad!

  14. Tried a tree one year, but my cats saw it as Feline Disneyland, and destroyed the ornaments, chewed through the light cables, and tore off needles and branches. They had a great time, and are probably wondering why I won't replace that toy.

  15. good carcass! I haven't even gotten mine yet. I'm so behind!

  16. We go for artificial and piney candles now. Poof, done!

  17. We go for artificial now too, no more Tree Stand Incidents. Also our cats used to drink the piney water and then, intoxicated, tried to climb the tree and bungee jump off it.

    But your tree is very beautiful!

  18. That is a pretty tree! I just got mine out of the box and put it together in 5 minutes. It's a shorty we got at Lowe's last year and comes with lights. We don't have much space for a big one.

    Now if I can only get hubby to put some ornaments on it, I'll be all set.

  19. Oh, these silly granolas and their treehugging ways. It makes me giggle. It's not like you went out and chopped the tree down yourself! Home Depot already did that for you!
    We always have a real tree and I swear to you every year something has been wrong with the damn thing. One year, everytime you walked by it, the wind from your walking by would make millions of needles fall off.
    Then we got the one that was way too tall and by the time the hubs chopped it down to "the right size" it looked like a Charlie Brown tree.
    We just need to get a fake one and spray it with tree smell or something.
    And I think it's funny that doing Christmasy activities makes the husbands curse more than ever. My husband curses more with the tree than anything else.
    It makes for a great show as I sit and watch from the couch with my eggnogg.

  20. I just wanted to say that I, in no way, shape or form, intended to offend any granolas that may visit your site.
    Please do not throw your sandals at me!

  21. Ok, I'm on medication ok?
    Please don't be offended dear Granolas!

  22. I have to drag ole Tannenbaum from the basement.

    What? No close-up pics of the hot, I mean, nice tree handler dude?

  23. Nice foot tapping action. I got mine yesterday too.

  24. I'm allergic to cut pine... Yeah. No real trees in my house.

  25. I love fake trees, too. Though I suspect one year Peter will get tired of ours and actually go out and get a real one.

    And leave it to you to make something boring into something hilarious!

  26. This is such a wonderful and touching story Bee.

    The last paragraph, just knowing that a farmer will plant a replacement for that tree in the spring made me teary eyed.


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