Friday, December 19, 2008

Bee, a bucket, water and some frozen nippies.

Okay you guys. You have to admit that the tiny black cloud that follows my household around is beginning to get a little irritating. I mean, don't the powers that be get tired of poking at us with their plungers? Sooner or later they'll have to move on and pick on somebody taller, faster, smarter…

I have mentioned we were having issues with our water heater. For the past few months, only one person could comfortably shower within an 8 hour period. The next person would be left with luke warm to icy cold water.

AND GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DID DISHES BEFORE ANDY TOOK A SHOWER!

We at least had some hot water. It worked out fine because I'd shower in the morning and Andy in the evening.

But then…

Thursday Morning approximately 6:30 AM

Andy:
Bee! We have a problem!!

Bee [startled out of a deep sleep where she was "dancing" with Brad Pitt]
huhn? Wha?

Andy:
The water heater isn't working!

Bee:
::sigh:: We knew that already

Andy:
No! It's not working at all now! There is NO hot water!
You'll have to get up and make my bagel so I can check it out.

Bee:
Make your bagel? It can't be THAT serious. [if my eyes had been open, I'm sure I would have rolled them]

Andy:
I don't have time for games, Bee. I'm already 20 minutes late.

Being the good wife that I am, I got up and spread cream cheese on his bagel. Done!

As Andy was running around doing Andy things [::rolls eyes::], I calmly grabbed my big pasta pot, filled it up with water, put it on the stove, gave Andy some matches so he could run back downstairs and continue his Andy things (even though my argument was to leave well enough alone since we would both be leaving for work and nobody would be home to save the dogs if the house went KABLOOM), I grabbed a 5 gallon Home Depot bucket, filled it up with water, finally talked Andy into shutting the water heater down completely and then had to explain to him what a Mexico Style Shower was.

Step One.
Put a full pot of water on the stove and wait for it to boil.

cell 12.19.08 018

Step Two.
Grab a big 5 gallon bucket* (doesn't have to be from Home Depot but the orangeness of it makes everything more cheesy) and fill it with water.

homedepotcucket

Step Three.
Put 5 gallon bucket in bath tub.

cell 12.19.08 016

Step Four.
Pour boiling hot water from pot into 5 gallon bucket.

pourhotwater

Step Five.
Grab a little container to use as a pouring device. Preferably plastic.

potty

Step Six.
Strip nahked and get into tub.

{picture of nahked woman}


Step Seven.
Pour water over yourself using the preferably plastic container.

purwaterover

Step Eight.
Lather, rinse repeat as needed.

wooomaninbath

I don't think I need to tell you what happens afterwards, right? The drying part should be something you already know.

I'm not going to lie to you, the water is warm but you will freeze precious parts of your body as the cold air hits you.

This is how we used to do it when I was younger and visiting my grandparents in Mexico. They only had one spigot where you could get water from so the bathrooms didn't have running water.

When I told Andy, he looked at me like I had grown 4 arms an extra leg and a turtle.

This is what happens when you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You go to pieces when you have to rough it a little bit and freeze your nippies.

The differences in cultures sometimes amuse me to no end. When I told the ladies at work they were shocked and horrified. When I called SIL Crazy Ez and told her we had no hot water, she right away asked "How are you showering? Mexico Style?"

That's what I'm talkin' about!

My only worry was that I would be smelling and maybe tasting like Fettuccine Alfredo since that was the last thing I cooked in my pasta pot but then I thought "well who the hell DOESN'T want to smell like creamy garlic sauce?" I'm getting hungry just smelling myself.


*If you are a little on the larger side, you can use 2 buckets for extra freshness.

P.S.

Who the hell told the muppets they knew how to sing? Enough with the muppet specials already!

Humor-Blogs

25 comments:

  1. First!

    Mexico stile showers are not fun but they getths job done.

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  2. I bet if you rub some Ben-Gay® on your nipples before your Mexican Shower they won't freeze.

    Try that out and report back to us on how it works.

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  3. I wonder how cavemen did it - they didn't even have Home Depot buckets...

    When we only had bottled water here, I was "showering" using the kettle.

    I hope you get your boiler fixed soon.

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  4. oooh- i've never been to mexico but i have definitely braved the showers. phew. that is no joke, homey. hope santa fixes your water heater when he stops by!

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  5. you know where they have hot showers?

    Y M C A
    its fun to stay at the Y M C A ..


    c'mon, sing it!

    Y M C A ..

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  6. i bet your co-workers would stick their noses up at my mexican air conditioning too. damn elitists!

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  7. btw when i was in mexico we used the public showers. i think i'd rather use a pot than do that again.

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  8. Bee you are awesome! I love the "let's just get her done however we have to do it" attitude.

    It totally rocks!

    Good luck with the boiler sitch.

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  9. I haven't done that in 20 years. What was the last thing you used those Home Depo buckets for?

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  10. We don't call that a mexican shower around here...

    we call those a farmers rinse... because back in the days of my mother n her 14 brothers and sisters... that's how they did things. Could you imagine doing that shit every time?

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  11. I hate the muppets too

    sooo very much

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  12. I love that the potty is used as your water scoop. That has a host of other problems for cleaning your self. Save the bath water broth for seasoned pasta later!

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  13. As I read your comment about the muppets singing, the next song on the iPod Christmas album that I'm listening to was one with Alvin and the Chipmunks! Too weird.

    I must mention that daily showers were NOT a part of the "Mexican" shower routine. Daily showers are a luxury that I think we take for granted at times. I remember going to Mexico for Christmas and having to take a bucket shower in a room without heat!! DO you think I was showering daily? NO WAY!

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  14. I may live in Florida now but as a girl I lived in Pennsylvania in the Appalachian Mountains. You saw the movie Wrong Turn....inbreds....need I say more? Tell Andy at least it was warm.

    Try draggin' your ass to the outhouse in the dead of winter in the middle of the night not able to hold it in because you got a tummy ache.

    MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN BAGEL!

    Wait - sorry - I meant to say Merry Christmas Andy!

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  15. Very nice. We called them Splash Baths in Kenya.

    But if it was really cold, I only went for strategic locations to wash. ; )

    Merry Christmas!

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  16. Bah, just tough it out. I still remember working at a camp one year and the temperature hit 30 degrees at night with no heat and we got to take cold showers in the morning. Good times.

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  17. "When I told Andy, he looked at me like I had grown 4 arms an extra leg and a turtle."

    Isn't this how loved ones are supposed to look at you?

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  18. I took many Mexico Style Showers™ at my Grandma's house.
    We did not have a fancy Home Depot bucket or a fancy little plastic container. Heck, most of the time we had no shampoo!

    See Andy, you can do it.

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  19. it's happened to us and I managed with the bucket OK.. my kids however went nuts! lol

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  20. I'm completely on board with the mexican shower in a pinch, but just one question...how do you boil water? :D

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  21. Umm... Why didn't he just put in a new water heater months ago?

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  22. Showering that way sounds so un-awesome, I'm gonna celebrate and honour you by taking a really long hot steaming shower, right now!

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  23. We had that same problem with our water heater for almost a year until our landlord finally replaced the water heater. We had to strategically plan showers and baths so that the water heater had time to heat up more water. We could only run the dish washer after everyone had bathed/showered.

    Sometimes I would end up bathing in the bathroom sink.

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  24. Hmmmm. I always called them "spit baths" but now I have a more high class word for it! Thank you! I always wished I could feel more cosmopolitan while lathering with no running water.

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.