Saturday, July 25, 2009

Rerun numero UNO. "What I need is hazard pay for all the purple nurples!"

-original date, Monday, August 25, 2008

What I need is hazard pay for all the purple nurples!

Glynda’s on vaca until Thursday, which is just as well since she and I had an issue over the brain dead assistant. Here is a brief synopsis: OZ wanted a report on what she had accomplished. I typed it up and left nothing out. HE went berserk and tore Glynda a new one, before my very eyes, for not firing her! More on her on Friday.

Anyway, she’s the only nurse on Mondays so Scarecrow needed help with an older patient who has Alzheimer’s.

I volunteered like so:
“Ask Milton. Oh, she's in the bathroom? Where’s Tin-Man? The hospital making rounds? Crap! Okay.”
She needed help putting him on the X-Ray table so I helped. Then she asked me to fix his pillow. So I did.
And do you know what that DIRTY OLD BASTARD DID???
He. Grabbed. My. Boobs!!!!

You know, the ones I took off the market when I married Andy? Those!


I almost died of shock right there! Only I controlled myself because my tender pechugas would have landed on his face. That's okay, he thinks OZ charges a lot, wait till he gets MY bill!

So now we have to amend Bee’s Rules for patients.

1) I will not watch your kid if you’re coming in for an exam. You can lock him/her in one of our closets.

2) I will not take your co-pay. Wait for the receptionist to come back from her pee break since I can't handle the pressure of putting a 20 into an envelope.

3) I will not get you a cup off coffee (the fuck??). I’m not your servant. If you ask me for one, you will see mild mannered ME turn into Red Face Spittle Woman!

4) I will not give you a lollipop if you are over 18. (unless you are a really hot guy)(hey, these are my rules and I can make any exceptions I want!) I will ask for ID (if you're hot I might linger in the bushes outside of your house). Don't use the excuse of having bad breath either because you can always carry mints.

5) Do not talk to me while we are passing each other in the hallway. You are a patient therefore beneath me.
And the new added rule:

6) You cannot grab my boobs! No! Bad! No grabby boobies! No! (unless you are a really hot guy)
You can, however, ogle me from afar. Maybe bring me some presents. I wouldn’t object to that.
HEY! Watch your hands! You can't grab my butt either! (unless...)


I want to thank Brian for scaring the ever lovin' CRAP out of me(!) by doing this post about my creepy stalker! Because of that I had to drink this very delicious pomegranate Mojito. Thanks Brian! I hope you're happy!


  1. Numero Uno!

    Thankyou for reminding me of that spider - now I'll probably have nightmares...

    Comment Rerun #1:

    It's amazing what old people get away with. It's something to look forward to, I suppose.

    I'm glad you enjoyed your drink. That spider is HORRIBLE...

  2. LMAO! I am sorry Bee but that was hysterical...

    Oh and btw I am still with gerard...

  3. never mind, I just checked urban dictionary

  4. I have to agree with Georgie on this one, this is absolutely hilarious! I wonder if that old man is a member of the DOMAI? Stands for Dirty Old Men Association Inc. :D

  5. That was probably the only action that poor man has seen in 30 years. ;-)

  6. That spider is big enough to have boobs.

  7. stupid summer reruns, im switching to a cable blog

  8. LOL @ nooter.

    I am glad you posted this rerun.. I didn't blog back then and have never seen it, so it's new to me.

    Do you watch Nurse Jackie? OMG.. hilarious.

    There is a young DR. on there who has tourets so to speak. When he gets nervous, he reaches out and grabs a nurses boob.

    Well..he SAYS that's why he does it.

    Loved this post, though I miss the cartoons ;(

  9. OMG! I love your list of rules but I cannot believe someone had the NERVE to grab your boobies!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.