Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ahhhh! El amor is forgiving, yes? Also Karma comes a-knockin'!

What is that thing people do when they may have gone over the top and mocked someone a lil bit too much because in reality the person they mocked on the previous post had a rusted piece of metal in their cornea that split into two pieces and they had to anesthetize the eye to remove it then scrape off the rust ring it left behind so I guess that person wasn't being a drama queen and was in fact in a lot of pain??

I'm not sure what the protocol is. Do I send muffins? Nah!

Instead, I gave my Andy the only thing I could find that resembled rubber tipped tweezers.

After he went to see Dr. Grim, Optometrists to the stars, he was told he had a piece of metal embedded in his cornea and it was leaving a rust ring. Dr. Grim told him it needed to be taken out by an Ophthalmologist (which I had suggested that morning but Captain Unreasonable had poo-poo’d the idea).

Once Andy called me, I hustled butt to get him in somewhere before 5 and pulled some strings (read begged and pleaded) with some cornea specialist in our area had to drop OZ's name but you know, perks.

The cornea dude had to scrape off the rust ring it left behind which ewwww! But! The good news is that now I may call Andy “Rusty” and he can’t get mad. Also, if he makes any more old jokes, he’s 4 years younger than I am, I can always say “at least I’m not the one who squeaks when they blink” “is that your rust or are you just happy to see me?” or “pardon me, I couldn’t hear you because of all the rust in your eye”. The possibilities are endless!

Hmmm it doesn’t seem like my apology is going as planned. Oh well! You can’t say I didn’t try. (No you can’t!)

Okay, as payback for my incorrigible behavior (catholic school tried), I went to a neurologist today because I’ve been having too many issues with the old bod’ and the diagnosis my regular doctor (and even the orhto to a certain extent) aren’t jiving. Nothing serious so don’t go buying a black dress but I wanted to know what’s up. I gave him my symptoms and he said maybe peripheral neuropathy (I would need an MRI and EMG -which just the thought of an EMG makes me poop my pants- to be sure) but he first wants to rule out restless leg syndrome (I said to the doctor "But my legs don't flap around violently like I'm trying to be the next Michael Flatley!" the doctor looked at me with his one bulbous eye and one squinty eye and replied "That's not what RLS is" then he studied me in silence for a minute and I closed my left eye because it was watering) so he gave me Mirapex.

The same Mirapex I first mocked here.

MIRAPEX can cause serious side effects, including:

falling asleep during normal daily activities like driving.
• low blood pressure when you sit or stand up quickly. You may have dizziness, nausea, fainting, or sweating. Sit and stand up slowly after you have been sitting or lying down for a while.
hallucinations. You may see, hear, feel, or taste something that isn’t there. You have a higher chance of having hallucinations if you are over 65 years old.

excessive gambling or sexual urges

Karma, no?

Anyway, if you see me driving while sleeping, playing blackjack and talking to no one whom I’m referring to as Brad Ryan Reynolds Pitt, just let me have my moment m'kay?


  1. I'm glad Andy's rusty eye got sorted out in the end.

    I'm glad I don't have to buy a black dress - I'm not sure what I'd do with such a thing.

    Are there any laws prohibiting gambling whilst driving?

  2. How do they define excessive sexual urges?

    Just asking cause I may want to get my wife a prescription for that medication.

  3. Poor Andy, eye pain and metal in the eye are no laughing matter! I was lucky, when I got a piece of metal in my eye, the doc got it out real easy with a magnet, but it wasn't stuck into the cornea, and I had gone into emerg as soon as I felt it hit my eye!

  4. Rust in the eye? Ouch! Thank goodness it's out.

  5. at least you didn'y get the one that causes oily anal discharge


  6. you are cold! your poor husband was at deaths door and you do nothing but mock him! i feel for ya andy!

    michael flatly is a freak of nature.

  7. Yikes! Poor Andy. As for your meds, having sex while driving can also be dangerous.....or so I've heard.

  8. Being a pain in the eye is sort of like being a pain in the ass. They both are three letter words consisting of only two distinct letters...ok, it's a stretch. Get him an iphone and then buy my patented stap to conver it to an ipatch...

  9. Well...i meant STRAP...STRAP! I can't it if my fingers mutiny on me at the keyboard...

  10. That eye story is almost grosser than the one I'm posting tomorrow.

  11. he should have worn a patch for a couple of days and talked like a pirate.

  12. I believe the proper medical term for RLS is "Jimmy Legs". What would happen if the meds kicked in and you passed out mid-sentence while talking to OZ? Tell Left Eye I hope he feels better.

  13. As a sufferer of Ommetaphobia I had to rush over the rusty parts. Sorry, Andy, you're on your own.

    If the urges get too bad you can always go over to BareFoot Foodie and buy some of those plastic oscillators she's always pushing.

    I always like the MRI's and EKG's -- you just sit there doing nothing and get credit for doing something.

  14. I had this same problem while using a titanium condom. Long story short, don't ever have sex with a microwave.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.