Monday, July 6, 2009

First the mail makes me giggle then it kicks me in the nuts!

So I was going through my mail and found a catalog I've never gotten before. The clothes were more for women in their late teens early twenties but I was browsing through it anyway when I came across this gem:


I just want to ask why? They're called harem pants but maybe a better name would be "chastity pants". They remind me of something but I can't quite put my finger on it...


Okay, so after I had my giggle, I found this piece of offending mail.


Ummmm, I have never lied about my age but I'm thinking that if I ever start, it will be to take some years off instead of adding them. And also, when (I hope) I turn 40, I will be acting the same way I do now which is basically ageless with a hint of immature. Bastards.

Just to clarify.

Andy’s awesome gift of tweeze came a couple of weeks after the gruesome one hair discovery. We had the idea for the comic ready but he then became too busy to draw it until this week. When the piece of metal lodged in his eye, I already had them which is why I was stunned when he asked if they were rubber tipped. I wanted to respond “did you buy rubber tipped tweezers? um no!” but I figured it would only make Captain Unreasonable angrier.

To answer Brian’s question about my computer cart, it is still alive and kicking and it has not been broken in a fit of rage which is what I think he assumes happened to it. The Christmas after Andy gave me my laptop, my MIL gave me a lap thingie for when I wanted to sit on the sofa and type maniacally (try it, it’s fun) while watching TV.

In other news.

I took myself off the Mirapex. I was so fucked up on Saturday that my guard was down and therefore Andy scored about 20 zingers to my 1.5 (.5 because I started strong on one and then fizzled at the end).

That sucked.

I had to resort to such classics as "oh yeah? well you're a chicken fajita head!" Lame.

Larissa said she takes it and is okey dokey but I wish I would have hired a camera crew to follow me around on Saturday because I was like a female Ozzy Osbourne stumbling and stammering about the place and arguing with light poles (I won every argument in case you're wondering)(no headbutts involved). I finally had 3 cups of coffee which seemed to snap my brain back to its rightful place and end Andy’s reign of zingers but I can never take back his victory dance.

Well, that's about all for today.

Oh yeah, somebody tell Erik Estrada to shut the hell up!


  1. FIRST!!!!!!!!

    Thankyou for clearing up the computer cart mystery.

    I had to look up Erik Estrada on Wiki, but I'm still not clear why you want him to shut up. It said that he went to the Shenadoah Apple Blossom Festival. Is it related to that?

  2. Umm...why would you want to buy your teenage daughter something called harem pants. Do parents not know what a harem was?

  3. YIKES! Bloomers!

    Harem? Um, no.

    I don't wanna act my age. That's no fun!

    I'm always on the couch with my laptop. I've got a fan that attaches to the USB port that keeps it cool.

  4. Glad to hear you're not taking it anymore Bee! That sounds like one messed up drug!

    By the way, I've got something stashed at my place for you, I hope you enjoy it!

  5. Yeah baby... nothing says "hot babe" like a saggy crotch.

  6. looks like some of M.C. Hammer's old pants

    can't touch this

  7. Dear Eric Estrada,
    If it wouldn't be too much trouble please shut the fuck up. You have offended Bee. Stop it now

  8. i was jogging yesterday and a chick had on a pair of those weird -took a dump from the front- pants. i just assumed she was part of a traveling circus.

    age aint nutin but a number!

  9. Chicken fajita head brings back memories of one of my old favorites, fat head.

  10. I always call my husband shrimp toes because his toes look like shrimp. Are you surprised I no longer eat shrimp?

    Give me a pair of jeans sandals and a t-shirt and that’s all the fashion I need!

  11. Good to have you back Bee. Find someone you don't like and slip them a Mirapex Latte. Then enjoy the show. Those pants look like maternity pants that have lost their support. The term "fugly" comes to mind.

  12. I'm just glad the piece of metal lodged in his eye wasn't a light post...

  13. Ok, ok ... acting your age so somebody can sell you something is the WORST idea I ever heard. Full stop. This makes the ravages of the Cold War seem sensible, restrained and reasonable by comparison.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.