Friday, April 10, 2009

If someone told me 20 years ago that I would get old, I would have laughed in their face and said "Shut up stoopit!".

Sooooo as you may or may not know I work for an Orthopaedic Surgeon’s office. I’ve complained mightily about all the crap I have to put up with for average pay (and we can all agree I am an above average woman) (with an above average fixation for shoes and flowers/plants/garden stuff) and no glory.

However, one of the fringe benefits for working in an Ortho office, and being liked by the doctors and their nurses, is the fact that I can say things like “It hurts when I do this….” and I immediately have 5 different opinions and diagnoseseses (diagnosi?) free of charge. You need an X-Ray? Come on down and say cheeeeetos!

Anyway, I couldn’t stand the pain in my hands anymore. They’re not bad everyday, like right now I’m all typey typey clickety clickety and I’m fine, but when they are bad, it feels like I’m the new wolverine experiment and they are inserting adamantium into my body (no, I am not turning into a comic book geek, I just happen to know a lot of things that then become useful when posting about fictional characters and metals). I know that would be cool because I’d be able to lance Andy’s pimples without getting too close for the splatter but it’s still major ouchy! I called the front desk from my office (literally 10 steps away, I counted) and asked for an appointment for day of the lord Thursday. I would be Mr. Roger’s first patient. The other fringe benefit is being able to go in to see the doctor while on company time and still getting paid. Woohoo! Look at me making minor bucks while reading a magazine in the exam room. Don’t you wish you had my job?

Weirdly, my main concern for this exam was my armpits. I know you just shuddered but get back over here so I can tell you why. You see, my skin is as delicate as the wings of a butterfly so I cannot do the pit shaving as often as one would like.

Stay right where you are! There’s more.

This leaves me with some undesired uh growth but lucky for me, I haven’t yet embraced the monkey within so I don’t have jungle pits. Still, I did ask his nurse if I was going to need to disrobe for the occasion because I would then need to take a razor and… well, you know. I wanted to avoid this at all costs because I break out in a rash for a few days after I shave and I have to walk around with my arms out like I’m about to take flight until the burning feeling goes away. I was instructed to shave anyway. Sweet nibblets!

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s kind of weird to go see a doctor for your hands and then have to take off your top. Maybe that’s their fringe benefit?

Last year he diagnosed me with rusty old shoulder syndrome and this year it looks like it might be carpal tunnel syndrome. But don’t fret because if I do need the great and powerful OZ to perform surgery on me it will be, say it with me, FREE OF CHARGE!

Again. Woohoo.

After my exam update.

I do have carpal tunnel but it seems to be mild as in it will only make me feel like I was kicked in the balls every once in a while as opposed to every day.

Mr. Rogers gave me some suggestions on how to help with the pain one of them being to walk away from my keyboard every 45 minutes with the horrible one being, wear wrist guards when I sleep. Say whhot?? On the positive side, I'll probably sleep more comfortably if I accidentally bop Andy over the head when he’s invading my territory.

Here are my happy hand x-rays.

handxray handxray2

Sorry my bones look a little chunky but that’s only because I’m retaining water at the moment.

Never let it be said that I am trying to fool you into thinking I’m super hot. I mean, I did a post about my body shape, the one weird black hair that grows above my lip, the adult acne and now the unshaven condition of my arm pits. It’s a wonder Andy hasn’t left me, really.

Also, I didn’t have to remove my top so the shaving of the pits was unnecessary! The hell!


In other less depressing news, I just finished reading Chris Wood’s book Sherlock Holmes and the Underpants of Death and it had me in stitches! The man is a hilarious writer who has a flair for bizarre scenarios. I’d call him a genius but then he already knows that.

If you want to give yourself a good laugh or anybody else you might like to share the joy of laughter with, go here:

Sherlock Holmes and the Underpants Of Death

You will not be disappointed. Unless you hate laughing and if that's the case you and I can't be friends.


  1. FIRST!

    "It only hurts when I blog."

    Carpal Tunnel's no fun. I hope that the pain does get better...

  2. UGH! That is a bloggers worst nightmare! I occasionally suffer from it as well. Oddly enough... I didn't have to take my top off for the good? doctor to tell me so. I hope it gets to feeling better soon.. those braces are a pain in the ass!

  3. Why would you think you needed to flash the doctor for a hand exam?

  4. oh i have hair above my lip too! maybe we are soulmates

  5. First, is the DR. that you had to flash cute?

    Secondly, an orthopedist office would be the absolute worst place in the world for me to work. I'd spend all of my working hours having my real weird bone maladies (Keinbach's disease) and my fake weird bone maladies (shin splints of the knee) diagnoses and treated. The doctor would probably go broke.

  6. You do shower frequently, don't you?

  7. Yikes, Carpal Tunnel's a royal pain in the ass! I hope you can get it cleared up and dealt with, without too much trouble!

    As for your title, I wish I could say something like that! 23 years ago, I was told I'd be in a wheelchair within 15 years. Proud to say, 23 years later I'm still walkin' :D

  8. Buy a decent keyboard, stat. Seriously, a normal plank keyboard is an ergonomic nightmare - especially if you touchtype.

    Do yourself a favor and buy a Kinesis keyboard or something similar (not one of those just-barely-better-than-normal Microsoft boards, they are still horizontal which is a bad idea), and check out the typing injury FAQ at Things won't get any better otherwise but they will definitely get worse.

    I was losing sensation in my hands when I switched to a proper split and angled keyboard - and that was a decade ago and my hands are fine, even though I type a lot every day.

  9. Brian:
    The doc scolded me for not taking pain killers when I’m in pain. I told him I didn’t want to become a druggie sitting outside of the home improvement store waiting for somebody to drop me a penny.

    Yeah, I was surprised when I was told I might have to but lucky for me (and him) I didn’t.

    The nurse told me I might have to remove my top. It’s not like I wanted to recreate a Mariah Carey cover just because.

    I too love snacks…

    He’s okay looking for a guy in 70s. ;o)

    That is a very personal question! Do I go around sharing all my intimate grooming habits with all of you?
    Oh wait-
    Yes. I shower every day.

  10. Skye:
    I am going to follow the docs advice and hopefully it will be better. I definitely do not want the surgery.

    Thanks! I will definitely look into that since I know they’ll pay for my comfort.

  11. awww
    your bones are so cute Bee.

    it sucks about the carpel tunnel but at least you work in the right place, well, except fot all the insanity and Milton conversations and pubic hair on bathroom seats and stuff.

  12. hey, do you want to see an x-ray of my scoliosis? I have an S curve

  13. DOM:
    Thanks! :o)

    jean knee:
    Yes! Show us yo' bones!

  14. I'm just like you when it comes to disrobing for a doctor. When I go in for my yearly pap, I have to make sure my legs are shaved (as well as everything else) and my toes are painted. I'm sure they could care less, but it makes me feel better!

  15. Uhhhh, if you shave more often, that rash will stop. I learned that the hard way when I stopped shaving when I had the cast on. Major Rashes. Now none.

  16. Yeah. We really have to use our hands in some jobs.


    Does ice help?

  17. It's Saturday, where's the Married and almost tolerate each other cartoon?

  18. Wrist guards in bed... Sexxxy. Do they sell them at Victoria's Secret?

  19. I think that you have perfectly proportioned bones. Those are some lovely bones, Bee!
    The Hubs and I could do surgery on you so long as you don't mind the "O.R." actually being our kitchen and the anesthesia being me hitting you in the head with a hammer and feeding you shots of tequila.
    We're cheap though!

  20. Sorry about the sore hands. I had to have surgery several years ago but it was the dorsel compartment that they had to operate on. They did a nice slit on my left wrist. Other than looking like I tried and failed to off myself, I'm fine now.

    I read Chris's story a few days ago and I laughed so hard I almost died. I love his humor. (It reminds me of Robert Benchley's style)

  21. Thank you so much for mentioning my book! I've no idea how I missed this, except that I spent a few days off the net while I was away and unfortunately this is one I missed! Doh!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.