Okay my brain still has the acumen of applesauce (and the same consistency) in that neither could form a thought to save itself from being eaten by toddlers... I really don’t know what that means.
I want to thank you guys for being so nice to me and wishing me health. If I sound shocked it’s because I am. In fact, I was so shocked I was thinking about you while I was in the bathroom debating whether I should leave the door unlocked in case I keeled over so that Andy wouldn’t have to break the door down. Don’t ask me why that thought popped into my head but it did and I’m all about sharing.
Anyway, on Friday OZ let us leave at 1pm. That was awesome for many reasons but the main one was that I would be able to take niece Natalia to the movies to see Hannah Montana (totally against my will, you understand) earlier than planned. I had called my mom and told her of the possibility of me getting home early so I asked her to make sure Natalia was ready to leave. When I got home she was still in her froggy pajamas (my niece, not my mom)! So I had to wait and wait while she diva’d herself up.
I’m sure all of you have intelligent children and/or nieces/nephews etc but I have to say that my niece is way smarter than all those kids you know. Sorry but it’s true. As she was strapping herself into her booster seat, she was questioning my logic in getting to the movies so early because hello? we would have to wait longer and then she might have to go to the potty and “you hate public restrooms, Tia Bee”. I told her there would probably be a long line of teeny little girls just like her waiting to see the movie and we must MUST get a good a seat! Then she distracted me by asking “I don’t suppose you’d want to buy me a blue icee, right?” Her wish is my command.
Now, call me naïve if you want but I thought since it was early in the day, the throng of obsessed little girls would wait until the later shows… DEHN! I was so wrong. I did get approval from my 6 year old niece though when she said “hmmm you were right in us getting here early. Look at all these little girls!” I bought our tickets and then felt a little jealous when they gave her some Hannah Montana cards but I got nuthin’! How about something for the adults, Disney? Maybe a Shirtless Stud cards? I'm just sayin'.
While we were waiting in the roped out area (and she was slurping away on her blue icee, sticking her tongue out at me and being all wiggly), there were moms leaving their daughters standing in line while they went to get snacks. All the little girls had a friend with them and I felt bad because my niece was just stuck with me. I guess I could have asked her to bring a friend but I’m not very good with other people’s children. I’d probably forget about them and they’d be sitting in my car while I was enjoying my nachos.
One little girl cracked me up. Her mom and some other lady were making stupid jokes. Saying stuff like “I hope I don’t lose control and start singing!” and “Ooh! We should have brought our Hannah scarves!” when they went to go get snacks the little girls says to her friend “my mom is such a dork! I don’t know why she thinks she’s being cool since Hannah is for young people and she’s so old!” friend asks “How old is she?” daughter answers “I don’t know like 50 or 30? She has a blog though so she thinks she’s cool”
The hell you say little girl!
If you’re bored, go on down to the Announcement portion of this post. I won’t get mad.
And we're back!
Once we settled into our seats (let me remind you of my perfectly thought out seating plan of being directly in the middle of the row in case people have to use the bathroom or need another soda, they either go to the left of me or to the right but never have to walk in front of me because that wouldn’t make any sense) I found out my niece has no nacho-eating-etiquette for you see, little miss thing does not like cheese on her nachos.
While I argued that nachos were all about THE CHEESE she diplomatically said “I’m not telling you HOW to eat your nachos. I’m just asking you to keep the cheese in the cup and not spread it all over the chips. How do you know you don’t like dipping the chips in the cheese unless you try it first?” ahhh sooooo, the student becomes a big pain in the butt.
I refuse to admit to liking this way better!
After waiting half an hour for the show to start and the theater slowly getting to a deafening pitch, I looked around and then I broke out in a cold sweat. The amount of kids in there were enough to make me have a panic attack but wors was suddenly realizing that if Natalia had to go to the bathroom, there would be no one to save our seats and then we would be the ones stepping on people as we walked along our row. I almost asked her if she needed to make a quick pit stop before the movie started but then I was afraid that power of suggestion would be my worst enemy so I kept my mouth shut.
The movie was good but the best part was watching her sit at the edge of her seat and then take control of the arm rest while a chick in her 20s lost. THAT is my little girl! I didn’t get to see the last little blurb of the movie while the credits were rolling because she had to go to the potty. While we fought our way out of the theater and made our way to the bathrooms, where I beat an older lady to a stall so Natalia could go in, I was glad it was just she and I for I proved I could survive preteen Hannahmania and not have a mental breakdown in the middle of it.
Natalia survived too, even though she didn’t want to share her Hannah Montana cards.
There will be no "Brian reviews…" on Thursday because it is Andy’s anniversary of the day he got lucky enough to make me his wife so I will post his interview then.
Apparently BlogHer is meeting in Chicago in July and I must have been living under a rock because I didn’t know. I am now getting bombarded (not really) with people wanting to meet me in THE FACE TO FACE which I am still debating because I’m all about mystery. I might be persuaded to make an appearance if say, they buy me some Mojitos, Piña Coladas and a maid. My brother Rick just said he'd go and pretend to be me. I told him it would kind of work only people might notice because he has a penis. Besides, I have way more facial hair.
Also, Easter was postponed due to my illness so I will be having it on Sunday but nobody is invited. Jesus would want it that way.