Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Yet another day at the crappy Laundromat.

I am seriously thinking about just washing my clothes in a giant tub and stomping around like Lucy did when trying to make wine... only drunker.

lucygrape stomper I figure it'll make my clothes cleaner and also give me the much needed exercise my butt needs. I'm just hoping I won't land face down in the tub and then accidentally drown myself in the process.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to market that as the new weight loss fad and I will only charge you, because we're buddies, $29.99 (tub, water, soap, booze and clothes not included). No need to thank me for the special offer, it is my pleasure.

We tried yet another Laundromat from hell and this one provided us with some unwanted entertainment. There was a couple there with 3 kids who came to do laundry as a family. Right now you're thinking "Family bonding over suds and fabric softener? How cute!" You'd be wrong though. It seems the guy might have been checking out some chicks and the wife went ballistic (as she should) at his eye-wandering sorry ass.

Now, if they didn't have those little tykes as witnesses to their horrible behavior, I would have grabbed some popcorn and enjoyed the show. Instead their kids just kind of stood by silently while their father called their mother a bitch and their mother mocked their father by implying he wasn't much of a man.

Here are some random little snippets from these paragons of parenthood:

I don't give a fuck whose listening! (maybe I should have stopped walking back and forth looking for change?)

What about the kids? They're kids! They won't remember this later! (au contraire mon ignorant douche, I remember each and every argument my parents had)

Oh please! Like you would know what to do with one of those women if you had them! (he has 3 kids, I think he'd know)

Don't push me! I'll call the cops!

Do you think I care if I'm locked up? I don't give a fuck!

Where is the goddamn attendant?


I don't know! It's not like I own the place!

Yes this is your place! You're the one who wanted to live in the fuckin suburbs!

Wait a second! Do not go offending my little suburb! That was over the line buddy!

Now we are at the nucleus of the problem. He was taking out his frustration on his wife because he feels he would get better treatment in a Laundromat located in Chicago. I hate to break it to you sweety but THEY ALL SUCK. Be it here, France or the moon, they're all dingy, dirty and smelly. I remember hearing about one in New York that had a bar in it. That one sucks too but you're too drunk to figure it out until you wake up with a hangover the next day and wonder why there are rats mixed in with your whites.

We can't get a new washer until the laundry room is rebuilt which is closer to being finished than not but oh dear lord is it dragging.

So anyway, if you're looking for me, I'll be in the backyard playing a fiddle while I'm knee deep in sudsy water and dancing a jig.


"I can't reach the clothes line, Pa'!"


You guys were all extremely supportive of my new movie making endevour but I snorted when I read:

Blogger People in the Sun said...

I laughed. I cried. But most of all, I think you have provided a mirror to society.

That part where the two lovers meet on the driveway, then go their separate ways... I need to be alone now and reflect.

April 6, 2009 11:01 PM




  1. OMG!

    I h*te it when entire families have to do errands together!!!

    Especially at the grocery store. Seriously. Can't the kids just stay home with either mom or dad? Why does shopping from a grocery list have to be a group effort?!

    They always get in my way.

  2. You pretty well described every single laundromat everywhere. And for some reason, laundry seems to bring out the drama, too.

  3. do you remember the old days of having to get up at 5:45am so we can get our butts to the laundromat at the crack of dawn to wash 6 huge ass laundry bags that contained the clothes of 7 people.... ????

    You remember? Yeah?

    Ok, not thank your lucky stars that at least it's only 2 peoples laundry you have to do there!!!!

    Just trying to find the silver lining for yah... :)

  4. stupid keyboard...

    it should read

    "NOW thank your lucky stars..."

    Forget the not....

  5. It's a fact that wherever you have to wash your unmentionables at, is where you'll find the unmentionables in need of a washin' like those folk. :)

  6. This post gave me laundromat flashbacks. I would always leave feeling so dirty in an effort to get things clean.

  7. Nothing quite says "white trash" (or even ethnic trash) like the family that goes into public to get into a fight....

    Now if only you had a trailer instead of the house Bee...

  8. I hope it getsdone much sooner now that you have had to endure the "parents" from hell. How horrible to not only act like that in public, but to be in public AND with the kids... serious white trash.

    That comment cracked me up too!

  9. Maybe it's time to impose upon friends with washers. Unfortunately, you will be permanently indebted to them.

    I hate seeing couples fight in public and the large families hogging the grocery store aisles on busy days drives me nuts.

  10. ack, laundry

    ack, family fighting and generally lousing up everyone's day with your petty bickering. stay home

    plus, you need better grooming habits, ack!

  11. But aren't there always hot chicks at the laundrymat? That was my impression.

  12. I would totally tolerate launromats if there were bars in them.

  13. okay i found that overheard convo extremly sad...those poor children...

    on the other hand I LOVE the smell of laundromats it reminds me of my humble childhood when things were simple, I remember wash day I loved wash day it meant we got to go to town and get a coke in a bottle...ahhhh the memories...we didnt have electricty either-only oil lamps,water was pulled from a well and our telephone was a CB radio...breaker breaker 1-9

  14. Pwn Star:
    When my parents went shopping, they always left us behind. What kid wants to go grocery shopping anyway??

    Yep. Laundromat is Sucksville.

    Weirdly, I enjoyed those early morning wash days.

    They sure did need a good washin'!

    The place was horrible! I'm still shivering just thinking about it.

    They were horrible to each other.

    I was downstairs helping Andy last night and each day is getting closer and closer to my freedom.

    My sister has offered but Andy is so pigheaded!

    jean knee:
    Ack is right!

    There were 3 hot girls there but ummm if you're married, you might have the same outcome that the guy had.

    Bars do make everything better.

    Yep. I think they're already traumatized.

  15. Can't you just take a few bottles of something strong with you? It's cheaper than paying bar prices.

  16. Tales From the Laundromat:
    episode 824
    "those wandering eyes"

    We find our leading lady has managed to, once again, spot the corrupt immaturity of local men.

  17. People watching is fun, makes it less boring.

  18. I don't have to use a laundromat unless I travel. They are awful. I once did my laudry in France while 2 homeless guys hung out and creeped my out with their french staring problems.

  19. Ours is in the basement and I won't even go there. I drive 45 minutes to my sisters to do it. But I like the idea of a bar in one.

  20. Wow. What a happy couple. You know they're doomed to kill each other or live together forever.

    I used to do my laundry in a laundromat. I never saw any hot women there. Only old maids and armies of Koreans.


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