Thursday, April 23, 2009

If I ever find a new job, I'm taking Norm with me.

Do you guys remember Norm? The Building Manager? That I “” interviewed “” a little bit ago?

Well I was on my way to the ladies room when I noticed he was leaning against the wall near the ladies room door. Being the NOSEY curious person I am and also knowing a bunch of old people comments, I asked “What are ya’? Holding up the wall?” he laughed and waved me over.

Norm:
Some women have complained that they’ve caught a guy standing right outside the bathroom when they leave and he pretends he’s putting something in the mailbox.

Bee:
Uh weird.

Norm:
You haven’t seen him, have you?

Bee:
Nope. I would have smashed his face. Is that why you’re standing there? To see if you see him?

Norm:
Yeah I figured I’d revert to my cop days and have a mini stake out.

Bee:
Norm, it won’t work if he sees you! Maybe you should borrow a tall plant and stand behind that?

Norm:
Don’t be silly! I have the general description and images from the security camera so I’m hoping I’ll recognize him if he walks by. He usually stands by the door for a few minutes then leaves the building.

Bee:
What are you gonna do? Tackle him? Can I help? I have some pent up aggression—

Norm:
Someone’s coming! Go into the bathroom!

I ran over to the door, fumbled with the key and went in. All my urgency to pee was gone. I heard Norm talking to someone but then nothing so I came out to see if he needed any help.

Norm:
False alarm.

Bee:
Well now I can’t go.

Norm:
Why don’t you use the bathroom in your office.

Bee:
LONG STORY! What does the guy do? Can you see him clearly in the security camera?

Norm:
The pervert just stands really close to the door.  I don’t even want to know what he’s doing!

Bee:
I still don’t think he’ll make an appearance if he knows you’re here. Why don’t you stand in the stairway? (the stairway door and the bathroom door are across from each other)

Norm:
Look, I don’t want to get any closer to that door than need be. Next thing you know people are going to be complaining about me!

bathroom layout

Bee:
I have to go back to work. [I was really sad and disappointed] Can you tell me if you catch the perp?

Norm:
No. You already know too much. Why are you so interested anyway? [he looks at me suspiciously]

Bee:
I'm thinking of writing a book.

Norm:
[rolls eyes] Skedaddle already!

 

Some people have all the fun! And also, I will now be holding it (by it I mean IT!) until I get home.

 

Side Milton Story:

Milton:
That’s a pretty banana you’re eating.

Bee:
Milton, that sounded obscene.

Milton:
(giggles) Sorry. Where did you buy them?

Bee:
Jewel or Shop-n-save I think.

Milton:
I bought some pears at shop-n-save this weekend and I noticed yesterday they overcharged me for them. The pound was 89¢ and they charged me 99¢. I went over there and it took me an hour to get an adjustment!

Bee:
How many pounds did you buy?

Milton:
One pound. I know a dime isn’t a lot but it’s the principle.

Bee:
Yesterday was Earth day and you drove 20 minutes round trip and argued for an hour for 10¢? You’re killing the planet! 

Sure she fishes toilet paper rolls out of the garbage to recycle them but the ozone can suck it I guess.

19 comments:

  1. lol! Are you sure Norm wasn't seeing himself in the security cam? Well if you/he catches the guy...send him my way. I could use the attention. The only person who hovers around the door when I pee is my 4 yr old.

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  2. I think that you should try to get a job as Norms assistant. He sounds like fun.
    Think about it, you'd get to do stake outs and watch people on the security cameras do things that they do only when they think nobody is watching.
    That sounds like a fun day at work!

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  3. Norm is the man! Does he have a history in the CIA?

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  4. Poor Norm and poor Bee who had to hold her pee. Yikes!

    That's a funny place for a mailbox.

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  5. If you spend much more time with Norm you'll either end up (more) paranoid or getting a ruptured bladder.

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  6. I was going to say what Kristen said! hahahhahha! What if it's just Norm?? Or... what if the guy has OCD and has to stare at a letter/ package to make sure he's got the address right/ correct postage??? Or does something like has to open and close the door to the mailbox to make sure he put the letter/package in and that it's gonna stay in there???

    I just don't see what he would be getting out of standing outside the restroom...

    curiouser and curiouser...

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  7. OH THe HOrror!!

    Milton is on my shit list, how dare she crap on the ozone to satisfy some deep and burning (and yes, disturbing) need to be right.

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  8. wow Norm is getting some action and it sounds like he could use your help...i say tomorrow you dress in your best sherlock holmes clothing-dont forget your magnifying glass and help out norm it could be datelines next BIG thing to catch a perv!...and poor poor milton

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  9. Pretty Banana.

    Bee... bananas are always perverted, peeling, buying, or eating... ALWAYS sick and twisted. unless of course, you eat bananas like corn on the cob.

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  10. We have security at my office that could pass as retired secrect service. I keep expecting them to get on the elevator with me and see them talking into their sleeves about the "suspecious person with the Panera bag".

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  11. Oh, please write the book! "The man who watched women tinkle" - just has bestseller all over it!

    Chuck Berry for the movie, perhaps?

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  12. I'm surprised he didn't tell you to "make it a mystery and leave that chapter out" when you told Norm you were writing a book. THAT is MY old person response.

    He sounds like a lot of fun

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  13. I bet Norm enjoys his job just because of you Bee. You are eachother's partner in crime.

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  14. Umm, the person standing there everyday for a few minutes(possibly putting something in the mailbox, then leaves the building) wouldn't happen to be dressed in a blue uniform that says U.S. Postal Service?

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  15. LOL.... seriously that is hilarious.
    I love Marissa's comment, might want to suggest that to Norm.

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  16. you and Norm should plan a stakeout, you can be the bait.

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  17. Why the hell is the mailbox near the bathroom?

    Stumbled.

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