Stinky breath, bad hair, cold feet, in-laws*... THINGS ONE PUTS UP WITH WHEN MARRIED!

The young years

So, EIGHT LOOOONG YEARS!

Who would have thunk a shorty from the West Side and a comic book guy, I MEAN, Graphic Novel Connoisseur from the Northwest Side (almost suburbs) would last this long?

Our ethnic differences alone were something we needed to embrace. I, for example, like ketchup AND MAYO on my hot dog and he was all about NO ketchup and mayo on his hot dog. He came to his senses and now gets the yummy combination.

I think our marriage has lasted this long -EIGHT LOOOONG YEARS- due to the fact the we have never really listened to any marriage advice. Yep. We are just that awesome.

Most of the time.

But seriously folks, he's a great guy who looks after me, my momma and other members of my family with little complaint (some rants about lack of privacy and his inability to walk around naked and such but really bad naked needs to be stopped)(kidding babe). He puts up with my constant mood swings and attitude with a calm only a horse whisperer could understand.

I put up with a lot of his crap too, though. For example, all the constant hugging? I only complain about it 75% of the time. The phone calls at all hours of the day when I'm trying to work? I only yell at him after the 10th call. The fact that he loves doing laundry drives me INSANE!

He's not the mushy romantic type and can often be heard saying loving things like "Stop fidgeting! I'm trying to give you a hug, dumbass!" or "Oh poor Bee. Her husband loves her too much waaaaaah waaaah! Jerk."

My heart? It goes pitter patter.

Anyway, here is the interview with the awesome man I am lucky enough to call my hussss uh my hussss-band. (But don't ask me about him tomorrow because the meds might have worn off):

Hey babe, you may know me as the person who complains every morning because she slept on the measly 3 inches of bed your stingy butt will allow. Remember I will be the only one asking questions and I will write down everything you say and post it exactly as you say it.

Andy: You want funny? I will be Mr. Anti-Funny!

Bee: Look at that! You changed your name from Mr. Ding-Dong! [Andy throws paper towel at my head]

Here goes:

How does it feel like to be married to me for this long?

a) Like a bucket of chocolate covered strawberries with a vanilla coke chaser

b) Like a bucket full of swords with a tequila chaser

c) Like a bucket full of rainbows and furry animals

d) Give your own example

Andy: Furry animals? Like what rats and stuff?

Bee: Sure, Andy, rats because rats are ROMANTIC!

Andy: Well, I thought the multiple choices would be 2 bad ones and one good one so I thought the good one was chocolate strawberries and vanilla coke chaser. Umm well you like strawberries and vanilla coke so that, I guess?

Bee: ::sigh:: This isn't starting well.

Andy: What? I gave the right answer right? And don't tell me it's subjective because I'll scratch my balls again. Don't add that into the interview, okay? Why are you writing it down?

Bee: I said I'd write everything you said down. I don't make the rules, babe.

What do you really think of my cooking? And “it gives me gas” is not an answer.

Andy: [thinks thinks thinks shrugs denies he shrugged] it's fine you should do it more often.

Bee: I am not slaving over a hot stove for a "fine".

How do you feel about me broadcasting all our personal life drama on the webisphere? And “it gives me gas” is not an answer.

Andy: I have nothing to hide as long as you tell people I have a big-

Bee: ANDY! Your mom is going to read this!

Andy: [laughs] What? What'd you think I was going to say? I was going to say heart!

Bee: When did you know I was the awesomest chick you would ever meet and therefore decided to stop searching?

Andy: Stop searching? OUCH! You want funny? You get funny!

Bee: If you could only save one person's life and it was between me and Angelina Jolie, who would you save?

Andy: [hahahahahaha] Uh you obviously!

Bee: Are your fingers crossed?

Andy: No! I'm just cold! Sheesh woman, jealous much? Why don't you talk about the fact that you don't want women cutting my hair?

Bee: No, I said a woman could cut your hair as long as she was a beefy lesbian.

Andy: That seems very abnormal to me, buttercup.

Bee: Pffft! Normal is for blood pressure readings.

What is your favorite dish?

Andy: Now does that mean what do I like to eat or something I had once and was like "Wow!"? [at the rolling of my eyes] What? That's a valid question! Your question was too broad!

Bee: Don't blame the questions, babe. Why do you make things so complicated?

Andy: [scratches head] I can't help it. I'm a complicated man [looks puzzled because I burst into laughter] COMPLEX! I meant complex!

Bee: No, complicated is right.

Now for the last question, HOPEFULLY IT'S NOT TOO BROAD, who do you think would win in a battle between a Vampire Ninja and a Telatubby?

Andy: Is that areal question?

Bee: What do you mean "real" It's real because I'm asking it!

Andy: Let me see that paper. [reads my notes] Why would you ask that question? What is a Vampire Ninja?

Bee: Obviously it is the coolest of ninjas because it is both a Vampire AND a Ninja.

Andy: A Teletubby? Are those those weird alien things on TV?

Bee: Are you talking about The Desperate Housewives actresses and their over stretched alien faces? No. I meant the colorful ones that babies are hypnotized by.

Andy: Why do parents let their kids watch that crap?

Bee: I don't know- hey! Focus!

Andy: What was the question again?

Bee: I'm going to bed.

Andy: Sorry! What was it?

Bee: You'll have to read it on my blog tomorrow.

Andy: Uh, I'm kinda busy tomorrow since the guild--

Bee: Andy! Tomorrow is our anniversary! For being married! EIGHT LOOONG YEARS!

Andy: Oh right. Want to go to Yu's Mandarin?

Bee: Not with you.

THE END!

P.S.
Andy and I have known each other for almost 14 years. Yeah.

*Just kidding! Maybe.