Monday, February 2, 2009

When a day off attacks you at the end.

I didn't go to work today. The sister, my mom, nieces and I went to the land of IKEA where I dream about things I cannot pronounce. All was well, the kids behaved and we only had one disappointment in the form of the lack of cacti. I'm too tired to explain what that means but you just need to know it almost made me cry.

Anyway, since we arrived home sooner than expected, the husband, also known as Mr. Torturing Jerky Pants, decided we should go do laundry. I was exhausted but after many loving insults, I changed my mind.

We packed up our crap, got in the car and drove to our regular laundromat only to find it CLOSED and covered up in weird can't-see-in paper! Damn! But at the same time yay! Surely Andy would say we should go back home? Nope! Mr. Torturing Jerky Pants decided we should go to the one we used to go to before. The crappy-leaky-cold one with weird bugs? That one.

I cant wait until the laundry-room gets rehabbed! I hate having to lug around my clothes all over my town in the dead of freakin cold.

Speaking of rehab. Once we got home, we received  a call from the guy that's supposed to quote us how much it will be to install a sump pump system in our house so that we never ever ever get a single drop of water. He's a nice guy with a reputable company but they're all car sales men at heart. He started with "I'm going to show you one of the two things we could do for you. With this one we would have to break up your porch, your patio, flower beds, pull up your bushes and eat babies all for 50 billion dollars! Nobody EVER chooses that one but I have to tell you about it anyway."

See, he has to do that so when he quotes you an exorbitant amount, you say "well, at least it's not FIFTY BILLION DOLLARS!" he's a nice guy but hey what do we look like? A couple of new born mopes? Fucker.

And as if all that wasn't enough activity for one day, Andy finally caved to my "please buy me the Gazelle! pretty please? I love you long time?" so we went to buy it at our friendly neighborhood Kohl's because we had a coupon. I called them first to make sure they had one and the old lady was all "The WHAT, hon?" THE GAZELLE! "What does it do, hon?" You get on it and you swish like this and that with your arms and legs. WITH YOUR ARMS AND LEGS! "Oh. You just had to explain what it was for, hon. Let me check. ---- Yuppers! We have a bunch come on over!"

Now, now. Don't mock me because I bought into that Tony Ponytail's hype. I need to lose me these parasitic pounds... although, they've been keeping me warm this winter so I have that going for me.


LOOK AT THAT ASS!! THAT WILL BE MY ASS!! Only, less manly. Hopefully.


When I was telling the lady how to use the machine I was physically demonstrating how to use the machine. Why? Why would I do that? It's not like she can see me.  I think that should count as my first work out.

Also, Andy doubts my balance and thinks I'll fall on my butt the first few times. I have a feeling he's going to push me off it just so he can say he was right.


  1. I expect you to smile just like Tony when you are on your Gazelle. I hear exercise is supposed to make us happy, so it shouldn't be s stretch.

    Of course, I think of it more as in 'Happy I didn't run across this workout room and hurt someone,' but whatever. Details.

  2. Exercise is bad for you. It weakens the lazing about muscles and knackers the arteries.

    You have been warned!

    Third! In your face world!

  3. Oh I do hope you don't fall on your ass while using it, but make sure hubby gets out the video camera first.. you know just in case ;)

  4. Peter can fortunately pronounce everything at IKEA. :-)

  5. Oh dear, Bee. Good Luck with the butt shaping but those arms will not flatter you. ;-)

  6. don't forget to wear your hair in a perky little pony tail or it won't work

  7. Good luck on the no smashing of the face workout.

    Bee is riding on a gazelle. hmm, so many places to go here, but i'm at work...

  8. Oh my goodness! I hopped on one of those once, and sware I was going to fall on my ass in the first three seconds, I hopped off and swore to never get back on it! lol

  9. I hope, for Andy's sake, you get a more feminine ass than Tony's

  10. You're getting a Gazelle?

    I wonder..

    Will it end up like my Flexmaster did?

    Mine became the most expensive clothes closet I'd ever bought.

    I mean, I think I used it twice, and then I started using it to stack clothes on, since it was so much closer to my bedroom door than my closet was....

  11. Now all you need to do is to use that instrument of torture to power a mechanical sump pump, and you'll save yourself 50 billion dollars and turn yourself into an Arnold Swarchenegger lookalike at the same time. Win-Win...

  12. Tony's kind of weird, but he does have a nice ass.

  13. In the spirit of the Gazelle, I will share with you the motto commonly shared between me and my hubby when doing any type of exercise at all..."You can DOWITT!!"

    Straight from Mr. Tony Ponytail's mouth himself.

  14. I do like Andy's new name and I LOVE the gazelle. I don't even have one.

  15. I can't wait to see the video on your are gonna post it right? I've been flirting with the idea of buying a treadmill. I'm just worried it'll have clothes hanging on it before I even get it out of the box.

  16. I'm voting for a video of you using it the first time too...

    Get them girls in action and I'm betting it's gonna be gooooood viewin. ;P

  17. Ha,ha,hoooo, hang on a second Bee, for some reason I can't stop laughing...

    Ok, I'm good now..
    I just want to point out that I haven't been recieving a lot of "Bee Love" lately so I hope that now that you're back from that land of Ikea, have your laundry done, and got a good workout, bwahhahahahaha..sorry.. that you'll start the Bee Love a flowin again! I miss your witty comments!

  18. Are you going to wear exactly what Tony wears on that thing? The TIGHT ass bike shorts and a t shirt with no sleeves??? HAWT! OH wait! The piece de resistance! The baseball hat with the ponytail. COME ON!!!

    Oh oh oH! and scrunchy socks with LA Gears. YES!

    I always make motions on the phone... like people can see me. ONE DAY! One day... I've seen the Jetson's!... it's coming!

  19. I try not to get on a gazelle. Bestiality is so wrong....

  20. We should have known he wasn't being serious when he said 50 billion dollars just like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers.

  21. I have a feeling that your Gazelle use will end up as a comic strip...

  22. That guy is weird Bee.
    I don't trust him.

    So, will there be a video of you gazelling?


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.