Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Men, Laundromat, Arm Pits.

I have a question, how does your unconscious body know when you’re mad at your significant other?

THE HUSBAND and I had a... disagreeeeeeement last night (I know, I know yesterday I declared my deluded love for him and not 24 hours later we were in a cage match but what can I say? We’re not perfect. Or, you know, he isn’t.) so he stayed in his corner and I stayed in mine the whole night. How do we know not to let our arms wander over and seek out the sleep-hug?

I have to admit though that I slept like a baby since I wasn't being tortured by his iron tentacles without freedom to stretch however/wherever I wanted. So. There.

In other life threatening news.

What is wrong with this picture?

You see that white basket there? That. Is not. My basket!
The very bad stranger man decided he would just use my table, the one I had just cleaned for my folding purposes, and put his crappy basket on it while he put his mismatched orange and purple clothes in the washer.

Me to myself: ‘Okay. Breathe. I can deal. As long as he moves it when he’s done… nope he’s leaving it there. He just sat down! Okay. Relax. Don’t cause any(more) scenes. I’m sure that when all my clothes comes out of the drier and he sees I need the whole table to fold my laundry he’ll move his basket. WTF! He’s not moving his basket and is now staring vacantly at the wall!’

I know you probably think I was overreacting but there is a strict code of conduct when at the Laundromat and this guy was breaking the rules all over the place!

Me to him “I need you to move your basket.”

Me to myself again: ‘okay, he moved his basket but now he’s just staring at me. Hey what if he’s a mobster doing his laundry after a hit? Man, I wish I would have been nicer to him and maybe smiled when I told him to move his basket. Unless he might think I was hitting on him? Oh man, what if he follows us?’

What was Andy doing during the turmoil going on in those few minutes of my life? Why, playing with his phone of course! But that’s not why we got into a fight.

In other critical news:
I am now going to share a little bit more than I usually do but it’s for the sake of the rest of the femmes out there who need to be aware of a very important crap product discovery.

I recently bought a new type of deodorant. It’s called Secret Clinical Strength (1.6 oz) and it cost $8. My usual one (I forgot what my usual one is called I think it starts with an “M”)(but it's not Maury) only costs about $4 for over 2 oz and sometimes they’re on sale buy one get one free. I wanted to try the Secret one out to see if in fact it did the job the little box claimed.
Here is my review:

Don’t buy it.

The deodorant comes out in sloppy little clumps and it doesn’t roll on as smoothly as every other deodorant I have ever used in my entire life. As a matter of fact, a clump fell on my foot which pissed me off to no end because, in my mind, I just threw out a dollar. It also burned me a little but that’s probably because I have delicate skin.

The protection was okay but I think it’s the same as my regular deodorant. In conclusion, clinical-almost-prescription my ass.

And so ends my post for today.


  1. You so need to fix your laundry room...
    I seriously doubt he was a hit man. He would be dressed better, would be washing bloody and black clothes (NOT purple and orange)!

    I agree. The Secret clinical strength crap was a waste of money. I guess it is for freaks with crazy sweaty armpits...and well we do not have sweaty pits Bee. Remember, we are perfect. And You SMELL GOOD!

  2. oh you shouldve called for underdog! he wouldve come to help you with the bad man, underdog!

  3. Damn those crap deodorants! And why do you think it's a good idea we Brits apparently can't kiss at stations? Although there was one in the news today that has put up a sign encouraging public signs of affection ... very consistent!

  4. I don't think people would fold their clothes in public here, but otherwise things would go something like this:

    British Bee: "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid I need to fold my clothes. Would you might awfully just moving your basket for a minute, please?"

    British Bad Man: "Oh, is it in your way? I do apologise."

    Of course he would go home, kick the cat, and write a blog post about incosiderate women trying to use every available surface at the launderette...

  5. that guy is prolly divorced and having to do his own laundry and now we know why he's divorced


  6. Dizzy mom:
    Damn right I smell good! But no thanks to that overpriced deodorant.

    UNDERDOG!! Why didn't I think of that?

    I am not one to see someone kissing and say "awwwww" I'm more of the "do I need to hear that slopping around when it's not me doing it?" I also don't like watching old people macking on TV.

    Ummm I think taht even British Bee would be bad ass so let's redo the whole convo:

    Hello old chap! Would you mind removing your basket before I put my foot up your bum?

    British Bad Man:
    My word!! [as he runs away]

    P.S. Brian.
    There are enough designated tables per person and he was just all up in my biddness.

    Brian #2:
    I know.

    jean knee:
    Amen sister!

  7. That's uncanny! I heard the exact same exchange last week!

    You've got the accent spot on! ;-)

  8. Thanks Chris!! I practice in front of a mirror.

  9. I'm happy to wash and dry, but folding is up to you. I'll even spring for the dryer sheets.

  10. I tried that secret clinical strength gel. It sucks. It did not provide the alleged odor protection. Strong enough for a man but made for a woman my big fat ass.

  11. Yeah, he seems like a bad man...Who knows what's next. He'll probably start taking pictures of people with his cell phone when they aren't looking. How creepy is that? Stay away from him for sure!

  12. I am so glad that you posted about that clinical secret deodorant. I wanted to try it,and now I won't waste my $$!

    creepy guy at laundromat: maybe he doesn't know laundromat etiquette....

  13. Always Home and Uncool:
    I don't mind the drying so much but who will put the clothes away? mine are still sitting by my closet waiting for the tooth fairy. I think.

    Those bastards! We should demand out money back!

    Ra Venkatataram:
    uh-huh I get this feeling you're being judgmental but in my defense, I didn't use the one I took of his in the bathroom.
    besides, he started it. :o/

    yup! You are better off buying a couple of lemons for I don't know 50 cents and using those for odor control.

    Today I have to agree with you. Well about mine at least.

    Andyyyy!! ::shakes fist!::

  14. OMG the deodorent! SECRET SUCKS and that's apparently the best-kept secret in the history of them all. Why does it say "goes on clear!" when they obviously mean "goes on clumpy, white, and all over your clothes!" I am pseudo-high fiving you as we speak. NEVER buy it.

  15. I'm so irritated at my husband right now that I'm almost afraid to comment on this post, Bee, because I do not want to harm you with the Thoughts O' Fire that are raging in my brain right now and potentially shooting out of my fingertips.

    If I could actually shoot flames from my fingertips, though, I would teach you so you could melt that laundromat dude's basket the instant he set it down on your table. Assuming it happens again. And you should probably assume it will.

  16. those clinical strength deodorants... a girl in my class at law school thought "clinical" meant she had to apply it less often. like once every 3 days.

  17. "I know you probably think I was overreacting but..."

    Not overreacting at all. The strict codes of keeping your personal (and all your stuffs) bubble undefiled PLUS The Laundromat code were in clear violation. That guy needs to be banned from the Laundormat, Life and the Mob.

  18. Yikes. How rude! Or maybe he didn't see your clothes there! Ha.

  19. Neesh Q:
    Will never buy it again. Ever!

    I am so with you right now! I would love the shooting flames power. I may then make smores more often. mmmm melty chocolate!

    BANNED FROM LIFE IS RIGHT! hahahaha! :o)

    Hmmm If that's his alibi I'm gonna slap him around with Andy's dirty socks.

  20. Jaime:
    Ewwww! My sister and I once worked with a Russian woman who did not wear deodorant. My sister finally had to complain to HR in the summer because the smell was just so bad. They just moved my sister to another office since everybody was too embarrassed to let the lady know she reeked.

  21. Doncha just love laundrymats? At my apartment complex on Sat. I was waiting for someone to take their clothes out of the dryers so I could put mine in... after two hours they were still full, so I removed the clothes (yucky!!!) and put them on top of the dryer in question.

    About an hour later a little girl (16) comes in to find her laundry on to of the dryer. She humphs and sighs and says, "Some people just don't care about other peoples clothes!"

    I said, "You're right! You would think after three hours of just sitting in the dryer that people who don't care would finally remove their clothes."

    Blank stare and then she says, "Whatever."

    Me: "Whatever!"

    She actually slammed the door when she left. Can you believe it?

  22. I think you where to nice to him. I would have just moved it and said nothing. If he came up to me which I doubt I would give him my I'm going to kill you look.

  23. You actually handled the laundry mat situation better than I would have.
    In more than one instance, I have been known to remove other peoples baskets from my space by politely knocking them in the floor, then looking at the owner and saying "Oops, sorry, I guess it got in the way while I was folding my laundry on MY table." And then not pick it up.
    You have to grow a set of brass balls when you go to the mat Bee or they will eat you alive.

    And ewww about the deoderant!

  24. the laundromat posts will never get old for me...
    in fact, i think i'm attracted to your laundromat posts. the places are always packed to the gills with creepy fuckers, not that you're creepy, i didn't mean that you're creepy...

    okay, fine... you're creepy, only because you have delicate skin.

  25. Kayfour:
    Pffft! Teenagers! I used to be one so I know how they are. ;o)

    I was going to just move it but really I didn't want to touch it.

    It's fine to challenge old ladies with your brass balls but here in Chicaaaago, you need to be careful who you challenge. Did you not see that I think he was a mobster? Did you want my dogs to be orphans? ;op

    I would love to continue the ongoing saga but I'm hoping my laundry room will be fixed by no later than summer. And I am a little creepy.

  26. I have tried several different deodorants lately, and I haven't been happy with any of them! They either wear off too soon, or you have to sandblast it off when you shower.

  27. LMAO @ "a clump fell on my foot which pissed me off to no end."



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