Thursday, February 26, 2009

Because you talked me down from my ledge, I am celebrating Innappropriate Card Day with just you! And Um you. Oh yeah and YOU! But first...

My thanks to everybody who made me feel better (except Brian because he again compared me to some weird looking man with white freckles and said my face shatters mirrors so I should stay away from them.. .or something). Even my work ladies told me how cute I looked and that the glasses were very ""becoming"". Awww old speak.

I figured out what was making me so homicidal about my new glasses.
The fucking reflection on them could land a 747 while I’m sitting in an underground bunker hiding from the aliens who are coming to rid the world of the ugly people (not to imply I’m ugly but these glasses are not going to win me any beauty contests so I might as well be safe than, you know, dead.).
Last night, I looked in the mirror and said to the husband, “these fuckers make me look like Dr. Grim’s long lost daughter who had the misfortune of having magnifying glasses for eyeballs.” and Andy responded “What??” and so I didn’t feel like saying that whole sentences all over again I just said “DR.GRIM IS MY FATHER!!!” and then he asked “WHAT???” and since I didn’t feel like yelling the same thing again for fear of being accused of repeating myself I said “CHEESE AND CRACKERS ANDY! I’M GONNA BUY A GDAMN MICROPHONE!” and then he said “I heard you fine the second time buttercup. I was just wondering why you would say Dr. Grim is your father. Is it the hairy chest?” and then Andy left this world in a wisp of black smoke.

Anyway, I always ask for non-reflective lenses. This time I forgot and so now my eyeballs look like some sort of 3D hologram. Don’t get too close, it might be contagious. I will be calling Dr. Grim later in the week, once I know my turrets is under control, and ask him if there is something we can do to maybe sand off the glossy sheen. Other than that, the frames are very nice and they do look good on me… WHEN I HAVE MY EYES CLOSED!

And so say it with me peoples:
F-U-C-K!

This morning I decided to get my pitiful butt out of bed, do a full make-up and hair styling ego boost, pick out a great pair of shoes because this way I can say ‘yeah, my face may look like crap with these glasses but at least my feet look hot!’.

Sigh.

On to Inappropriate Card Day hosted by Diesel from Mattress Police.

As a thank you to all who make my frown turn... lopsided, I decided to just feature everybody that commented and give you all one card to share (except for Brian because we can all agree he’s mean)(P.S. don’t forget to tune in tomorrow, Friday, for his music review).

Without further ado-do:

Georgie, Tracy, UnfinishedRambler, Marvel Goose, Chris, Suzy, Jean Knee, Petra, Lainey-Painey, FADKOG, Mary Moore,Grant Miller Media, Humorsmith, Dan, ReformingGeek, Cameron, Chica, Orion, The Office Scribe, Kit Walker (who is celebrating a birthday today and I would say HAPPY BIRTHDAY but apparently she doesn’t like to be reminded of her exit through the birth canal because GROSS!), Nooter, The Self-Deprechaun, KayFour, Jacki, NCS, David (who doesn’t have a blog so I don’t know if he’s reading this but he supposedly sees things that are not there CHORD ::wink::), Otter Thomas, Jormengrund, Hel, MilesPerHour and, last but not least, John J. Savo.

My PhotoJohn J Savo

What kind of card can I give all those people and still make it relevant for everybody?

Well…


Until next year!
Pass the weed.

Humor-Blogs

26 comments:

  1. I always wanted to be a gigolo ...

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  2. Ok forget what I said about polling people since they seem to be giving your their opinions anyway.

    Why is it that I'm always a day late and a dollar short with the shit you do on here? Like the secret santa thing?? Missed BOTH chances. Sheesh.

    Maybe I get sick too often. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm a hypochondriac. Maybe I'm DYING!

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  3. I am sure your glasses arent as bad as you think, you are just no used to them! Great choice for a card

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  4. I love it Bee! and Thank you!

    I have mine up for all of you as well!

    Happy ICD!!

    Thank you Father Diesel for creating this wonderful day.

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  5. I love how seriously wrong something is with you. I know I am not alone in the world!

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  7. I love that picture of the glasses - what a hoot!

    Very inappropriate card, indeed.

    Cheers

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  8. Awwweeee....Bee. Thanks for the card. Very touching. I made a card as well, I didn't necessarily dedicate it to you (you're welcome) but you can go and be an honorary recipient if you would like.

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  9. i had no idea you cared so much :)

    ...i had no idea i cared so much. i mean, now that i know i could possibly be turning you lopsided.. the games are on!!

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  10. oh yeah, and... THANKS!
    is there money in this card :/

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  11. can you stand still please, think theres a bit of food in my teeth and im trying to use the reflection in your glasses to see...

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  12. Wow! It took me awhile to find myself in all that diversity! What a wonderfully inappropriate card. Thanks youz so much!

    I love the way you whisked troublesome Andy away in black smoke and I'm sure you look way too hot for any man today!

    I think my handbag may go with those glasses!

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  13. Thanks so much for the card Bee!

    To let you know how much this means to me, I have an award for you over at my blog.

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  14. Happy ICD!!
    Aww, thanks Bee, you are a friend indeed :D


    Now, when are you killing Brian?

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  15. EIGHTEENTH!!!! Wohoo!

    Alas, I don't celebrate ICD because I secretly believe it to be a made up day. I don't believe that Iggy will slip through my mailbox and leave an innaproriate card even if I've been a good crumudgeon all year. I don't think he's real and sublets Santa's basement during the summer...

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  16. Happy Innappropriate Card day! I hope you feel better about how you look in your new glasses!

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  17. You are hilarious! And thank you! And you're welcome!

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  18. Oh Bee, I think you are much more attractive than that guy with the glasses. But really, I know how you feel...I need glasses to see distances and after 4 years of marriage I still hate it when Peter sees me in them.

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  19. I want to celebrate inappropriate card day too! Is it too late?
    I love being inappropriate!

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  20. I hate wearing glasses too. Have you thought of getting Lasik done?

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  21. Shit! I've been MIA for too long. I missed out on the card.

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  22. I'm so pissed I missed inappropriate card day!!!! argh!! :( but on the plus side, your glasses look good from here. :)

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Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.