Friday, January 30, 2009

Ah, you thought cakes were only dangerous because they make your butt bigger...

Have you missed the fact that I haven't posted about Milton? Would you like a little Milton today?

As I've said before, sometimes I wonder if we are secretly being filmed by some far off extraterrestrials that get their giggles from us, the lesser beings (well, you guys maybe lesser but me? I'm a woman and a half which makes for difficulty in buying clothes). To those extraterrestrials I say "SCREW YOU!" and I say it in a shrill, obnoxious voice right into their mics so I may annoy the shit out of them!

Yesterday, day of the lord Thursday, also known as Treat Day or Social Thursday here at the Asylum, I made the innocent mistake of saying the following to Milton: "Yum!! Glynda brought RedVelvet cake!"


I know! How stupid can I be?? Why would that be the first thing I say in the morning? What happened to just plain ole' "good morning" and then a mouthful of shutty??

You see this prompted Milton to debate my saneness.

Milton: "Who brought RedVelvet cake? I thought you said Glynda."

I did say Glynda because she brought the cake.

Milton: "Did you mean Scarecrow? Because it's her week to bring in treats and Glynda isn't on the rotation to bring treats so I think you meant Scarecrow."

No, I meant Glynda—

Milton: "Why would Glynda bring in treats? That just doesn't make sense! Are you sure it wasn't Scarecrow?" [and she stood up as if to emphasis what I dumbass I am for getting two completely different people mixed up]

Glynda brought the cake because—

Milton: "Scarecrow. You mean Scarecrow." [and she gave me that look that shows she is trying her hardest not to lose her patience]

Hey, how about you let me complete sentence? GLYNDA BROUGHT A CAKE FOR HER BIRTHDAY!

Milton: "Glynda's birthday? [she blinked about 20 times] Scarecrow brought a cake for GLYNDAY'S birthday?"

No. Glynda bought herself, Glynda, a birthday cake because tomorrow is her, Glynda's, birthday. No to Scarecrow. NO TO SCARECROW. NO TO SCARECROW!!!

Milton: "Is Scarecrow still bringing cheese and crackers??"

At the end of the fuckin day I was calling Scarecrow Glynda and vice-versa. Maybe I was wrong and don't really know everything? Maybe I'm really Milton?




  1. I'm confused - why did you have this discussion with Milton and not Scarecrow?

  2. And why isn't there a picture of the cheese and crackers?

  3. Lmao!!!

    I can totally picture Milton jumping out of her seat telling youb it was scarecrow and not glynda.... Your co- workers or should I say the people in the asylum truly belong in one.

  4. Lmao!!!

    I can totally picture Milton jumping out of her seat telling youb it was scarecrow and not glynda.... Your co- workers or should I say the people in the asylum truly belong in one.

  5. Crap! It posted twice!!!

    Oh well...

  6. I thought OZ and his vampire and zombie horde were going to break in at some point and gobble down all the goodies!

    Or did Scarecrow forget to let the zombies in the front door?

    Maybe Glynda forgot to invite the vampires?

    Ir did Milton scare EVERYONE off?

  7. Good thing Glynda brought cake! Seriously, cheese and crackers on treat day? Hell no! I want cake.

    So, was the cake yummy? I hope you ate Milton's piece.

  8. OMGosh wheres the fork cuz that red velvet cake looked so good i bought licked my way through my monitor

    LMAO....I say tomorrow or next thursday treats you take a white jaket with buckles on it for milton....

  9. bought=bout...ya my typist has the day off and it shows....

  10. milton's my fucking hero.
    Well..not YOUR milton... but THE milton.

    slap her with a red swingline next time she opens her face. just do it, you'll feel better.

  11. I'd rather have red velvet cake than cheese and crackers.

    Who's on first?

  12. oh

    I would have had to slap her... I'm amazed you weren't foaming at the mouth AND yelling at the top of your lings after that one.


  13. Milton would have been out cold on the floor. I used to work with someone like that. He was a manager and one day he was cutting me off over and over again and I just stopped talking. He took the clue that if he wanted me to tell him what he needed to know he was going to have to let me talk.

    I made banana bread earlier but I love Red Velvet Cake. Hubby made it for my first birthday after we were married. Ahhhhh.

  14. OK, I absolutely need to know what this red velvet cake is made of! It looks deeeeeelish. Anyone? Anyone?

  15. The important question is - Did you get a piece of red velvet cake after all that?!

  16. I'm confused but that cake looks good.

    In other news, how can we bludgeon Milton?

  17. Did you know that Janet Jackson loves Red Velvet Cake? I'm not sure why I know that. She also has a nipple ring. I'm pretty sure I know why I know that. Milton is a woman? Is Scarecrow really Kate Jackson, as in Scarecrow and Mrs. King? Is Glynda really the real name of a person? As in Glynda the Good Witch? You work with interesting people. Can you bring me to work sometime? But only on treat day.

  18. I'm sorry to tell you this, but while you guys were fighting...I ate the cake.

  19. It's not ET watching you, it's Big Brother. Any by Big Brother, I mean Bill Gates. And by Bill Gates, I mean Google. And by Google, I mean the russian botnet. I'm here all week....

  20. Confusing. That's all - just confusing.

  21. Is red velvet cake just chocolate cake dyed red? I've never had it but for some reason always assumed this was the case.

    PS...I would offer up Milton to the aliens for kicks and be done with her!

  22. You should being some snacks in when it isn't your turn to drive her crazy.

  23. You should being some snacks in when it isn't your turn to drive her crazy.

  24. oh holy hell! Milton should never ever be allowed to have awesome red velvet cake OR cheese and crackers cuz she is indeed way too WRONG to be worthy!

  25. she blinked about 20 times

    That's when I lost it.

  26. And whe I say "it" I meant I almost peed a little bit I laughed so hard.

  27. I love Milton stories.
    I love them Bee!!!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.