Wednesday, January 7, 2009

But deep down, we're still normal. Deep, deep, down. Deep, deep... bring a flashlight.

So… Magpie became engaged a few days ago. Her story is sweet, emotional, and oh so romantic. I told her I was going to share mine and dedicate it to her. I had originally written my engagement story for Marie @ Memarie Lane but I'm posting it here.

For some of you who have been watching in horror the relationship between Andy and I, it may come as no surprise to you that our engagement was anything but romantic. Our ceremony wasn't presided over by a prestigious priest or rabbit or a suave captain of a ship. Our reception did not consist of fancy shmancy table linens or a suave captain of ship moonlighting as a DJ.

Because of my parents' horrible marriage and my lack of faith in men to keep it in their pants and not go around showing it to anyone with boobies, I never wanted to get married. I would have been happy living with a special someone until he or I headed for the big garden in the sky but Andy had other ideas.

We were planning on moving in together around October of 2001. Our furniture was on layaway and we were paying it off and had a savings account where we were each putting money in for any odds and ends we might need in the future. You know, like hard hats and stuff?


We had discussed marriage –somewhat– but Andy, sensing how skittish I was about the subject, would drop it and we'd talk about sports instead. Yup, I'd rather talk about sports than getting married. Then one day, he stopped by my house and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. Here is the story I wrote for Marie:

The Engagement

It was a brisk sunny day in late March when a young couple (the man was young, the woman had some years on her) were walking hand in hand through a park close to her home in Chicago.
He was nervously staring at the ground as they walked, wondering how he would broach THE subject. She was happily smelling the scents of the changing season, wondering why she didn't have a fireplace in her home. How much would it cost to have one installed? Crap! Bees! Isn't it too early for bees??

real life picture of that fateful day

He told her to sit on a stone bench so they could talk. She sat and squinted at the setting sun.
He cleared his throat, coughed. She kicked the dirt around her. Both lost in their thoughts and unaware of what the other was thinking. The differences in their personalities clear to those who knew them.

So um I was thinking...

A bee! Crap! Is it on me?? Is it?? [standing up twirling this way and that]

No! It flew away. Calm down you big baby!

Dude, if I get stung I'm going to pinch you so hard you'll lose consciousness and wake up being cuddled by homeless Bill.

Shhhhh! Listen!! Anyway, I was thinking we should get married.

... ... um, okay.

The Wedding.

Andy lost no time.

He had us going to get our marriage license that weekend and then scheduled us at the courthouse for their first opening.
Monday April 16, 2001 @ 11:30 AM. M-O-N-D-A-Y.

So we headed downtown and were sitting with other weirdo whack jobs waiting their turn. There was one couple who looked to be in their 40s and he was wearing a tuxedo shirt and she was wearing a little veil and holding a plastic bouquet. Me? I was wearing jeans and a blue sweater. I have no idea what Andy was wearing but I'm sure he was just as casual.

Our name was called and an anonymous person signed as a witness and off we went to see the judge. The judge was a nice man who asked us if we wanted the long or the short version. I don't remember which we picked but he went on and on about circles and eternity and life and love but all Andy and I could do was giggle. Yeah, I was 28 and should have been more mature about the whole thing but here I am 36 and all I can think about is Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire.

We left with our little certificate and got back on the blue line (train) then took a bus to my house where Andy had left his car. We then met his mom and brother at Baker's Square for lunch. My new mother in law paid. Thanks Mom R! ;o)

The Reception.

So that was in April, right?

Since it was too cold to have a friends and family party outside, we decided to wait until July to have our little *reception*.

On July 14, 2001 we were joined by people who cared about us and others that tolerated me for a nice little backyard shindig.

My dress was $45 bought on clearance and he wore khakis and crisp white shirt.


The highlight was hanging out with the people I cared about most in the world and not having too much pressure or attention focused on me.

The lowlight was my dad, drunk out of his ever lovin' mind, telling people what a bunch of ingrates for children he had. Good times.

That was in July of 2001.

As husband and Wife.

Andy and I did not live together until October of 2001. You read that right. Plans could not be changed. We couldn't pay off our furniture before then and the people living in the upstairs apartment were not leaving until then. There was no way I would move in with his parents, seriously my father in law would drive me apeshit my first week there, right Mom R? And Andy could not move in with me because I shared a room with my sister Nancy and that would just be weird.

When we finally moved in together, six months after we got married, we had no bed for a week because the mattress people had messed up and had the delivery date for a week after we moved in. Soooo he slept on the couch and I slept on the love-seat for the first week of us living together. For reals, yo.

The Saturday they delivered our mattress, we had our good friends, we will call them Lark and LarryAnn, come over for a fun game of asshole. This game is not about trying to figure out who the biggest jerk is. It's a card game about strategy and skill. Oh, also the object is to get the lowest person on the wrung drunuuunk! Ahhh we used to love that game! What a great excuse to get completely hammered and then keep crashing into doors.

The first night we were able to sleep in our very first bed as a married couple, we were so wasted we passed out. The killer was waking up at 6 in the morning and trying to slide off the insanely tall bed. I thought I was having my dream where I'm falling but at the same time floating in space. Having slept in a twin bed my whole life, that gimondo bed took months to get used to.

So that is our story and we're stickin' to it till one of us gets eaten by Tazz. Congrats, Magpie!



  1. aww that made me a sap in a minute. Cute, even told in your "bee-ish" way. ;)

  2. Aww Bee :) This is the soft side of Bee :) The baby lamb wool side of Bee :) The fluffy chicken side of Beeeeee :)

    I'dlike to know why Sister Nancy is hiding and what part the bush had in the proposal.

    The bush in the picture.

  3. Bee, this is the sweetest tale of love and romance I have heard in a very long time! Seriously! To be honest, I think the best marriages are the ones where the couple doesn't live together for awhile afterward. I mean, sheesh, if you do, then they're ALWAYS AROUND!

  4. totally had a fairy tale.

    Okay, not like a Disney romance fairy tale with glass slippers and talking dolphins.

    But it's a totally iced real life one. Even I heard you tear up & smile in between the sarcasm ;-)

  5. A Nike wedding! Just do it!
    Great story!

    It's a little different from our wedding story ... which included over 300 guests ... an odd mix of paisanis, goom-bas and hippies.

    I will have to tell that story sometime Bee.

  6. Some of the best marriages are made by people that didn't start out with plans to get married, or have huge weddings. Peter and I got married by a justice of the peace when I was 7 months pregnant.

  7. What a nice story!

    I hope you got a ring somewhere in there!

  8. LOL...


    This is a great story and should be expanded into a full fledge "short story." Really. You should consider this post notes for the full version.

  9. living in a house with no furniture...

    now that's an adventure!

  10. What a sweet story. We, too, had the back yard thing, and I wouldn't change it for the world. All of our 'wedding' pictures were taken in front of the giant maple tree in my in-laws back yard. And my dress was 30 bucks on clearance, gotta love those clearance racks.

    And I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

  11. Oh yeah, and did I remember to say I wouldn't change it for the world?

    I should proof read a bit better.

  12. Am I the only one wondering what happened to homeless Bill?

  13. That's a sweet story. I was hoping Homeless Bill would show up, but no.

    We should talk about fathers some time when there's a spare shrink or two lying around, because I WILL have to dress up like Napoleon.

    Maybe it's a Brit thing?

  14. And btw, the pictures looked great. You have a big smile on your face, and aren't eating spiders.

    Amazing what romance can do ...

  15. you left out the part about how tazz and mocha came into your lives. its all about you isnt it..

  16. Just think..

    If you really want, you can "renew" your vows with the nice big ceremony in 2011!

    Yeah, me either..

    But heck, at least you have the pictures!

    All my wife and I got was a DVD and a certificate..

    Guess you get what you pay for when you run off to Vegas for the wedding/honeymoon bargain, huh?

  17. Chica:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah um the bush was very important. It hid the bees. ;o)
    And sister Nancy was on her way with brother Dan somewhere and she saw us walking and clicked a picture. She's weird.

    Yeah, I sometimes tell him we should rent an apartment where I can go to get away. In Hawaii preferably.

    Hi Chris! We have missed you so much! I was just thinking about you the other day.

    Yeah, it was a pleasant experience. :o)

    THREE HUNDRED PEOPLE!! I would have died.

    Yup, we definitely appreciated it more since we knew it was about just us.

    Reforming Geek:
    Ha ha ha!! The ring I fell in love with is a simple little ring. The engagement ring and wedding band were only $400 also on a layaway plan. :o)

    You what's funny? As I was typing it, I cut a lot because I thought "geez, who wants to know so much about me?" so thanks! :o)

    Well, we had furniture, just not the most important piece. ;o)

    I wouldn't change it for the world either. ;o)

    Just Sayin':
    Homeless Bill, last I heard, was till waiting for Andy to come back and snuggle.

    Napoleon? Can I dress up like Einstein? I already have the costume.
    Me smiling in a picture is very very rare so I must have been happy. ;o)

    That is a special story for another day. Very Special.

  18. Jorm:
    Well, at least you got a DVD. The handful of pictures to prove we actually did get hitched were ruined by a Walgreen's ninny.

  19. This is just so beautiful man,,

    I need a moment here

  20. Sounds like the BBQ was a great time, wish I could have been there. (LOL)

    Inside Joke.


  21. Gah, did I post it for you? I don't remember...

    My engagement went like that too. We were just sitting on the couch and Brad says, "let's get married," and I said, "oh, okay." Very romantic.

  22. It's a pity that there aren't more women around who are prepared to forgo spending thousands on a "big day"...

  23. If I ever get married, I want a rabbit.

  24. Oh, I love your romantic story! But, what were the hard hats for that you were saving up for?

  25. Ahh, Bee. See, I didn't even get ASKED. We were out Christmas shopping and he told me to pick out a ring. Yes, TOLD me. LOL

    Of course, when he tried to save it for Christmas, I threw a mini-tantrum and refused to give it back. Heh.

    We got married 3 months later - only 7 months after we started dating. Woo yeah. LOL

    And then?!? THEN I found out I was preggers *5 DAYS AFTER THE WEDDING*. Nice.

    As you can see, it's all been a whirlwind of TOTALLY non-romance. Heh. At least you got an actual proposal... of sorts. LOL

  26. The wedding pictures reminded me of a time, long ago, when a similar one used to be on your sidebar.

    Talking of pictures, I'm disappointed that Sister Nancy didn't see fit to exercise her photographic skills whilst you were swallowing that spider...

  27. Hey! I am people too!

  28. I can't match that, but my wedding was so half assed that we got the thing done in a Catholic church in 22 minutes.

    I'm pretty proud of that...

  29. I liked it.
    Ooh, I just got this great idea!
    You should go around to different schools, probably to kindergarten classes (you know, since they're starting so young) and read this story to them.
    All of these young girls think that marriage is still a "Happily Ever After" thing.
    We need to show them the marriage without it's make-up on!

  30. What I want to know is why you're scared of bees, bee?

    Very nice story. You two were obviously made for each other. Uh, the hard hats were to protect your head from the headboard yes?

  31. Marie:
    Ha ha! I wish you would have been there too. But! I hope to see you there for the 10th anniversary! We'll party like it's two-thousand and one!

    Memarie Lane:
    I think you were a little busy giving birth and stuff. ;o)

    With me it was more the fact that we wanted to spend it on furniture and stuff for our house and also, as weird as it is to believe, I'm not one for attention.

    Let me know and I'll send you one. He might even be wearing a funny little top hat.

    Things tend to fly out of my hands when I'm angry. With a hard hat, nobody gets a concussion.

    Wow. A whirlwind is right! :o)

    yeah, it sued to be my avatar for a while. It's a picture of me and Andy laughing. Hey, would you like a nice spider sandwich?

    Smart Ass:
    Yes, you're people too.

    Sinister Dan!!:
    22 minutes? I find that hard to believe since it takes about that time to stand up, kneel, stand up and kneel over and over.

    Would they let me swear in schools? I remember they used to frown upon that...

  32. Ettarose:
    Bees sting people. Ouchy.

    I like your reason for the hard hats better!

  33. I bet you are very happy I'm weird like that and like to take pictures... That's the only picture there is of the day that Andy gave me the t of hoping to have my own room for once in my life! :)

    Just kidding! I was a bit sad to see you move to the upstairs apartment...

  34. ok... I didn't understand what I said... let me try again...

    I bet you are very happy I'm weird like that and like to take pictures... That's the only picture there is of the day that Andy gave me the chance of hoping to have my own room for once in my life! :)

    Just kidding! I was a bit sad to see you move to the upstairs apartment...

  35. You should post another picture of you in your dress. You looked BEAUTIFUL!

  36. My story is almost as romantic ... and I got married just 12 days after you. Although I was on a beach ... and we got to sleep in an actual bed together immediately. I had no idea I was so lucky! ;)

  37. Ahh the simple life of a romantic...

    It now consists of nachos & sci-fi movies!!!!!

    I have trained you well my apprentice....

  38. That was a great post. Andy would drop his pant for the hottie with the largest chin boobs around and whose heart and soul is as voluptuous to match!

  39. That's awesome. You handled your marriage like any other errand on a Monday morning. Makes for a great story.

    And I love Johnny Cash...

  40. Love this blog. I just found it through clicking on various other blogs. Probably 'Aunt Becky'. You people crack me up!

  41. We hoped for nice lucked out wedding day that was simply perfect. We had 380 nd we could not have felt more joy and love on our wedding day.
    Batemans Bay accommodation


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