Tuesday, December 1, 2009

How deep can a cotton swab go?

So, last week I said I was feeling better and my brain capacity was back and blah blah blah... WELL! I've had a relapse. I blame Cook County Board President Todd Stroger. What an asshole! There. I said it.

I finally had enough and went to see my doctor. Obviously I would need the extra help from special little pills because my beloved Nyquil was not doing the trick (but it has been putting my lights out at night). I left work early (the bats practically shoved my ass out the door) so that Andy could drive me into THE CITY.

Let me tell you something, never EVER tell your doctor that you know FOR A FACT that you don't have XYZ disease because she will look at you sideways and pull out the biggest fucking cotton swab ever made and stick it in your nose! Twice!


It went in so deep she was juggling my eyeballs! Then she left the room and came back with a little strip and we watched it for a few minutes until she was satisfied that I was not with swine flu. Yay! The only other time I was that happy was when I peed on a stick and it came out negative.

So she gave me some antibiotics and then asked "Did your husband come with you?" puzzled, I answered that yes he had because I can't drive at night so she then yelled out to Magda something in Polish and next thing you know, Andy and I were ambushed and shot in the arm. It hurt, I won't lie to you but at least now we are sitting in an invisible bubble where the dreaded swine flu will ping ping PING! right off!

Andy was freaking out because he thought he would suffer some unknown side effects, like break-dancing, but he seems to be okay. He was very brave.


For those of you doubting the H1N1's powers, we had a beloved member in our family who was infected and it is very scary and real. I personally feel better knowing my Andy and I have been inoculated along with Natalia and my sister. Next up my mom and little Isabella.


Self Portraits by Isabella

Isabella self portrait 1

Isabella self portrait 2

Isabella self portrait 3  

Isabella self portrait 4

Isabella self portrait 5


  1. Get better! Glad ya don't have the swine flu.

    That munchkin is TOOOOO cute!

  2. A#1) Todd Stroger - Total tool. Between him and Daly I can't decide who sounds more like Mickey Mouse.

    B#2) I love cotton swabs (or Q Tips) more than life itself. I don't think I have ever stuck one up my nose but I have dug into my ear so far I touched the part of my brain that made me remember how to conjugate verbs in Spanish.

    C#3) I am preventing the spread of H1N1 with vodka. I would like to create some bumper sticker ribbons to aid in my campaign.

  3. I've heard stories where they actually poke it so far up it ends up in your brain! I swear! (no okay but almost). A friend of mine had a six feet of cotton shoved up his sinuses after a surgery, and had to pull it out all by himself.

    Man, noses are sensitive, leave them alone. I get imaginary pains from this.

  4. I am sneezing right now just thinking about it...or maybe it's because I have the ick as well! My Dr. didn't even suggest a flu shot for me.

    Hope you fell better pronto!

  5. so what, ya can't stick those frickin things in your ear but the doctor shoves em all up in your nose? I don't get it

    hope you feel better soon

  6. Did they find anything interesting in your nose? such as loose change?

  7. I'm glad the feral pigs did not take hold of you!

    Very cute kiddo photos.

  8. Glad you don't have the H1N1 bug. I got my shot two weeks ago and now I'm sniffling and sneezing but I know it isn't the bad stuff, so I'm good with it.

    Isabella is such a cutie pie. She is a real keeper. Feel better soon.

  9. """Juggling my eyeballs"""

    Hilarious. Andy and break dancing? Hilarious.

    After I got my cut, they asked me if I'd had a flu shot and I said I didn't want it. I've never had a flu shot and never gotten the flu. I don't get sick, I just jump right to surgery.

  10. I was on the fence about the whole H1N1 shot for whatever reason, then last week, I took my oldest son to the doc for a sports physical and at the end, she jabbed him with the shot, and then gave him the seasonal flu mist. I was all, "Well, I guess what's done is done, eh?" so while I was out making my co-pay, I asked if I could bring my youngest son in for the shot and mist, and the lady at the desk told me they didn't have any of either, and if they did, they were only giving it to high risk patients. I looked over at my oldest son and wondered if maybe he was like a king or something since he is not high risk - or SO HE TELLS ME!!

    Long story short, either the lady had no idea what she was talking about (because three other kids came in while we were waiting and got the poke) or we're playing a delicate germ balancing game around my place.

    Oh, and longer story short, I hope you get to feeling better soon!

  11. Hope you feel better soon!

    Pic #3 is my fav. She's adorable.

  12. maybe they were testing your dna


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.