Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Showering with Bee. But we're all fully clothed, m'mkay?

I'm not an environmental zealot by any stretch of the imagination but when I hear about something I may easily change about my habits that will help save a polar bear so he may live to eat more evil seals , I make an attempt to adjust my lifestyle.

The other day, while in the shower and listening to the radio, I heard the announcer say that if we all stopped using bottled body wash and used bars of soap instead, it would avoid a gabillion bottles going to landfills. I thought back to my life pre-bottled body wash and had no ill memories so I decided to give it a try. morning was my first day testing this *bar of soap experiment* since my body wash had officially run out. I chose Irish Spring as my soap because I imagined myself frolicking in a secluded spring with a good looking Irishman with strong hands and-uh [clears throat] yeah. I lathered up my wash cloth and was immediately disappointed when it didn't suds up as much as my body wash.

I'm a firm believer in the 'no suds, no clean' theory I made up for when I do laundry and dishes so I applied this same theory to my shower. I kept reapplying the soap to my wash cloth but I was running out of time so I did the best I could with what I had.

As I was rinsing, I immediately felt something abnormal. My skin started tightening. I looked at my arm to make sure it hadn't turned into plastic but it was as fleshy as ever. When I began drying myself, the tightening got worse! I dared not bend over for fear of my skin cracking wide open! I lotion-ed myself up as fast as I could and I instantly felt like those leather chairs that undergo oil treatments to make them all soft and mushy. Ahhh! I was back to normal! But fro how long?

I really don't know if I want to go through that again. I may just give my soap to Andy and look for a more woman friendly bar for myself. Womens out there, do you have any suggestions other than Dove and Caress? I want a soap that'll last me some time and not dissolve in water after the first use.

Later, as I was shellacking on my make up, I heard the radio dudes say that a Beluga whale had given birth and this caused a warm and fuzzy feeling in my tum tum so I was all "Awwww" but then I immediately followed it up with "Son of a bitch!" because this baby whale is 5'4 and 162 pounds which makes it skinnier and taller than me!

To recap, my skin now resembles a dried out mushroom and whales are taller and skinner than I am!

Crappy Holidays to me!


Just kidding, Santa.


  1. Bwahahaha. You crack me up every time. I use Olay soap. It leaves my skin very soft and without that tight feeling. I always use body lotion too though. I am hooked on the lotion from Victorias Secret called "Pink". I love the perfume too. mmmmm. I could lick my arms off after using it. I like Sweet Pea from Bath & Body Works too. (the scent not the taste).

    Oh, about the whale??? Dang!!!

  2. Yeah, I am NOT a fan of bar-soap at all, especially in the winter months. I have crazy dry skin. Sorry I cant offer up any suggestions other than Dove or Caress!

  3. That's exactly why I never use bar soap also. I don't get why there even is a difference? They're like all "ooh use me, let me lay on your sink and be kinda wet all the time and therefore look gross, and when you use me you will get paper dry hands. It's going to be awesome. Do me. Now!" and everytime I don't have a choice, I suffer.

    Someone should invent the GOOD bar soaps. Seriously, go to the moon? Done. Cure cancer? Done. Invent a bar soap that does not dry you out? Impossible.

  4. I think we have an awesome bar soap about the time we cure the common cold!

    Cute whale.

  5. I use Lever 2000, with vaseline

    skin refreshing

    pure rain scent because I don't care for fruity or flowery smells except on my fruit or flowers.

    if you unwrap your soap and let it sit out of the package for awhile it won't glop up and dissolve easily.

  6. Use a puff washing thing not a wash cloth. We use Irish spring and we have no issues. We've been using it for maybe 4 years...

  7. Use washing up liquid - it gets things sparkly clean, produces loads of satisfying bubbles and they market it as being good for your skin.

    Perhaps you could wash the dishes at the same time?

  8. Trying to be a manly man I thought I would always use bar soap. Then I was given a bottle of liquid. When I ran out of bars I had to try the liquid or stink and I am no stinker. Now I can't go back.

  9. Personally, I like the tight feeling, makes me feel like all the dirt was squeeeezed out to the very last drop. It also makes me feel like I just had a face lift. :-)

    Bar of soap girl all the way. Can't stand Dove or Caress, can't wash off that oily feeling.

  10. I can't help you. But I use Dr. Bronners in a bottle. Aside from all of the religious messages on it I think it might actual be better on the environment for some reason. Maybe god just likes it better because it speaks to him all over the label.

  11. do what i do, ride in back of a pickup truck when its going through the carwash

  12. Soap? You mean I should be showering with soap?

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  14. I like Vitabath, and I also buy goat milk soap. I love to try different stuff. I don't use body wash because something in it makes me ITCH like a mo'fo'. Try etsy for hand made soap. I use a lot of that as well, it has fewer chemicals and is better for the environment and all that crap. You'll get used to the dryer feeling. If you unwrap your soap and allow it to dry out a little for a couple weeks, sometimes that makes the soap seem less like it's just dissolving.

  15. Sadly, I have no idea on the soap since I use the man soap you mention.

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  16. Uhhh, its good you apologized to Santa after that comment! You KNOW hes watching.....


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