Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The *experience* of Nyquil


Nyquil? My Nyquil!

My droopy eyes shine brightly as I struggle with your childproof latch.

I curse the sadistic bastards who designed your container. They mock me!

I push down and turn the lid, nothing!

I blink until my watery gaze focuses on some random diagram...

I immediately notice their trickery!

After years of practice they have changed the rules!

Like all perverted heathens, their new dictum is "pinch and twist"!

Many attempts, and tears,  later, I successfully snap the top off and victoriously hold it up in the air, "In your faces, evil bottle manufacturers!"

My hand shakes, I pour 6 ounces of your emerald liquid into my tumbler.

Overdose? Maybe.

I breathe deeply of your intoxicating aroma, my sinuses clear.

The taste of your bitterness numbs my tongue, I gently swallow.

You coat my throat as you inch your way through my esophagus.

Warming my heart on your journey to my large intestine.

I feel a deep burning sensation as you mix with my stomach acid.

You slowly spread throughout my veins until coherent thought is abandoned...


The drowsiness overcomes me instantly.

The need for sleep and a last trip to the bathroom battle inside me.

The fear of wetting the bed is too powerful.

I lumber through the hall, crashing into imaginary vases.

Your influence over me terrifying but... in a non threatening way.

A way that says you will cradle me with the same love a wino protects his last few ounces of Chablis.

As I make my way back to the safety of my bed, my ears start tingling.

Allergic reaction? Probably.

In the far distance, I hear the chimes of antique bells lulling me to sleep.

Hallucinating? Definitely.

My lids, heavy. My whispers, slurred. My drool, flowing freely.

Do you hear that?

Those are the labored snores of one who is blissfully medicated and dreaming of swimming in an emerald river.

Also available in cherry flavor.



  1. You need to just jab the side of that bottle with a knife or something and shotgun it down, fraternity-style!

  2. I hate Nyquil. It makes me shudder as I swallow it. But so do other things...

  3. lucky you, I can't do any type of cold medicine

  4. you should be like a cowboy in a bar and bash the neck off on the side of a table. i wanna be a cowboy

  5. As with all child-proof lids, the best way to open them is get a child to do it ;-)

  6. I'm with Brian on that one! Natalia opened the child proof bottle of vitamins!

  7. Glad you're feeling...er...numb today, Bee. Hope your flu goes away soon. Be careful that you don't overdose. We'd all be really sad if you woke up in a coma.

  8. Cherry flavor may attract zombies. Stick to the original.

    Hope you feel better soon.

  9. Is Nyquil the same as mushrooms? Oh, you lucky Americans, getting legal trippy cough meds! Not fair.

  10. Little does she know the NyQuil has been replaced with mint syrup.

  11. Don't mess with my Nyquil Andy! Stay back!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.