Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Viva Le Secret Santa Can Suck It! Year Deux!

Well, it's that time of year where we buy expensive gifts for people who will turn around and store them in their closets. And that's nowhere to keep puppies. For too long.

Anyway, this year I got Reforming Geek as my victim for SSCSI. I've been reading her for over a year and I'm usually jealous of her nice weather. Especially when I have to walk out of my house into the frozen tundra. But! There are times when I read her blog and think "that chick is all kinds of nuts!" like when she goes on those early morning triathlons and she does all that exercising to ""stay in shape"" and ""be healthy"" that's why God invented plastic surgery, duh!

So I sat at my desk and wondered what I could get the girl that has everything, including health. Finally, after a half dozen brownies, I had a great idea!

She really loves to make rum balls. I mean she really really likes to EAT rums balls. Sooooo, since we all know how difficult it is to remove balls from rum (rum tends to kick and scream)(from both pleasure and pain) you kinda have to stand on their neck while somebody else takes the pliers and... well, I won't give you too many details since I don't want anyone passing out on aisle 3.

To spare RG all that screaming and splattered rum juice, I invented this super nifty gadget I will call:

The Rum Baller 2000

cell 12.21.09 022

I know what you're thinking. That it looks like a funnel but it's not!

cell 12.21.09 017cell 12.21.09 015 (yes, those are Andy's hands but he didn't know what I was up to so he's free of sin)

You put the rum at the top and shake until the "EXPOSED AREA" is dangling through the tiny opening at the bottom and then you pinch off- wait, YOU PINCH OFF the little rum balls.


No mess, no fuss, no alcoholics waiting to lick the rum juice off your counter! Yes, I know rum balls are clear and have no pigmentation but I dyed them the color of red potatoes so you could see them.

It's also available in 10 different sizes.

And so, RG, I hope my gift serves you for a very long time to come. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!



Keep out of reach of all male members (PADUM PUMP!) of your family to avoid freak accidents. Also, this product is patent pending and while I'm waiting for said patent I will be drinking a little rum, doing a little dance...


Please see the links on the side bar titled Secret Santa Can Suck It II for the rest of the participants.


  1. Did you fondle them a little before you gifted them? Heh!

  2. That's brilliant, Bee. It will reduce the amount of time I have to spend in the kitchen and provide a...er....different kind of pleasure!

    Thanks so much for thinking of me. I'll never be able to make a rum ball without a fit of laughter and I might have nightmares tonight.

    Yeah, right. ;-)

  3. You are an intoxicating host, Bee. Happy holidays!

  4. I have always, always wondered how they got the balls off rum

  5. I only found out recently, through reforming geek of course, that rum even had balls. I know, sheltered life

  6. This was a lot of fun. Thanks for organizing!

  7. Deballing anything is never pretty.

  8. Damn. I wish I had known about this! Awesome idea. I want in.

  9. I want a ball. No, I want balls!

  10. Say What guy from regretsy.comDecember 22, 2009 at 9:39 PM

    Say What?

  11. I still don't know what the hell I did there.

  12. Bee, I am sorry that my gift wasn't as well thought out as some of the others...now that I understand better, next year mine will be creative! I love this idea, I have gotten introduced to so many new blogs! Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of!

  13. i wish to purchase two of these fine instruments please. will you accept s&h green stamps as payment?


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.