Monday, December 14, 2009

You know how sometimes you want to do something because you think "how bad can it be?" and then your brain tries to talk you out of it by reminding you of that one time you shoplifted and your mom spanked you so hard the brand name of her shoe is still stenciled to your ass? Yeah, it's like that!

I am an intelligent person. I swear I am. But sometimes oh my lord can I make stupid decisions!

It all started a week ago when I was going to make cheesy salsa dip. It involves only 2 things. Salsa and cream cheese. In order to mix the two, the cream cheese needs to be softened so I took out a brick of Philly Cream Cheese, accept no substitutions,  and let it sit on the counter for a little while. The little while turned out to be a week because we ran out of chips for dipping then we forgot to buy more then I became sidetracked etc.

Well, on Sunday, I decided to make a fruit cocktail that is infamous in our house. One of the ingredients is cream cheese. We bought 2 fresh bricks, I mixed everything together, then tasted it. Bleh! Too sweet! I thought to myself "gee! I wish had one more thing of cream cheese! ... Wait a minute!"

Does anyone else see where this is going?

I opened the package that had sat on my counter for about 2 weeks (yes, it probably was 2 weeks) and did a sniff test. The smell of cream cheese isn't a pleasant one to begin with so that didn't work.

Okay, I'll just TASTE it. I licked it- just kidding! I'm not an animal! I take a little piece and put it in my mouth, not bad! I taste a bigger piece JUST TO BE SURE! Still tastes good. In my head, I'm thinking the warning to keep refrigerated is a gross exaggeration! This thing has been out for at least 3 weeks (yes, may have been about 21 days) and it's fine! It's probably because the kitchen was so cold- without thinking, I take another piece and eat it as I'm rummaging through the fridge for orange juice that's when I notice I do have another container of cream cheese so I decide to use that instead. Better safe than sorry, you know?

cell 12.14.09 019 I threw out the old warm cream cheese that was still perfectly fine and used the refrigerated one. My desert came out great once I de-sweeten it and we lived happily ever after! Only not!

Currently, I'm sitting at my desk (okay, computer cart!) waiting for Freddy Krueger to rip his way out of my stomach so that I may finally be at peace! The pain is un-freakin-bearable! Seriously. If I'm ever taken hostage and the terrorists want to make me spill the recipe for my pulled pork sandwiches all they have to do is give me expired cream cheese and wait 20 minutes.

This will go on my "do not do ever again!" list. Along with 'rub eyes after cleaning red pepper shaker' 'stick hands in shark tank' 'walk out in 10 degree weather while rocking flip flops' 'tap dance on thin ice' Well, let's face it, the list goes on and on.


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  1. All this business of making your own food is overrated - it involves wastage and poisoning. Not to mention waiting around for things to heat up/rot/cool down, etc. That's why I buy tins and packets.

  2. I once drank half a bottle of prune juice and then for some reason took 2 tbsp of that medicine that ensures poopage. I did both those things in 5 minutes.

    I'm guessing we had the same reaction.

  3. That was funny.

    El Sairch

  4. EEEWWWW! I love cream cheese, but now I have a whole new outlook on it.

  5. Oh, Bee. The season is getting to you. I hope things worked out (pun intended)!

    I think you need some wine to recover.

  6. pulled... pork... sandwiches...

  7. Thanks for the warning. I tend to ignore expiration dates sometimes too. I will never risk it with the cream cheese.

  8. That's too funny.

    I hope you feel better soon.

    So glad I found your blog Bee!

    amy xxx

  9. I hope you let all that gas rip.

    finally payback for the bats

  10. I demand a picture of your ass to prove it.

  11. I hope you're feeling better. Yikes. I am so picky about dairy products especially. To me, milk is expired no later than the day on the jug, if not sooner.

  12. Dude...I have done that...and then when it doesn't kill me in 5 seconds, I am all like, it's fine! Ugh! I'm allergic to jalapenos and they make really sick. Yes, I still eat them sometimes. Then I am crying to myself later promising I will never do it again. Something is wrong with me.

  13. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it.


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