Monday, June 22, 2009

♪♫ Saturday in the park... think it was the fist of a fly. ♪♫

Despite all the sore bones and blisters (Sore Bones & Blisters would make an awesome band name), we had a great time on Saturday. We hosted the whole family for a thank you extravaganza and had some yummy food prepared by yours truly. Everything went smoothly until the end where I accidentally knocked over the guacamole dish, NO, I WAS NOT DRUNK, and then all hell broke loose.

Tazz, knowing my mom makes the best guacamole in the world, ran to claim his share. We tried to stop him because of the pesky glass that could rip his stomach open and he was not pleased. His goal then became to take a piece out of every living person around him and he lived up to his Lhasa Apso Tibetan ancestry. A vicious Tazz is a scary and formidable sight. And he will live to be about 140. That's uh hold on, let me get a calculator... ... ... 20 in human years. I also discovered that he may suffer from macular degeneration in the near future and if you’re thinking this will give us the perfect opportunity to escape his attacks, you would be wrong since they do not rely on their eyesight to attack things which piss them off. Mostly Andy.

After everybody had left, Andy and I decided to go see The Hangover (<--preview) for its last showing of the evening. As most of you may know, Andy and I usually hit the movies on Sundays at predawn so we may take advantage of the cheapest priced tickets and also the lack of obnoxious teenagers and howly kids. The theater will usually only have about 10 people including us and that’s how we like it but we figured that if we went Saturday night, we would have most of Sunday to just sit around and get moldy.

We got into the car in the cover of darkness, said a little prayer and left the safety of our driveway. Shivering.

Once at the theater, we bought our tickets and nachos with no unusual incidents other than this geeky guy walking around with an orange backpack and neon blue shoes. What the hell kind of combination is that? There were only a handful of people in the theater so I thought it would be a nice, harmless experience. The feeling didn’t last though because people kept walking in, including Mr. Orange Backpack Neon Blue Shoes, and sitting close enough where I could smell what they had for dinner.

About 10 minutes into the movie, two men were having a discussion about how best to handle a phone call.

One guy said “Hang up the phone asshole or I’m gonna go over and hang it up for you!”

I thought that was reasonable.

Douchebag:
I’m on a call!

Hero:
You have 30 seconds to hang up the fucking phone!

Douchebag:
30 seconds? Cool. That should be enough time to finish my call [to person on the phone] So anyway—

Hero:
HANG UP THE PHONE OR I’ll TAKE YOU OUTSIDE!

Douchebag:
Take me outside? Are we in a movie? Pfft! He's gonna take me outside!

Hero [stood up and went to sit next to El Douche]:
You gonna keep talking?

Douchebag:
This is harassment!

And in what can only be called a beautiful display of unity, (almost) EVERYONE IN THE THEATER:
Both of you SHUT THE FUCK UP!

They both left.

I made sure I had my running shoes on in case I needed to haul ass out of there. Although, I had just had a Mike’s Hard Lemonade so maybe I would have stayed and rumbled.

When we were leaving the movie theater, there was a 70 year old couple exiting the aisle. The man was laughing but the woman was admonishing him for doing so.

Old lady:
Why are you laughing? That was the stupidest movie I have ever seen!

Old dude:
No. It was very amusing.

Old lady:
What is wrong with you??

And as soon as we were out of earshot Andy and I started laughing because we knew exactly what scenes had offended her. I’m not telling you what they are since it would ruin the movie's shockingness. All in all, we still think that old couple is pretty cool for venturing out at that late hour without being afraid of the night crawlies.

Going to a late movie was a nice adventure but I don't thing we'll be repeating that experience any time soon.

Oh yeah, there was one heartbreaking moment on Saturday. I found my first grey hair. Wait. Did you hear me? I, Bee Still-young-person, have discovered a horrific silver hair amongst my beautiful multicolored (because I have way too many different shades of brown, some black and even ORANGE) locks.

This whole getting old thing is unacceptable.

12 comments:

  1. FIRST!!!!!!!

    Knocking things over and turning grey are symptoms of premature aging. As is complaining about obnoxious teenagers and howly kids. No doubt things were different when you were young...

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  2. I glad the obnoxious patrons left the movie but the guy with the backpack? Weird. Maybe they should have explosive detectors at theaters.

    Sorry about that guac and the spazoid Tazz (there is a reason he's named Tazz, right?) but you're not getting any sympathy from me on that grey hair. What? Just one? Sheesh.

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  3. I wonder if they did fight! That almost sounds more exciting than the movie! I had a lhasa apso when I was a little girl but my parents gave it away because it kept biting my legs. I think his name was Henry.

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  4. mmmm... spilled guacamole, yum!

    whats in it?

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  5. Gah! Forget Hero and The Douche! I'd have slunk out of the theater when Backpack Guy sat down. I have an irrational fear of people who walk around with backpacks. It's the same concerns I have when I'm paying for my tasty beverage at a convenience store and someone comes barging in the doors like they're taking over the place.

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  6. I am speechless-you broke the gauc bowl??? and a grey hair??? all in the same weekend!

    I so wanna see The Hangover-but I cant do theaters-I am hoping it comes out at the drive in

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  7. Being mostly bald, I would take hair in any color - it can always be changed later.

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  8. You haven't had a movie experience until you've gone to a midnight premier of a Harry Potter movie.

    And boo-hoo on your gray hair. I have lots of gray hairs and I'm younger than you.

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  9. that is such a total waste of a good dip



    sorry

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  10. the today spongeJune 23, 2009 at 6:10 PM

    my cousin is a douchebag

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  11. The second gray hair is worse. Then you know it wasn't just a fluke. :)

    Wasn't the hangover hilarious? There's a tiger in the bathroom!

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  12. I had a similar run in with a guy at the P.O. and he would NOT hang up his phone even though there was a huge echo of his voice and he was talking loudly to begin with. He called me a bitch into the phone (to his friend) and I was all, Dude, you're the bitch. I hate cell phones.

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