As some of you may know, I'm a huge fan of Man vs Wild with Bear Grylls. Well, I watch it because I love to mock the host's obsession with drinking his urine and eating squirrels (I hate squirrels) I was watching it this evening and I haven't laughed so hard since... the last time I laughed so hard (I'm probably just easily amused). If you have a chance to watch it you must do so!
Also, I've invented a new fad diet. Bear Grylls said that in extreme cold, like the arctic, you lose up to 6,000 calories a day. Twice as many as normal. So, who wants to come with me to Antarctica or Siberia? I figure it'll take me about 3 months to lose the weight I want to lose. Okay maybe 6 months. And that's if I lose a whole leg.
And now, a snippet from "Confessions of a Pseudo Receptionist"
Bee (answering the phone):
Good morning, Arkham Asylum.
Old lady:
I WANT TO TALK TO THE DOCTOR!!
Bee:
The doctor isn't in yet, may I take a message--
Old lady:
I SAID!! I WANT TO TALK TO THE DOCTOR!!!!
Bee:
M'am? He is not in yet. Let me take a message--
Old lady (yelling at someone else):
SHE WON'T LET ME TALK TO THE DOCTOR!! I WANT TO TALK TO THE DOCTOR! NOW!
Bee:
If you don't stop yelling, I will hang up on you. He is not in. He comes in at 11 and it is only 9.
Old lady:
WHEN DR. NEVERHEARDOFHIM CALLS ME BACK I AM GOING TO REPORT YOU!
Bee:
That doctor is not in our practice. Do you have the right doctor's office?
Old lady:
OF COURSE I DO! I'M OLD NOT STUPID!
Bee:
That's your opinion.
Old lady:
WHAT??
Bee:
I SAID HE'S NOT IN!
Old lady:
THIS WOMAN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING! [CLICK!]
She had the wrong doctor's office but I'm the dumb one. Multiply that shit times 20. I like my job and hate filling in for the receptionist. In my position I can argue, yell and fight with anybody who dares piss me off. As the receptionist, I have to pretend I like people.
FIRST!!!!
ReplyDeleteFrostbite can cause extremities to fall off, though your nose is usually the first thing to go. I wonder how much that weighs?
Pretending to like people ... now that one can be a killer!
ReplyDeleteI watched it last night too. I couldn't stay awake the 1st night it showed. I had the same thought.. 6,000 calories.... nope.. I need that to stay warm TYVM so I will stay here in semi-sunny Florida.
ReplyDeleteI had a caller the other day bitch about the long time he had to hold just to pay a bill. We aren't the company he was trying to pay. When I told him he had the wrong number HE cussed ME out! I simply said, "sir it is not MY fault YOU dialed the wrong number and didn't listen to the recording that says we are not your utility company and to check your bill for the right number to call that plays the ENTIRE minute you were on hold" He called me an f'n bitch and hung up. That makes me happy!
Oh man, you and my sister could share some stories!! She works in the front office of a family practice...and she has some stories.
ReplyDeleteAnd the rest of us who are actually nice to the receptionist sometimes have to suffer because of people like that.
ReplyDeleteI didn't do very well with my first retail sales job where I had to be nice to people all day. By the end of some days, I wanted to bury my head in the sand.
Old people test the limits of my homicidal resistance...
ReplyDeleteI love Bear. I mean, I don't love him enough to ever, ever, ever think I'd drink my own urine, but I love him.
ReplyDeleteAlso? I would not wrap myself in the carcas of a rotting dead animal or eat things pulled from their steaming remains. I guess what I'm saying is, I love Bear IN THEORY.
I have that episode taped, but we've not yet watched it. I have a feeling it will be funnier than Land of the Lost, though.
I don't know about drinking your own urine...
ReplyDeletealthough yesterday Lean and I licked a dog treat--it tasted like nothing. who knew?
I've resisted this show because I think Bear Grylls is a silly name. You have broken through my silliness: I will TiVo this show immediately.
ReplyDeleteI knew someone who drank her own urine. She said it was like a microchip that had all the information on how to cure cancer, AIDS etc. Wow.
Needless to say, I avoided her breath.
I love man vs wild too. The Will Ferrell episode was pure comedy gold. I loved it.
ReplyDeletejeanknee must be having those cheap generic costco snaks they taste like cardboard, which is ok, but for a real epicurial delight you must try 'pork chop' brand bones yum!
ReplyDeletealso the human says try soaking the cheap treats in rum, whatever that is
oh and ive lost some other things near my penis, or more accurately had them taken, but i have never ever misplaced that!
I missed that episode, If you drink your own urine do you Pee it out as water?
ReplyDeleteI LOVE to make fun of Bear and his urine obsession as well. My husband dvr's that show and then we watch it when we're drunk because that actually makes it worth watching. Also? He looks like a mentally disabled cousin of mine. Although I've never seen my cousin pee in a snake skin and save it to drink later.
ReplyDeleteHow many calories do I lose if I just jack up the AC and put ice packs in my shorts?
ReplyDelete