I was sitting at my desk, typing my own business, when Scarecrow came and told me she had a funny story that she knew I would appreciate because I, me, myself am such a great story teller. I cut her off and asked her to please tell me more about how great I am before I let her continue with her ““funny”” story.
Here is what she told me:
The other day I made pickles but I wanted to get them out of my house so I took some to both my mom and my mother-in-law and my minivan smelled like pickles all day even though I bought an air freshener!
[I waited for the punch line]
[I scratched my head and stuck my pinkie in my ear because it was itchy]
[I looked at the time and wondered how many lollipops I could stuff in my mouth without drooling]
[I finally had to ask…]
Is that it?
Yeah. Isn’t it funny?
Tell ya' what I’m gonna do for you. I am going to overhaul your story so that when you tell it to people, you get a couple of chuckles. (Yeah, I have that much of an ego.) Ready?
— I made some pickles this weekend only to realize I had more than my husband and children would ever eat, I don’t like pickles you see, so I decided to give some to my mom and mother-in-law. Despite the forecast for cool weather, the day was hot n’ humid and as a result they were particularly eh… pungent. Okay lets be honest they STUNK like a $4 dollar hooker with a hangover on a summer day!
[wait for snickers here]
I opened my windows and drove merrily singing to Dr. Dre's’ “Nuthin' But A 'G' Thang"—
What song is that?
It doesn’t have to be that song but pick one that would be bizarre hearing you sing.
— Even though the smell was overpowering, I imagined the pleasure my moms would have when eating their pickles so I tried to breathe through my mouth. Besides, once I delivered them, the smell would leave my car, right? WRONG!
The scent clung to every fiber of my minivan with the tenacity of a koala bear on peyote.—
It doesn’t have to make sense.
— I stopped at a nearby Walgreen’s and bought a piña colada air freshener in the hopes that the coconut would drive the smell away but the only thing it did was have me daydreaming of rum.
[wait for applause here]
I didn’t know you didn’t like pickles!
::sigh:: I love pickles but I know YOU don’t like pickles and you have to make people aware of that fact so they know why the smell of them would drive you insane.
Oh. I don’t think I can remember all that but I’ll try it.
[later in the day]
Scarecrow [to PD]:
I bought a piña colada air freshener because my minivan smelled like a hooker covered in pickle juice!
And that, my friends, made me laugh.