We finally found the SOURCE of the moths. It seems my front coat storage closet has been their home for quite a while. I think I saw a hot tub in there.
The discovery was like something out of a Hitchcock horror flick. I went to put away a couple of my purses and when I opened the door, there were about 10 moths still as can be, probably waiting to attack me at just the right moment. Lucky for me, my reflexes are finely tuned when it comes to bugs so I valiantly screamed and closed the door in one quick move.
I looked up ways to kill moths (besides swatting them I mean, or drowning them, or burning them)(PETA STAY AWAY I don't really burn moths) and I couldn't find anything even remotely helpful. We decided to try mothballs but after we brought them home, we read the instructions and I am now fearing for my life because the stupid warnings say not to let that crap touch your skin and here I rolled them in my hands and played dice with them!
I put a few in the closet and closed the door but I can smell them where I'm sitting and I'm about 14 feet away. Right now I'm trying to decide which is worse. Constantly battling moths or the smell of poisoned old lady house.
My eyes are burning. Maybe I have some moth genes in me. Maybe I have moth balls. Get it? It's a good thing you cant see me right now because you'd be wondering what the hell I'm on.
Also, I remember when I was a little kid I did some experiment with moth balls and uh something else for a school science project. I can't remember what it was about and I'm too stoned to google it but if those suckers are that poisonous, why didn't anybody warn me? Can I sue my teacher? Only I don't remember what grade I was in or what state I was living in and maybe what planet I was on. Seriously, should I get rid of those things? Cameron Diaz is playing a mom on her next movie. It's about time they gave her an age appropriate role. She still looks great but I don't need to keep seeing her underroo covered hiney dancing around. The word hiney makes me laugh. Oh lord! Emiio Esteves is like 400 pounds! I think that's Emilio Estevez. I'm watching Burn Unit. No, that can't be him!
Little side convo:
Bee:
Andy! I spelled Hitchcock wrong! And then I realized--
Andy:
How did you spell it?
Bee:
H-i-t-c-o-c-k-- but that's when I realized--
Andy:
That's not how it's spelled!
Bee:
I know! I'm trying to say that's when I realized his name is HITCH-COCK!
Andy:
Yeaaaaaaah? What are you saying? He should have changed his name?
Bee:
Yeah to uhm Tetherpenis or maybe Strappenis hahahahahahaha
Andy:
... That's not funny.
Bee:
It's not? Oh. Never mind then.
Whatever, I thought it was funny.
If somebody knows if that was Emilio Estevez on Burn Unit or just some dude that looks just like him, let me know. I'm tired of thinking. Stay tuned tomorrow.I'm sharing our experience at a late night viewing of The Hangover.
"It's a good thing you can't see me right now because you'd be wondering what the hell I'm on." Probably wouldn't be wondering. By now, we're used to you acting goofy, whether you're high or not (um, not to say that you get a lot high yet...or that you want to...okay, maybe you do...okay, um, never mind).
ReplyDeleteHitchcock was called "Hitch" by everyone, including his wife. As he used to like to explain, "Hitch. Without the 'cock'". He wouldn't have wanted to change his name - he loved to shock people...
ReplyDeleteCouldn't you have just set fire to them, or something?
OMG YOU ARE SO GOING TO KISS ME WITH TONGUE WHEN I TELL YOU THIS...
ReplyDeleteThose "moths" are actually meal (sp?) moths and guess where they come from? Your groceries. They hide in the boxes of your cereal, pasta, etc. They eat the glue that seals the boxes. How do I know this? Been there, done that.
After exterminators tried to help me find the 'nest' and FAILED, the only advice they could give me was to put all boxes from supermarkets IMMEDIATELY into the fridge, it kills the moth eggs. I do that except with cereal but I should do it even with that. When you see them, kill them ASAP because it means your house is already infested.
2 years after the exterminator gave up on finding the nest (they LOVE wool and you HAVE to use moth balls at first)I found it.
Under my bed. In a suitcase with a fuckin ZIPPER, I kept escape the earthquake clothes. Wool top and pants and I also stored a wool rug under the bed. They were all over everything. Had to toss it all.
I saw Emilio on "Two and a Half Men" recently and yes, he has put on a few pounds.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the moth infiltration. I say screw PETA and just torch the little bastards. Hell, torch a PETA activist while you're at it.
Easiest just to napalm them. Problem solved. Oh, you may need a new house but hey, no solution is perfect ...
ReplyDeleteI always thought moth balls repelled moths instead of killing them - not that I care a whit about their nasty little wool and silk eating lives.
ReplyDeleteLive and learn.
I also sprinkle moth balls in my flower beds to keep dogs and squirrels from inappropriate pooping and digging.
Cheers
I'm sorry you now have balls and will smell like an old lady.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather deal with the moths than the smell of the balls. Eeewww!
ReplyDeleteToday, I feel the need to call someone Tetherpenis.
ReplyDeleteOh the Horror!!!
ReplyDeletePETA's gonna be all over you
after all you aren't a buuddha but a human being, thank god or you'd be a statue, but anyway something like you are just a human and breast milk makes good ice cream
When I was a kid, one of my great aunts who was a MILLION years old, would always bring rolls to all the family dinners.
ReplyDeleteThey tasted like moth balls.
It was DISGUSTING!
The only reason they tasted like that is because she kept moth balls in the same cupboard as her flour.
DON'T make the same mistake....bleh!
UR:
ReplyDeleteWell, goofy is not so much acting as it is a skill.
Brian:
I don't know, Brian. Strappenis would be more shocking to me than Hitchcock.
I don't like the smell of burnt moth. It smells similar to burnt hair.
Suzy:
That's what I was afraid of. Now I'm going to have to move stuff and clean stuff... I need a maid.
Chris @ Mville:
I remember that episode. Hmmm maybe it was him. Do you like your PETAs medium or well done?
Chris Wood:
I used all my nepalm to shave my legs.
David:
I seem to remember the box said it would kills eggs and do other harmful things to moths. It also said not to use as squirrel deterrent and not to mix with Ice tea.
RG:
I do NOT smell like balls!
AD:
Yep. My house no longer has the pleasant *wet dog* smell. Now it smells like death.
AH&U:
It would be my dream come true if you do!
jean knee:
PETA ShMETA:
They can kiss my lily white foot.
BG:
I double bagged it and put it under the kitchen sink but now I think I'll move it to the garage. Now I want biscuits.
I have this weird aversion to the smell of moth balls. I can't stand to even walk by the aisle in the store where they are displayed. I gag and run away. Maybe I'm a female moth?
ReplyDeleteDear God! They can come from our groceries?! I am silently screaming! Unlike the time I had the bloody McDonald's wrapper. That scream was loud and outloud. But bug eggs and heaven knows what else in our delicious treats?! I've gotta suck this info up before dinner tonight.
ReplyDeleteNo. Tetherpenis is funny. In fact, it's very funny.
ReplyDeleteBeen there with the moths. Good luck. Nothing better than to be swatting at a moth when no one else knows what you are doing and they just think you're a spaz.
ReplyDelete