Tuesday, May 26, 2009

So hello there! Did you miss me? I had a great time on my mini break, thanks for asking!

I know you’re probably dying to know what crazy high jinks we’ve got into but we had a pretty tame weekend so no juicy news for you!

Okay, I'll tell you about it anyway...

On Friday I continued with my landscaping and grub killing extravaganza. I am now the meanest, shortest, smelliest grub killer in the Midwest. Also, my sister took this picture of a bird taking a crap in my frog planter. To the bird I ask, "what the hell bird? the whole world is your toilet but you chose my freakin frog? asshat!"

bird taking a crap Damn thing even turned away pretending to be embarrassed.

That reminds me of an old joke my uncle Curly used to tell me. He said that when he was out in rural farms delivering The Coca Cola and he needed to go, um, poopsie, he would go in a field, drop his pants and close his eyes. When I would ask why he closed his eyes he'd say "So anybody driving by wouldn't see me going poopsie" and when I would question that logic he would reply "if I can't see them, they can't see me!" Yeah, pretty much my whole family is weird.

On Saturday, at the BCD (butt crack of dawn), we went to the laundromat and I threw the mother of all tantrums because the machines were all being assholes! We then moved my momma and she is now officially on a separate floor which means all toys that belong to people under the age of 30 have been relocated and now my house doesn’t look like the McDonald’s play area.

On Sunday we took our one day vacation (because there is no budget this year for going anywhere exciting… sorry Wisconsin) and went to my in-laws’ campground where we all fell asleep in front of the TV and probably snored in unison.

On Monday I cleaned my house and rid it of all the construction dust that had accumulated because my logic was “what’s the point in cleaning today if it’ll look the same tomorrow” (you may recognize that logic if you have teens/preteens/husbands) from top to bottom then went to see Angels and Demons so that I may rest my old decrepit bones.

And now you’re jealous because my life is much more exciting than yours. What can I say? Not everybody can be this cool.

I enjoyed every last drop of this Holiday weekend and today was crashing about the office because I’d forgotten how to walk around walls. My only consolation is that we are already on Tuesday and it’ll be the weekend in no time. Hopefully.

I just heard it will rain until tomorrow night. I'm glad because we've obviously NOT had enough rain.


To Brian and jean knee who thought something catastrophic had happened to me like pig flu or death, thanks guys! You always know how to brighten my day! Jerks.


Does anybody watch Jon and Kate + 8? (For those of you who have lives and have no idea who they are, they are a young couple who over fertilized themselves and had 8 kids. They have been on TV for about 4 years or so.) I can’t explain why but I’ve become obsessed with the Jon and Kate Gosselin drama. Will they stay together? Will they get a divorce? They went from looking like they loved each other to hating each other in the blink of an eye. I really hope they pull it together because I’m running out of shows to watch.


  1. At least the bird chose the planter. During my Memorial Day weekend I have one bomb me on the arm, shirt, and leg.

    Living in the midwest is AWESOME.

    Oh, and somehow my blog has been attached to an article about J&K+8 . I can't find the article but am hoping someone out there can do it for me! (I guess it was on USA Today)

  2. SECOND!
    ... I've always wanted to be one of the top three...

  3. Ok so you had a much more productive weekend than I had. I was busy drinking my friend's birthday in... and going to concerts...

    It was a lot of drinking!
    SO! Here's to you being more productive! *raises a sangria to you *

  4. I could care less about John&Kate, but I feel sorry for the kids.

    But, I am glad that they are all over the news because that means we aren't hearing about Miss CA.

  5. You were gone?

    Just kidding. I did notice your previous post falling down on my blog roll. No really, I did!

    Your weekend sounds a lot like ours, except for the moving mom part. We would love to move Hubby's mom....to a RETIREMENT COMMUNITY! It's a long story that I can't post.

    I love BCD. We have a friend that uses that expression or "o-dark-thirty" which for some reason makes me feel old. Maybe it was the storm that woke me up around that time this morning.

  6. That is a lot of things to do in one weekend! Glad you're back!

    I used to watch J&K + 8 but Kate started grating on my nerves. I don't think Jon is excused for cheating but I always wondered why he put up with her shit. There was one show last season where he said something about letting the kids nose poke around and she told him "use another word please" and waited for him to correct himself. What a bitch!

  7. In my defence, there aren't many good excuses for neglecting your readers, and I'd overlooked the possibility that you might actually have found something better to do with your time...

  8. You could always start watching 18 Kids & Counting. Those darn Duggars are wacky!

  9. I sorta care/don't care about Jon and Kate. She's really mean to him and it makes me uncomfortable. She's abusive.

  10. I for one assumed you were in a coma dreaming about cheese. Birds are evil and will steal your soul if you give them a chance.

  11. "Sorry Wisconsin" je je they should rename the show "john and Kate plus eight minus John" or "john and Kate plus eight and a hooker"

  12. Your weekend sounds a lot like mine. I am glad to know I had company. I did get time to BBQ and have a few cold ones on Monday.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.