Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Serenity now!

Today, after work, I went to pick up the refill for my blood pressure meds at my local Walgreen's. While I normally park as far as possible because that is the only exercise my butt gets, I was tired and cranky so I was happy to find a spot right near the entrance (SCORE!).

Well, it turns out some older guy (in his 50s with no visible handicaps) must have called dibs on the parking spot from all the way across the street because he pounded at my window while I was getting my purse. That startled the shit out of me! I was thinking maybe my car was on fire and I needed to exit it immediately? I opened the door, got out of my car and noticed he had stopped his car behind mine. It took a second to realize he was yelling at me. He was pissed off because I "" took "" his spot. The gas-bag said he had seen it from the other entrance of the parking lot and was heading towards it when I swiped it from under his nose.


I told him the spot didn't have his name on it and I'm sure he was used to disappointment. I walked inside and ignored his rantings. Seriously? What a fucking douchebag!

As I made my way to the pharmacy section, I had called in my refill so I didn't have to wait long, I noticed he was going to the pharmacy too. He continued his caterwauling while he was standing behind me. After I paid for my meds, I turned around and said loudly "Stop hitting on me! You're too old and I'm married!" at which point I raised my hand and pointed at my ring finger. It probably would have helped if I was wearing a ring but no matter. His stunned silence and the snickers of the people behind him was awesome!

I'm guessing he too was picking up blood pressure meds but as you can see, I remained calm, cool and collected. As I walked away, I whispered "Asshole!" loud enough for him to hear and then ran away like Daniel San after he teased the white boys*.

Yeah, bad day for me.

To make matter worse, I locked myself out of the house while I was watering flowers and I had to bang at all the windows and look like an idiot because my HUSBAND wears earphone things when he's saving the world from orcs and my mom was upstairs watching her loud novels. The only ones who heard me were the dogs and they have no idea what a door knob is. Tazz would probably pee on it and then Mocha would lick it. When Andy finally came to the door he asked "where's your cell phone?" Well Scarlett and I have are having technical difficulties so I left her behind thinking I would only be outside for a few minutes. And then he said he was going to install a doggy door for the next time I locked myself out. My man is such a comedian! I was going to suffocate him in his sleep but then I had a beer and now all is right with the world.


The summer, it almost be here.

*That is a Karate Kid reference, Brian!


  1. I like your bench...if you run to the fridge and get me a beer, I'll sleep on it for as long as you can stand ;)

  2. Everyone know you can't call dibs on a spot from all the way across the street. -100 to that weird guy.
    Bee what the heck? You had a bad day (Because you had a bad day♪♫
    You're taking one down ♫
    You sing a sad song just to turn it around♪...zzzzz... etc)
    Andy should give you a foot massage or something.

  3. Your garden (back yard? nexus of solitude?) is AWESOME!
    I am very impressed :D

  4. Pardon my French, but what an asswipe! That guy apparently thought he had balls bigger than he actually has to get all up on you in the parking lot of the Walgreens! That's just taking a bad day and escalating it. Bleh.

    Not bleh? Damn, girl! Your backyard! I want to go there! Please come to my house and make my backyard as beautiful and green and glowing. I can not pay you, but I will reward you with smiles. You could even put a planter I didn't like on the deck and I assure you I'd not get all up on you to scream in your face!

  5. ROFLMAO!!! I can't believe you actually said that to that jerk!! I'm going to remember that line in case I ever need to use it.

  6. Your garden always looks so idyllic, I don't know why you'd be in a hurry to go back indoors, at least until it rained or you got hungry.

    You should build a summerhouse and stock it up with a month or two's worth of tinned food. And a backup emergency blogging computer. And a tin opener.

  7. I like Brian's idea...
    and AWESOME! to your comeback to the ASSHOLE who accused you of taking his spot. What-EVER!

    My birthday has gone well. I had a beer for you, a martini for me... and most of a bottle of wine for everyone else.

    I'm fine... TOTALLY fine!

  8. You know you did it on purpose. You young people are all the same. Can't drive worth crap, think everything belongs to you, always talkin on your new fangled telyphones...what's the world coming to? I tell you, back in my day, people only had tin cans on a string, and we had to crank start our cars and walk to school uphill both ways in the snow.

  9. I love your backyard, too! And why would that guy think that spot was his from 1/4 mile away!

    I will remember that line next time someone is harassing me.

  10. Cute backyard :) Why do you lock the door? I swear I live in the country and I NEVER lock my doors! Doggie door DO come in handy though. The handful of times I have locked myself out, I've sent one of the boys through it to open the door....its rather funny to watch. I make sure to tell them they should NEVER enter anyone elses home that way. Then I sit there thinking that somehow when they grow up they will say thats how there mommy taught them how to get in when the door was locked! Yikes

  11. Funny! I love it! You have a beautiful backyard, ya' done good with it! ;-)

  12. You did good handling that old fart. Maybe he REALLY needed his meds.

    Spring has been good to you up there in windy ChicagoLand. We are starting to warm up down here in Hades....er.....I mean Texas. We've had some nice rains though and everything is still green.

  13. Well I don’t think your backyard is *cute*! I think it’s fabulous! How about hosting a blogger convention at your house? I’ll bring the beer.

    That man deserved to be Bee-slapped good going!

  14. good for you Bee. I usually just stand there with my mouth gaping open. while wearing man shoes

    my backyard is barren :(

  15. thats funny! i was accused of cutting in line by this old dude a couple of weeks ago when i @ kohls buying shoes i shoulda yelled out STRANGER DANGER!! ha ha ha ha! next time!

  16. You're hilarious. As a person living in a retirment community I can surely appreciate your problem. Way to put that old bastard in his place.

  17. oh i know what a door knob is, its a human mother in law right?

  18. "I don't see your hame on it" - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's fucking hysterical!!!!!

  19. The same thing happened to me at the hospital parking lot. Except it was a really old lady screaming at me at the top of her old lady lungs. I thought she was going to hit me with her old lady bead purse, so I moved my car and gave her the space.

    LOVE your patio and garden!


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.