Thursday, May 7, 2009

Just for you, Orion. "The Moth and the Bee (with some guest appearances by crazy hyenas)."

It was an average night in Chicagoland. The heroine of the story had just taken her dogs out for the last time and was standing in her kitchen singing to Bon Jovi's “Bad medicine” (and maybe MAYBE doing some crazy dance but we cannot confirm that information) when she decided to have a bowl of Rice Krispies.

rice_krispies

She remembered back to Monday when she had bought the box of Rice Krispies from Mernards because it was $2, a bargain in this economy to be sure. She hadn’t had this particular cereal since about 1993 because she had outgrown the need for cereal with a little milk and a lot of sugar and was more into things that rhyme with gooze (booze, in case you were wondering). Well, she’d had them in the form of Rice Krispies treats but they cease to be cereal once you’ve added melted butter and marshmallows.

She took a red ladybug bowl from her cabinet and prepared her cereal. She then debated whether she should sit at the table like a normal human being or if she should sit on the sofa like a philistine.

As she was setting up the pillows so she may sit cross-legged on the sofa, might as well be as unladylike as possible, she hoped she would be able to balance the bowlful of cereal and milk and she shooed the dogs that were waiting for the tiniest of spills in order for them to descend like hyenas.

So she sat, watched TV, ate, mocked the dogs, admired her terrarium, when all of a sudden! She noticed 2 moths doing air acrobatics near her terrarium. “OH NO!” she thought, “If Andy sees them he’ll for sure think we’re breeding them in the house just to torture him!” She valiantly stood up and chased after those pesky moths determined to end their existence! She ran around her living room, cereal bowl in hand, and tried to cup them with her free hand. She was able to grab one and she shmooshed it and flung it to the floor where the hyenas waited.

After she did her happy dance, still careful not to spill her precious Rice Krispies, she looked high and low for the other moth but she finally admitted defeat when she couldn’t find it. She took one last look in her terrarium and didn’t see the little pest so then she stood and wondered when she had last watered her cacti (snicker). She scooped a spoonful of cereal and opened her mouth wide— only to have the moth do a kamikaze suicidal revenge mission into her mouth!

As she inhaled to yell for help, all was lost.

mooooth

[killer moth photo from rickastro.com] 

The surprise attack took her by, well um surprise, so she jerked around like a hillbilly with new shoes thereby spilling all contents of the bowl on herself and the awaiting hyenas.

And so ends the sad tale of a Bee, a moth, some hyenas and snap, crackle and pop.

Thanks Orion! For making me relive that horror!!!!

20 comments:

  1. They say you swallow three spiders a year in your sleep. But I'll be damned if I have ever heard of a suicidal moth shuffling off this mortal coil by diving into an open mouth.

    I thought for sure you were going to say the moths were in the Rice Krispies because you only paid $2 for them at Menards. Though bonus points to you if you can explain why Menards sells things like cereal...

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  2. True story. I swallowed a fly once while taking a sip of coffee at work during a presentation. Stupid thing had drowned itself in my cup and I was so busy trying to be impressive I swallowed it.

    Know what I did? Pretended it didn't happen and carried on. Had I been at home, I would have more than likely tried to rip my throat out to keep it from entering my body.

    Just try to think of it as an accidental dose of protein...hopefully that helps a bit Bee. :)

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  3. That's odd. Moths normally fly towards a light source. You didn't swallow a torch before hand, did you? Or does a blinding heavenly light normally shine out of your mouth?

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  4. Aw Bee, no worries, so had had some protein with you cereal. You got yourself 3 of the 4 major food groups for your evening snack, it's all good! The good part of that is, it's an easier protein to digest and doesn't have all the drugs pumped into beef and pork and chicken thereby being better for you :D

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  5. Seems like great preparation if you ever find yourself on Survivor.

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  6. I had something similar happen with a bowl of grapenuts. Well, I didn't eat the moth, but it was floating in my cereal. Gross.

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  7. Very funny! Hopes it's not a rabid moth. ;-)

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  8. I was going to ask if the rice krispies got soggy after the moth hunt, but i guess it doesn't really matter much when you're wearing them, eh?

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  9. TOS:
    Damn moth and its death wish!

    Mernards has organic milk too but when I went there looking for regular coke there was none to be found. I wound up buying locally brewed root beer and cream soda.

    TSM:
    Ewww blech! For some reason flies just give me the willies!

    Brian:
    First off, I don't know how moths think. Second off, I am the light of many people's lives so...

    Skye:
    Still ewww! (:op

    PHFL:
    OMG no! They wouldn't let me bring my curling iron. ;o)

    Heather:
    At least mine was fresh.

    RG:
    Nah! I'd be the one giving it rabies. ;o)

    Orion:
    I hope you're happy. >:o[

    Nooter:
    You dogs are all alike! Mocking me all the time... (:op

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  10. Ugh ugh ugh ugh. But did it improve the taste of the cereal?

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  11. this has happened to you before hasn't it? probably many times

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  12. That picture scared the jeebus out of me. I HATE bugs!

    Just think, in the moth world, they're now gathering the children around and telling a legendary story of a Moth-eating Woman. Be afraid little Moth children.

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  13. think of the poor moth children

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  14. I am terrified of that moth picture. I will have nightmares now.

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  15. I just scraped a moth--possibly a small butterfly--off the front of my car. I must say, though, I'd much rather he meet his demise there than in my digestive system.

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  16. Do they taste like goat?

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  17. I don't know how Andy did it, but I am willing to bet money (fake money) that he planned this whole thing.

    I am ON TO YOU Andy!

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  18. That moth in the picture has a face.
    Did the moth you eat had a face?

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  19. LOL ... that's hystercial.

    Are you more drawn to light now?

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