Monkey See, Monkey Do

I had another stressful day at work today. Which brings me to my question that I hope someone can answer.

Why is it that when you tell your co-workers something like 'I've been so busy I haven't had time to pee' as you're power walking towards the bathroom they take that time to tell you a story that might as well have been the Iliad?

Then they get mad at you when you cut them short using my handy dandy new made up word 'Jabammello! I said I had to pee!' As you hip hop over to the bathroom.

Every single lady I work with--EVERY SINGLE ONE--has issues with cutting their stories short and just telling me the basics!

I don't care if little Paulie's friend knows someone who knows someone whose father once worked at NASA and now they have tickets to the first flight to Mars.

Just say this 'Paulie is going to Mars' and I will respond 'It's about gosh darn time!' then I would be on my way without having to reattach my eyeballs that have floated to the top of my brain because I've been 'holding it' for hours!

Jimminey Crickets people cut your frickin stories short!

One time I asked Milton something the rest of us would consider a simple and innocent question

'Does your husband open the windows when he gets home?'

Her response (true story):

'I never make it a habit of leaving my windows open when no-one is home or when we're sleeping because I always think someone is going to break in. I have one window facing the front room another one in the kitchen and one that is in the bathroom although that one is a little higher but I think that if they stand on the awning they could probably maneuver themselves into the window. The ones upstairs are a little harder to reach but you figure if someone wants to get in, then they can find a way to get in so I try not to leave those open either. One time I forgot to close the one in the kitchen and I found a little piece of something black in a glass of water I left in the sink and I couldn't figure out how that had gotten there...'

She went on but to tell you the truth I zoned out! Now, ask me if she ever answered my original question and I'll tell you that I have no idea nor do I give a flying crap if she did or didn't!

How about this one from the Scarecrow.

Me: 'I heard you went to Wildfire, was it good?'

Scarecrow:

'This actually wasn't my first time at Wildfire I first went there a couple of years ago with Cecilia, John, Goober Doober, Donkey head, the Flintstones and Dino. I remember we ordered everything together but when the bill came everyone decided to split it in equal parts which was fine by me because I ordered so many drinks and got so drunk I mistook a plant for my purse and walked out with it on my head!' okay that last part was added by me but I'm just trying to illustrate that I zoned out again because she never ANSWERED my question.

As I'm typing away at 11:30 pm and husband Andy is asleep on the couch (just so you know it's past my bed time and he's gonna get pissed when I wake him up and tell him what time it is) I realized I am turning into them!

I've been rattling on like a looney tooney!

::sigh::

I will comfort myself by saying this 'yes, but when I do it, it's to get my point across and educate the masses. Well the 3 people that read my blog anyway. Well 2 cuz I guess I can't count myself...'

Babe, please win the Lotto so I don't have to turn into one of my characters!

Who would I be I wonder?