Sunday, November 1, 2009


So... while kids were out looking for treats this Halloween, I was finding my own treats hidden in my pots.


The squirrels are going to be so pissed when they go digging for their winter snacks and oops! All gone!

What? You gonna cry for the squirrels now?

There is no mercy in this DOJO!


I had a doctor's appointment early on Saturday. For those of you keeping score, that's like the 100th appointment this year. She's still trying to iron out my kinks. I think it took Dr. Frankenstein less time to create his monster. Anyway, she was checking this and that when she asked me how I cleaned my ears. The question shouldn't have shocked me I guess but it did. I am very meticulous about my pre-check-up preparations so I thought maybe she wanted to get some tips from me?

Me: Well, I take the Q-tip and put it in my ear... I only use Q-Tip brand Q-tips though because the other ones are too flimsy-

Doc: No! Don't use Q-Tips. All they do is push the wax in deeper. You need to use drops!

Me: What are you saying?? [puts hands over ears]

Doc: Don't worry. I see this all he time. I'll write down the name of the drops for you-

And then she was distracted by a wailing kid who just had its ears pierced so she didn't write the name down for me. No, my doctor doesn't practice out of a Claire's.

I've been alive for almost 37 years and I've just learned I've been cleaning my ears wrong! If anybody knows what kind of drops I'm supposed to be using please let me know. I can barely hear over here!


I dyed my hair today. I went with Black but not because I'm having an identity crisis and am going for the goth look. I just like black hair. Unfortunately, the dye left what looks like a 5 o'clock shadow on both sides of my face giving me the appearance of sideburns. I'm gonna have to own them so that I don't look like an ass when I go in to work tomorrow.


"Thank you! Thank you verrry much!"


I'd like to thank everybody who entered to win Mercury Falls. I was unable to read the book yet therefore have not sent Diesel aka Robert Kroese my interview questions so I'll hopefully announce the winner on Friday at the bottom of my interview. Way at the bottom. This will force you to read the whole interview and not just pop in, see if you won or not and then go have pizza.

Do you remember when you were a little kid and you promised yourself that when you grew up you'd eat candy all the time because you wouldn't have a mean old parent telling you not to?? Well! My tummy is all achey now from all the left over candy. Now I'm sad and wish I could beat up 11 year old stupid me.

The end.


  1. A. Tazz looks beautiful.

    B. WTF is up with the Qtip drill?

    I've heard that a zillion times and yet no one uses drops. Unless it's acid under the tongue and that my friends, is quite a nice drop.

  2. No Q-TIPS? WTF? Sounds like your doctor may be a quack. By the doc's philosophy, you shouldn't use toilet paper either, because it will just push the shit back in.

  3. Poor squirrels. Hope they don't starved to death.

  4. I can't believe you admitted to a Dr that you use Q-tips. Thats the only lie I condone. Dr asks, "Mr Innocent, how do you clean your ears?" I answer, "with that little ear thingy and warm water". Then I run home and use a Q-tip. :)

    Poor squirrel, I swear I saw one using your Q-tips this morning

  5. You can just look in the drugstore, they'll have ear drops. The pharmacist can probably tell you. I have to use qtips cuz my ears get all itchy and I can't stand it!

  6. So, how do YOU clean YOUR ears? That sound like a great conversation starter. Pffft! I've used Qtips all my life and I can hear fi...wait! What was that you said?

  7. That is crazy about the Qtip thing! If you shove the thing down to your eardrum you will push the wax in. You are supposed to gently swab your ears, yet most people stick it in too far. I think your ok though! You really dont have to buy any drops just use tepid water mixed with peroxide and WHALA! Squeaky clean ears :) Hoping the squirrels dont go postal on you when they find out what youve done (teeth chattering)

  8. you can also poke your eye out with mascara

  9. I've done the drops, I've done the warm water, I've done the Q-tips... cheapest, fastest way? The Q-tips win every time.

  10. I use a Qtip every morning, even though I'm positive I don't need them. I just like to think they sop up the water from the shower, you know. Plus they give me eargasms. Whatever.

    I should stop. I know. Long ago, so very long ago, I had to go have an ear flushed out. It was enthralling and disgusting all at the same time.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.