Monday, November 9, 2009

Clarification, Pontification, Stupefaction. I think.

Just to clarify, my birthday isn't until Wednesday November 11th. Oh joy of joys. 37. 3 more and I get a set of spatulas. I'm registered at Tiffany's.

The picture I posted yesterday was of a bee (get it? because I'm Bee?] hanging from a noose. The Asylum was getting to me until I realized I could either work or play. Guess which one I chose. Also, Andy thought it was a potato.

Andy [from his dungeon]: Is that a potato? 

Me: What? Is what a potato?? [as I'm trying to make fajitas for 8 without setting fire to my cabinets. You know, again]

Andy: The picture on your blog, is it a potato?

Me: Nooooo. It's a bee.

Andy: I don't get it.

Me: It's a bee hanging from a noose. Because I was stressed at work?

Andy: Oh, I hadn't seen the noose.

Me: ... [hot oil splashing on my face]

Andy: I still think it looks like a potato.

Because he loves to torture me.


Regarding OZ being an asswipe. Instead of feeling sympathy for the error in my bank account, he interrogated me because I asked for a copy of my cashed paycheck and treated me like a sneaky criminal who was capable of funneling money from his account to my account via my paycheck. Oh wait. That's not criminal at all, right? I mean, if I perform a service for, let's say, a person who hires me, shouldn't I expect payment? It's not like I can cash the same check twice and to make matters more complicated, the second time I cash the check it will be via a photocopy. I know I'm a genius but even I have my limitations.

For some reason he didn't believe the bank teller had deposited my check into the wrong account. He also found it hard to believe that Andy knew our account number by heart and then he suggested I no longer do a manual deposit slip, did I know that the bank could generate some with our account number already on them? I asked him if he treated accident patients the same way. "When a guy on a motorcycle gets hit by a car, do you berate them for not knowing the car was going to hit them?" It wasn't our fault the cashier decided to guess as to what number was on the deposit slip and didn't bother to check the name on the account with the name on the deposit slip.

I said to Andy, 'you know, I grow tired of calling him an *asshole* because it does not express the magnitude of my disgust for him but I am so limited with my swears (because I am a God fearing short woman). Wait! You are the master of profanity, give me a new one for him!" His response was so vile I am putting it at the end of this post.* Who knew I had the delicate sensibilities of a fragile little hummingbird?


Do you guys remember the dude I translated for who had an ankle fracture and his main concern was having "relations" with his woman? He came in last week to drop off some insurance paperwork. I had been talking to him for a few minutes when I realized something.

Me: Hey, who drove you here? [as I pointed at his cast and crutches]

Him: I drove myself. My woman doesn't drive. [hmmmm]

Me: Uh, I don't think you should be driving considering your cast is all the way up to your knee.

Him: Oh, I'm okay. Look, I can put weight on my leg now. [stands on leg with the fracture]

Me to him: Don't do that! [to myself "Oh sure, you don't ask permission to drive but you ask for a green light to have sex with your woman!]


My head hurts from all the shaking of it.





*"You mean like Taint Weasel?" (eep!)







My happy place

my happy place 


  1. Happy Birthday tomorrow, Bee. Hope you have a fantastic day. Oh, and Oz sounds like a jerk. Love your happy place. Is it real or just in your head?

  2. Stupid Oz!

    Your happy place seems sooooo calm and peaceful! Can I go to it?

  3. Got to wish you an advance Happy Birthday! Andy sure was successful in torturing you. :)

  4. I'm going to your happy place. Wait. How cold is it there?

    I wonder why Oz is so paranoid? That's no excuse for treating you that way though.

    Oh. It was a Bee. ;-)

  5. Awesome!!! Taint weasel. Well done, Andy....well done.

    Happy Birthday tomorrow, Bee. And, it took me a little while but I got the bee and the noose thing yesterday :)

  6. I read the def. but am still not sure I totally understand what a taint weasel is

  7. that doesnt look like you, your hairs parted differently

  8. I have to agree with Andy..

    It looks like a potato to me.

  9. Here employers pay your wages straight into your bank account - it's so much easier. These kind of problems with account numbers must happen all the time.

  10. Okay good I did NOT miss your birthday! So now I can say Happy EARLY birthday!

    And "Taint Weasel" is HYSTERICAL! ahahahahahahha

  11. When I had my cast and crutches my doctor said WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T STEP ON THAT FOOT. And I said, "Well of course I wouldn't. You mean people DO that?" And he said "You'd be surprised."


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.