Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Dream Sequence


Bee is sitting at her desk watching one bat after another crap on the copy machine. Their piercing screeches can be heard on the 118th floor of the 7 floor building. (What? It's a dream! It's not supposed to make sense!) The bats are angry because the machine isn't working again but Bee knows it's an operator error and not the fault of the high-tech copier. She moves slowly toward the machine making sure her flippers are ready for any attack.

The scene shifts and she is now back home. She stands in her hallway confused, is she awake or still dreaming?

Suddenly she hears a man's FEROCIOUS voice, some BEEPs and pounding. He seems to be upset "Ooga booga dooga!!" she approaches him quietly hoping not to disturb his ritual of scratching his head and jumping from foot to foot while hitting a black object- TOO LATE! He sees her! So she reasonably asks "WTF is going on here?? Why are you yelling??"

The guy responds: Me can't make copy! Me try long time! Say paper jam so me bang bang on top! Still not work!

Bee: Move over you orangutan!

She fixes the copy machine by clearing paper jam from the very secret compartment not visible unless your eyes are open.

Man makes copy and grunts.

After saving the day AGAIN, she puts on her sombrero and walks off into the sunrise! (*Sunrise* because she now has to take a shower, go to work and face another day of Xerox Machine vs Unqualified Purple People Eaters)(Yes, you do need to be qualified to eat people, just ask the Council of Cannibal Americans)(But you better ask them quickly because they are slowly disappearing- some think due to extinction but I think it's due to BBQ sauce)(Also, the people eaters are purple, not the people)(Have I lost you yet?)(You know what? Just disregard everything I said after "sunrise!")


Regarding the shoes from yesterday.

Sornie was wondering about women's obsession with shoes. He says he only has 4 pair and one pair is to mow the lawn. That made me giggle.

For us, shoes are another accessory we can wear with an outfit. They make statements. Sometimes they give us an extra ego boost when we know we're going to have a tough day at work. For example, say you have an overbearing boss who continually berates all his employees and thinks he is the only person on earth who knows what "reciprocity" means because we are all obviously dumber than a butt nugget. It gives one great satisfaction to see an arrogant oaf do a double take and then make a comment on your shoes.

Other times, a pair of shoes can emphasize ones legs. Mine, for example, are tree trunks in flats but put on a pair of these:


and I'm transformed into a poor man's Heidi Klum. Okay, that may be only in my head but that goes back to the ego boost.

I'm not really sure what the equivalent would be for men. Really. I've been sitting here trying to come up with something and I haven't been able to. The conclusion I'm drawing is that you're flawed. I think it goes back to the Legend of the Peacock.

Also, to David who asked why I had worn other shoes if I had said the green ones were meant for the reunion. I haven't gone to the reunion yet. That's this coming Saturday. The black shoes I mentioned in the post I wore to work. The green ones are still resting majestically in their box.

Well, I think that's all I have to say about shoes. FOR NOW!


  1. FIRST!

    I'm half asleep, so this is probably all a dream. Those heels will kill you someday.

  2. In June, my husband took a 4 day trip to Florida and insisted I pack him 4 pairs of shoes. Did I mention this was only a 4 day trip? I told him I was going to have to pull his man card.

  3. Purple people with BBQ sauce? Hum....

    For women, shoes make us feel good. For men, gadgets and CARS of course!

    May no bat (or dumbass boss) poop upon you today.

  4. I dunno, I'm a girl and I'm allergic to shoes.

    And I feel your pain dealing with ineptitude.

  5. I was inspired to wear these really cool high heels yesterday, but in the evening I was reminded why I had started to wear the granny shoes to begin wit...
    my poor aching feetsies...
    I'm buying a foot massager today!

  6. I dreamed I was a stand up comedian. I don't know what shoes I was wearing but I was funny as hell.

  7. hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

  8. I was lost, but that's okay. It was a fun ride, nonetheless.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.