Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Those Hobos know all the tricks!

I was driving to the store today, freezing my buttuckcus because the heater was taking its sweet time to blow hot air, and I was wearing my brand new mittens-slash-hobo gloves.

cell 1.26.10 073(don't mind my fingers, they've been infected with old age)

I was thinking about how cute they were but also how practical because I didn't have to take them off to work my iPhone or look for my keys (because I look for them by touch) or to scratch my ear because all I had to do was flip the top of them down.

As I was headed towards the store, in search of the perfect birthday card for a wacky friend of mine who will have double the wrinkles next week when he turns THE BIG FOUR-OH, I was also remembering that my pop's birthday was next week too and I was trying to remember how old he was. At that time I had the top of the gloves up like so:

cell 1.26.10 075

and my hands were on the steering wheel. Since I can never remember how old my pop is, I always think of my age, add 20 years to figure out how old my mom is then go up one because her birthday is in May and then add five years because he's older than my mom. It's a complicated formula I know.

So there I was, trying to add 58 + 5, and knowing how impossible it would be to add those numbers in my head, (pathetic, you say? Screw you, I reply. I just cannot do math in my head.) I visualized the 58 in my head and counted off the next 5 digits on my fingers. Only I couldn't see my fingers because they were hidden in my mittens!

They were hidden! In my mittens! (okay, I don't know why but that just cracked me up) (and yes, I am my number ONE FAN!)

cell 1.26.10 074THEY WERE HIDDEN! IN MY MITTENS! HAHAHAHA Still funny.

Anyway, uh I lost my train of thought. Oh right! I looked at my hand and tried to see which finger was 59 and which one was 60 and then I kind of just drifted off and forgot why I was looking at my mitten bending all weird. Then I remembered and tried again but I kept getting stuck at 60! Then the car behind me honked so I had to move on because the light was green and that's when the flashlight went off and I lowered the top part of the mitten and resumed my counting!

Yeah! Another reason those things are awesome! They still let me do simple math!

I guess regular gloves would work for simple math too but they're not useful if you want to stick your hand in the bag of Boston Baked Beans you just bought and put them in your mouth. Well, I guess you can but then your gloves will get soggy.

And that is my *Hobo gloves are awesome* story.


Andy just proofread this post and asked if I had spiked my strawberry lemonade then he told me I meant "light bulb" and not "flashlight" because when an idea pops up they show a light bulb. I guess he's right. ::shrug::

Did I mention I haven't been sleeping well?


  1. When I saw the top picture I didn't know how I was going to have the heart to tell you that your hand needed to go on a diet.

  2. I honestly don't think I've seen the word "buttuckus" spelled out ever. Thank you. And tell Andy, maybe you DO see a flashlight go off in your mind instead of a light bulb. For me, it's more like a book of wet matches when an idea strikes me. STRIKES me. Get it? Ha.

  3. I thought dad was born in 45? Wasn't he? I don't know.... Anyway, Natalia lost one of her gloves and guess whoooose she took?

  4. @Suzy
    Those hands have washed way too many dishes and are so irritated from this freezing Chicago winter.

  5. Cool mittens! Removable parts huh? Way cool :-)

  6. I have always liked HObos

    did you know they have their own written language? true story

  7. Never noticed you wrote flashlight until Andy had to go tell you. NOW i feel retarded!

  8. Now if you can just get a pair of hobo socks you can count to 20.

  9. I love the gloves/mittens/hand covering things. You need socks to match!

    Flashlight. Hee hee.

  10. I was going to suggest that you found some more hands (maybe your local mortuary could help) to increase your mathematical prowess, but then I realised that you could just buy ordinary gloves with fingers and use them instead. Just pretend that you have extra hands inside them. And you could keep them in the glove compartment of your car (the clue's in the name).

    Glenn Gould used to play the piano wearing fingerless gloves, as he was always paranoid of catching cold (even in summer). Though I'm guessing that his didn't have girly stripy patterns on them...

  11. @ Brian
    No comment on the double wrinkles remark? And eeeww on the corpse idea! My car already smells like chicken carc-ass!

  12. Math + Meleah DO NOT MIX. I cant even add 2+2 with a calculator. But, I am IN LOVE with your mittens! Those are seriously AWESOME!!!!

  13. I flippin' LOVE my HOBO mittens too!! I have 3 pairs...yours are very stylish though, mine are plain :( I find they are the only gloves that keeps my hands warm

  14. 40 and double-wrinkled - I can't imagine who you're talking about...

  15. What else do you have HIDDEN IN YOUR MITTENS...HAA HAA. I find that phrase totally funny too.


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