Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dear Polar Bears, I regret to inform you. . .

I can no longer be responsible for saving your species.

http://naturescrusaders.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/playful_baby_polar_bear-1600x1200-bandwidth-thief.jpg

It is with a heavy heart I have made this decision but I need, no, I MUST go back to using my bottled body wash. I know that now my empty bottles will fill the landfills that somehow contribute to your demise but this dry skin of mine is making me miserable. And when I'm miserable, those around me suffer so really it's for the greater good.

I know my pain and discomfort doesn't equal the obstacles you go through on a daily basis just to find one of those nefarious penguins I'm always hearing about so you can have it for din-din but I can't take responsibility for all things on Earth. Maybe I'll concentrate all my efforts on saving the butterflies.

Some people will say it's selfish of me to put my own comfort before that of a whole species but I would have to disagree and call those naysayers pushy-pansy-pants because, who else would be willing to take on the hate mail from people like PETA, Al Gore and Ed Begley Jr? That makes me brave. Brave and beautiful with soft skin. But wait. That doesn't mean you should try to eat me because, even though I may look appetizing, all the chemicals I use make me taste like a burnt out tire.

Since I couldn't bear (get it? BEAR? I crack myself up!) to look you in the eye, or knee caps since I'm so short, I am leaving this letter outside of your tank/cage at Lincoln Park Zoo. Although, now that I think about it, I haven't seen you in months! I'm hoping your extinction didn't come before my letter because that would mean I spent all this time typing out an apology when I could have been doing something more productive like watching my recorded Dick Van Dyke shows or maybe working.

Anyway, good luck to you! I hope you find somebody more worthy to take on your cause! But don't trust anybody with a shotgun and a fork. That's always been my motto.

http://paxarcana.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/baby_polar_bear.jpg

Sincerely,

Bee

23 comments:

  1. Cute letter. There are products that are not tested on animals. We don't want dry skin cause that could be un-bear-able! haha bear get it!

    okay leaving now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I must be missing something. Do they make body wash out of polar bears?

    I'm sticking with soap in any case...

    ReplyDelete
  3. ***But don't trust anybody with a shotgun and a fork.***

    You stole my motto.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i love your motto. i am sure the polar bears are sad today. smiles.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'll take on the cause for you. I won't use bottled body wash :-)



    Not that I ever have anyway, but now I'll do it in your name. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. look how cute that little thing is




    and now you're going to help kill it?

    I told ya get lever 2000 with vaseline--it's not drying I swear

    ReplyDelete
  7. *My first ever comment on any blog*

    Your original post about switching to bar soap got me thinking and so I did it and so did my whole house of people. I have found *the* soap that does not make me feel like a chewed up piece of leather. Its by Nivea and the flavor I chose is "Happy Time" as its the also the name of the body wash I used to use and was pleased to find it in a bar soap also. It does not make my skin dry out, I'm happy to have switched and will continue on...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm appalled, Bee. I'm sending Al to your house to check your soap. In your shower. Nakid as an Al-bird.

    ReplyDelete
  9. WVW:
    I don't think the test anything on polar bears. Maybe just Klondike bars.

    Brian:
    Nope. You're not missing anything. Maybe I am.

    Suzy:
    Makes sense. You and I seem to have the same strain of insanity. ;o)

    Brian M:
    They are sad. Maybe I should have thrown them a small dog as an apology snack?

    AD:
    Phew! I'm relieved I don't have to BEAR the burden alone! ;o)

    jean knee:
    Okay okay I'll try your soap! Well, not your soap. I'll buy my own.

    Anon:
    I'll try that soap as well. Thanks for commenting! :o)

    RG:
    I just threw up a little bit!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Why can't you save the polar bears? That's just lazy. As to the damn penguins, fuck 'em.

    "don't trust anybody with a shotgun and a fork" are words to live by. I shall repeat them daily, as I often work with cannibals.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, that Suzy beat me to quoting that one!

    (storms off muttering darkly)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bee:
    The polar bears told me to mention that you can recycle those bottles. Just sayin'.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Humans have figured out how to survive,

    If polar bears can't figure it out to they can suck it.

    And after they suck it we, as the superior species, can stuff them and put them in our front hall a la The Addams Family.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think I've seen recipes for making your own shampoo, so maybe there is some recipe for making your own body wash and you can just keep reusing your old bottles.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I need my own landfill for all my bottled soap, bottle water, and disposable diapers. I shoot animals for food too. I don't think the polar bears mind.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You go forth and be supple. Ed needs to go forth and visit a tanning bed. It had to be said.

    ReplyDelete
  17. And I'm not going to stop drinking bottled water. I'm not supposed to add the bottles to the trash pile but the same protest groups tell me about all the toxins in regular water. (I drink filtered Dasani, not bogus spring water.)So I guess my point is, we're all gonna die. Grab the shotgun and pass the fork.

    ReplyDelete
  18. don't worry about the penguins. penguins live at the south pole. polar bears live at the north pole.

    so at least the penguins are safe. from being eaten by a polar bear at least. *wink*

    ReplyDelete
  19. Inside the late 1880s, Herman Hollerith created the recording of data on a machine readable medium. Prior makes use of of machine readable media, above, acquired been for control, not data. "After some preliminary trials with paper tape, he settled on punched cards !.."[10] To process these punched playing cards he invented the tabulator, and also the keypunch machines. These three innovations were the foundation of the contemporary data processing business. Large-scale automated info processing of punched playing cards was performed for the 1890 United States Census by Hollerith's company, which after grew to become the core of IBM. By the end from the nineteenth century a number of technologies that might later on show helpful in the realization of practical computer systems had begun to appear: the punched card, Boolean algebra, the vacuum tube (thermionic valve) and also the teleprinter.

    http://ashleyabbott1285.easyjournal.com/entry.aspx?eid=4361485
    http://quizilla.teennick.com/stories/16043823/whats-reseller-web-hosting
    http://colbyhhodges.hpage.com/things_to_learn_about_web_hosting_6495_44822006.html
    http://ashleyabbott1285.tripod.com/joomlatemplate49/index.blog/1973714/what-is-joomla/
    http://resellerhosting02.blogspot.com/2010/01/quick-explaination-of-reseller-hosting.html

    ReplyDelete
  20. Setting up an analog personal computer needed scale elements to be chosen, along with preliminary conditions—that is, starting values. Another vital was creating the necessary network of interconnections between computing elements. Sometimes it was essential to re-think the structure of the difficulty so that the personal computer would function satisfactorily. No variables could possibly be allowed to exceed the computer's limits, and differentiation was to be avoided, usually by rearranging the "network" of interconnects, utilizing integrators in a distinct sense.
    Operating an electronic analog personal computer, assuming a satisfactory setup, started with the computer held with some variables fixed at their initial values. Moving a switch released the holds and permitted the difficulty to run. In some instances, the personal computer could, after a specific operating time interval, repeatedly return to the initial-conditions state to reset the issue, and run it again.

    http://devondmcclain.tripod.com/whentochangehosting66/index.blog/1977224/a-few-tips-to-avoid-a-bad-hosting-company-choosing-to-make-a-move/
    http://www.webspawner.com/users/eliseojbradford/4factorsinchoos.html
    http://joomlahosting90.onsugar.com/What-Look-Joomla-Hosting-9070197
    http://www.zimbio.com/webhosting5/articles/G_TVBiKKKlH/Things+Find+out+Internet+hosting
    http://howtospeedcomputer09.ning.com/profiles/blogs/getting-the-most-out-of-your

    ReplyDelete
  21. ogiimzk [url=http://popengleco.com/beesmusings.blogspot.com/]beesmusings.blogspot.com[/url] gerudcn

    ReplyDelete

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.