Thursday, January 7, 2010

Married Latina Female.

It is my belief that  life helps us prepare for things we weren't expecting in our paths by giving us small examples of how to deal with any future disappointments, sadness, heartache, homicidal tendencies, etc. I think back to the time I didn't have car insurance and backed into a Cadillac and had to pay the mean bitch out of my own pocket for her "repairs" even though there was nothing wrong with her car. That incident helped me realize any extra money in my wallet attracts evil which is why I try to spend as much of it as I can! Oh, I also learned I needed car insurance.

The reason I'm talking about this semi-enlightenment crap is because life never prepared me for Milton wanting to be my twin. Yep. You heard me right!

She is dressing like me, buying shoes like mine (WITH HEALS EVEN!), wearing gaudy jewelry, cutting her hair short like mine... Oh my lord! I just realized there was a movie just like this a few years ago! It was called Single White Female. Only I'm not single and she's not either. And also she is of the Caucasian persuasion and I'm so obviously of the Latin persuasion. Anyway, it's creeping me out! Now I have to hear about how she goes shopping at my favorite shoe store and to make matters worse, she was wearing a cute pair of red Mary Janes that would have looked awesome on my tootsies!

  (not actual shoe she wore because I would have wrestled them off her feet!)

Her next *Bee* thing? Perfume! She was commenting on how she loves how I leave the office smelling so good. Over Christmas she bought 3 different scents so I could tell her which one was better on her. She asked me what the name of mine was and I lied. I told her it was Exclamat!onEXCLAMATION perfume which I used to wear when I was like 15 or 16 so I'm hoping she gets the hint.

When she cut her hair, she asked me if she could get away with dying it a dark color, not black but maybe a dark brown. I told her her skin was too fair and her response was "well so is yours but the color looks good on you" and I had to let her down easy by saying that there is a difference between being fair and blushy (me) and fair and cotton-ball-y (her). Thankfully she went with strawberry blonde.

I hope she doesn't try to swap my Andy for her beer-gutted old dude because I will have to introduce her to my little friend:

It's not very humane but I think it'll get my point across!


  1. Some good will come of this - I'm looking forward to reading her blog. "sgnisum seeb", presumably...

  2. oh my god, I remember exclamation and it wreaks. lol

  3. bwwahhaha bwahahahaha

    yer killin me here Bee.

    although I bet her blog would be amusing to read, at least once.

  4. Girl crush!

    So sorry, Bee, so very sorry.

    Strawberry blond is a long way from dark brown. Yikes!

  5. She's going to be itching for shopping dates before you know it!

  6. Scary stuff. Better start booby trapping your place.

  7. Doesn't she realize that there is only one Bee. Anything else is just a pale copy! Bwahahaha at cotten-ball-y fair.

  8. It is remarkable, very amusing piece

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  9. Imitation is supposed to be flattery, but in this case, it really is scary. I'd start doing weird crap, like spiking my hair, or wearing mismatched clothing. Just to see what she does.

  10. Aunt Juicebox, I like the way you think.

    Bee, that is totally creepy. I sure hope she has a short attention-span.

  11. OMG, I used to wear Exclamation too, back in the day... waaaay back in the day.

  12. I would have talked her into some high quality Loves Baby Soft. But then I guess you would have been forced to smell it all day.

    Scrap that idea.


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