Behind every great woman stands her mommy.

So I watched 4 movies on Sunday. I know some of you are thinking that I'm a couch potato but jokes on you because I watched those 4 movies while organizing my closet. Again. INow you're thinking that I do a lot of closet organizing and how messy can I be (you have no idea!) but the truth is, I was making room for all my new clothes practicing for when I have to start my new part-time job where I will constantly be picking up after all those inconsiderate bitches who don't pick up after themselves!!

Okay, that wasn't real anger. I was just practicing.

That is my segue (an NCS classic segue if I ever saw one- only without the swearing) into telling you guys I got the job at Anonymous Clothing Store (ACS for short) Woohoo! Confetti!

Yep. Now I may share the circumstances without fearing I was jinxing myself.

It all started back in November when I went to apply and never got a call back. I was despondently eating my quesadilla one December evening and I mentioned this to my mom. She agreed it was sad and maybe a little pathetic but I wasn't a loser! And I said "I never said I was a loser!" and she said "good because you're not!"

The next day, my mommy marched into ACS and asked the person in charge why in the hell they hadn't called her daughter for an interview. The woman, cowering I'm sure, gave her a new application for me to fill out and told her she would call me for sure once I reapplied. So I refilled in all the baloney and she called me for an interview. I again got my hopes up only to have them dashed when time went by without a phone call.

I took stock of my life and wondered what I could have possibly done to kill my chances. I replayed the interview in my head. Let's see. I was confident. I looked cute in my outfit. Pretended I would be great with customers. Snapped my bra strap when I told her I had bought my undergarments there. Pointed at my boobs... hmmmm? Maybe she thought I was hitting on her? Oopsie!

Oh well, to save face I concluded that I had intimidated her and maybe she thought I would take over her job one day because let's face it, I'm just that delusional good! 

I had another sad conversation with my mom and she repeated how cool and awesome I was and she gave me some hot chocolate which made me feel better.

You guys won't believe this but, later in the day, I received a call from my mom. Guess where she was!!

Mom: I'm here at ACS and <kaweek> I asked why  <kaweeek> <kaweeeeeek> on the schedule!

Me: Mom! Mom! Mooooom! You're breaking up!

Mom: <kaweeek> call <kaweeek><kaweeek><kaweeek>

I hung up because I couldn't understand what she was trying to say.

A few minutes later, my phone rings again.

Mom: I SAID THEY DID CALL YOU AND YOU'RE ALREADY ON THEIR SCHEDULE! Why didn't you tell me they called you?

Huh?

Me: Nobody called me, ma! I take the phone everywhere!

Mom: Well, you're on the schedule for the 16th. the girl showed me your name and everything.

Weird. Maybe they're not as organized as they would lead you to believe?

Me: Well, they didn't call so I'll just have to wait.

To quote my brother Rick "I'm not gonna go sweatin them" which I think means I won't make a nuisance of myself by, let's say, stopping by the store everyday for  impromptu daily shopping sprees.

The days passed. (Please picture pages of a calendar being flung at you)

Saturday! Sunday! Monday! Tuesday!

Finally, on Wednesday!, I received the call. Yours truly is on her way to richness one peanut at a time!

Also, my mommy is badass and is now my agent!

P.S.

Tomorrow I will be posting something I wrote under the influence of no sleep. Who needs booze/drugs?