Scene:
Dark bedroom, approximately midnight, man, woman and dogs snoring. When suddenly! Man is jolted awake by ""noise"" coming ""inside"" the house!
Andy [shakes Bee awake]: Bee! Did you hear that?
Bee [is jolted from a deep sleep]: Whaa?? Who? Cheese?
Andy: Did you hear that? There was a loud bang!
Bee [punches pillow]: No. And if the dogs aren't barking then you were probably dreaming.
Andy: I'm gonna go check it out. You stay here.
Bee: ::sigh:: [gets up]
Andy: Where are you going?
Bee: You know that, of the two of us, I'm the one who can really kick ass.
Andy: I'm tempted to let you go out there and get your butt kicked just to bring you down a notch.
Bee: Hey, if you want to unleash me solo, I won't disappoint. [gets in karate kid bird position, 
almost topples] The intruders will get a roundhouse kick to their—
Andy: Ankles? Shush and go back to bed.
Bee: Hell no. [notices Mocha] Mocha! Go back to bed! It's like Scooby and the gang meet the mummy over here.
Andy carefully peeks around the corner, leans his head out of the hallway and slowly makes his way towards the kitchen. I cough. Loudly.
Andy: BEE! What the hell! You want to give away our position?
Bee: "give away our position"? This isn't 'Nam. Besides, why aren't you yelling at Mocha?? Her tags have been jingling the whole time!
Andy: You know what? I'm kicking you both off of my island.
Bee: Oh my goodness! Listen!
Andy: What? WHAT??
Bee: Silence. It's just me and the chickens. [points at him and the cowering Mocha]
Andy: Okay. So maybe I was dreaming.
Bee: Ya'think?
Andy: It felt real. . . [goes back to bed]
Bee: Does this feel real. [smacks Andy on the butt-ocks]
Andy: Ouch! Now I'll never be able to go back to slee— ::SNORE::
2 hours later, Andy is snoring, Mocha is wheezing, Tazz (who never woke up for the midnight adventure) is snorting. Bee? Bee is still wide awake, tossing and turning. PUNCHING HER PILLOW!
Stay tuned for the illustrated version on Sunday.
That totally sucks. I'd be plotting all sorts of evil revenge....
ReplyDeleteI've been there and done that, in that I'm like Andy hearing things and then keeping my wife awake too. It sure is fun. :)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for the illustrated version.
I respect Andy's awesome intent to want to protect his house and home and all he loves within it, but seriously, and I say this as one who has a husband who can do the very same instant sleep thing, don't you want to commit a crime of a different sort as you're laying there awake and stewing?! I guess what I'm saying is, I'm glad you didn't do anything drastic, Bee!
ReplyDeleteSo, which of the Scooby characters are you?
ReplyDeleteI always wanted to be in scooby doo type adventure--you so lucky
ReplyDeleteOh, no. I'm sending coffee for you today!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when I can't go back to sleep! I feel ya'
ReplyDeleteOnce I am awake that is it. I head for the computer looking up ways to kill a person and the easiest way to dispose of the body. After that I tend to get a little grouchy.
ReplyDelete