Sunday, October 25, 2009

Fatty Fatty Bo Batty- Goodbye My Chubbos!

Okay so I have some news.

In the next few months I will be on a quest to lose the flab that sits  next to me on trains, planes, cars, bars, chairs, bears uh everywhere?

Yes, I know I've said it a few hundred times before but this time it's serious because there's MONEY involved!

My brothers Sergio and Dan along with my sister Nancy, Andy and I are participating in a friendly wager to see who can lose the biggest amount of human grease (would you like some bacon with your breakfast?) in 6 months.

The winner (ME) will walk away with 400 American dollars. That's almost enough to buy a small country!

I know you're used to me being meaty and jolly and now you're selfishly thinking I'll change and I'll become bitter (when I tried to type *bitter* it came out as - bUtter-which makes sense because I'd love me a stick of butter covered  in sugar right about now! ... kidding... maybe) and humorless because I will always be hungry but you really have to stop thinking of yourselves! Besides, I don't think my sense of humor will disappear with my body fat. It might even help with honing it because it may help my delusions become clearer. Maybe Ill be more focused. Isn't that how Ghandi was able to achieve inner peace?

My goal is to lose 30 pounds in 6 months (hopefully not all in my boobs) and with my winnings buy a new wardrobe. I know you think 400 smackers may not get me far but, since I'll be a starving waif consisting of just decaying bones, all the clothes I'm going to buy will be from my former slutty clothes supplier, Rave. Their motto is "If people can't see the color of your underwear, you didn't buy your clothes here." ::sigh:: Rave, how I miss you!

Anyway, this is one contest where I can't cheat. Well maybe I can. You see, Andy and I may have gone a little overboard in the over stuffing ourselves before the official weigh in at 11ish AM on Sunday morning. We will have breakfast, drink a lot of liquids and not go to the bathroom until after we are weighed.

Andy, the string bean, is taking this very seriously (he downloaded and Ap for his iPhone that tells him exactly how many calories are going into my mouth)(that's what she said!)(are we done doing that?) so he decided to bake a cake as a goodbye to all pastries.

cell 10.20.09 022 (my contribution were the nuts)

So yeah, in 6 months I may be so skinny, they'll think I gave birth... to myself only a thinner version. Does that make any sense or am I just sleepy?


I went to my hairdresser, Freddy- El Monta Hombres (that's what he calls himself)(that means he mounts men), today and he asked "how do you want it" and I stopped and thought about it in horror for a minute but then I realized he meant my hair so I said "Do whatever you want" and that obviously means "please remove all of my hair from my head" because I am now sporting  what he called a "a hair cut all yuppie women are getting and you look white so it'll fit your face" the jury is still out and I just realized I now have no protection for my neck when winter hits. That makes me a little sad but mostly cold.

cell 10.25.09 077 (It's all gone! ::whimper::)(That's my chin, not my nose. Andy was like "wow, you're nose looks huge in this picture!" and after he regained consciousness, I let him know I'd clear it up for everybody so that they wouldn't make the same mistake)(also, we were at the food court in a mall after we decided to have a romantic day of getting haircuts for Andy, Tazz and myself then taking my car for emissions testing and stopping for a walk down memory lane at a mall we used to walk through everyday after work.)(eat your heart out Michael Buble!)


Maybe I'll just have to rock this look:

cell 10.25.09 078

Nah. It looks like my head is hibernating. 


Now I go sleepy.


  1. You got your hair cut BEFORE the weigh-in?


  2. Do you need to lose *30* pounds? That's a lot!

  3. Brian:
    That's what Andy said but I told him I'll put some coins in my shoes to compensate.

    Yep. I need to lose 30 pounds to be at what my BMI should be according to my height. Unfortunately for me, I inherited a generous amount of hips and bodonkadonk (sp?) from my mom's side of the family. My dad's side is slender but all I inherited from him was his good looks and the insane gene.

    I should be okay health wise because we're trying to change our eating and excersise habits in order to be succesful long term and not just through those random diet fads.

  4. Your hair looks great!

    As for the weight thing, I hear ya' girl. We had a "biggest loser contest" last year at work where the winner took home cash... I only lost 3 pounds :-(
    Let's just say I didn't win. But I'm inspired to join you in solidarity! :-) but I can't make any promises :0)

    Good luck!

  5. that's right Bee. Do it now, before cadbury mini eggs come out

    I love your hair--mine wont get that straight or shiny :(

  6. Nice hair.

    Good luck on the weight loss. You might want to slip Andy a few extra calories here and there to make sure he doesn't lose more weight than you.


  7. My regular hairdresser was not in so I went with someone who I thought was too old-fashioned. I asked for 3 inches off which means 5 apparently. I'm afraid to take a shower.

  8. a fun day out at the emissions testing station.
    now thats livin!

  9. Love the hair! I just got mine cut a few weeks ago, and it was really scary, because it was down to my waist, and is just above my bra strap now. But I'm loving how easy it is to take care of.

    Good luck with the weight loss and I hope you win!

  10. Good luck on your quest to losing 30 pounds in 6 months. I think it is achievable. And reading your reply to Theresa, changing your eating habits and with exercises, I am pretty sure you'll not only achieve your goal but also enjoy the long term benefits that come with it. :)

  11. Your hair look great and nice highlights. Good Luck with the weight loss, you can do it! I lived on the fat of my body for 3 months, yah it was good. :)

  12. Damn BEEutiful... you got butchered! Erm... I mean... you look nice. No. Really. You do...

    As for the diet, I suggest that you just simply eat what you cook and nothing else. The pounds will melt away just from the kitchen fires alone. :ewink:

  13. Do the Atkins, baby. I lost 50lbs in 6 months doing the no carb thing.


Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.