Costco has become one of my favorite places to visit on weekends. I know, pathetic. I find myself coming home with enough food, drink and napkins to last us a couple of months. The napkins last longer because who uses napkins?
This weekend, we went for our weekly romantic Costco trip and stumbled across some exciting buys. Above mentioned 15 pounds of pork shoulder mmmmm bring me a fork! A pumpkin pie bigger than a Mac truck's spare tire and 4 pounds of mixed nuts in their shells for only $7.49! It would be a crime not to purchase them.
Andy did have some reservations on all the nutage because he wasn't sure we had a nut cracker (other than yours truly, I mean) so he didn't think it wise for us to buy them, get them home and then have no other recourse but to use them as a fancy decoration because we'd be unable to get to the yummy center.
I call this "Nuts in a vase, what your mom should have told you about women."
I sadly shook my head and told him this was one of those examples on why growing up in a privileged household may work against him and not allow him to cope with life in the lower class.
Me: Do you think our ancestors had such luxuries as "nut crackers"? No! They used stones to bust their nuts!
Andy [fierce whisper]: Shhhhhhh! Keep your voice down! I am not going to use a rock to eat nuts. I'm no savage!
Me: I will not be silenced! Wanting to survive the winter is not being a savage! Olden days people were proud and honorable! Sure, they pillaged and plundered but then I've seen you eat all the chocolate cupcakes without sharing so who are you to throw stones??
Andy: Just take the nuts. TAKE THE NUTS!!
[a little girl cries out for her mom in fear]
Me: Good going, Andy! You made a little girl cry! Andy?
[Andy has put as much distance between me and my bag of nuts as is possible in a warehouse of oversized items]
Me [to myself]: He doesn't have to worry his pretty little head. I'll show him how to eat these nuts.
Then I walked away because people were staring.
At home, I introduced him to Greta:
Tada!
I call this "Crushed nuts, what your dad should have told you about women."
Greta is usually used on those rare occasions when I cook and need to set my stirring spoon down on something other than Andy's head. I think she did a fantastic job, don't you?
P.S.
I also bought some sweatpants (Ralph Lauren @ Costco?) (don't judge me, I live in a cold climate!) and I need to ask if America is turning into a land of giants. My mom normally hems my pants (because I'm 12)(and cheap) so I tried them on so she could see how much she needed to cut and hem. The length she needed to cut? The length of my leg! How is that even possible?
Bust a Nut...heh hee heehh heehh! (apparently I am twelve too)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the spoon rest found another use. The poor thing was probably bored to tears. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed by your survival instincts.
ReplyDeletewe'd be dead in my house but there would be that lovely jar of asst nuts.
I actually have a nutcracker shaped like a squirrel, sitting on my microwave. His name is Davy Crackitt, but my daughter always called him Davy Cracknut. It was the last gift my MIL gave us before she died, so there it is. But we've never used it because when I go to Sam's I buy the big container of already shelled nuts. I'm nothing if not lazy.
ReplyDeletethis story about nuts makes me feel sad and a little jealous.
ReplyDeleteYou're still not being true to your roots. Your illustrious cave dwelling ancesters didn't get their nuts from Costco - they went into the woods and beat the shit out of trees, and were $7.49 better off as a result.
ReplyDeleteThat Costco pumpkin pie is THE best pumpkin pie in the world. I can eat one in 2 days so I only allow myself one a season.
ReplyDeleteAndy is so lucky to have you.
Oh my gosh, don't get me started on the whole hemming thing! I just fold the bottom of my pants up, so I'm out a style half the time, but at least I'm not dragging my pants anymore. Stubby legs... thanks dad!
ReplyDelete