While Andy and I were watching TV after a long workday at both my jobs.
Me: [nonchalant-like] When I was driving home tonight, I thought I heard a velociraptor chasing me.
Andy: [whips his head to stare at me and I have his full attention which is unusual because he never bothers to glance my way when I'm speaking and that is how he always claims I never told him something because if he doesn't make eye contact, it didn't happen] Huh?
Me: [twitching a little] I was driving and I kept hearing this noise [I stood up and kinda made a squeak/cluck/ftftftft noise] so I turned down the radio thinking it might be that but I still heard the noise so I thought 'that sounds like a fucking velociraptor!' so then I drove a little faster, you know, just in case I needed to out run it and then I thought 'there is no hope for you if it is a velociraptor, dumbshit!'.
Andy: [eyes wide open, staring intently at my head] . . . So, was it?
Me: [eye roll] If it were a velociraptor, I wouldn't be here telling you this story right now! Half of me would be in a velocirpator's stomach and the other half hanging from a tree in the forest preserve! Duuuuh!
Andy: Right, because I'm the crazy one! You know what's amazing?
Me: [thinking he's gonna give me some insight into the velociraptor mind] What?
Andy: You can be 100% sober and still sound drunk!
Looking back, I guess it was a little nuts for me to think there was a velociraptor chasing me down Main Street. Especially because it would have preferred to be in a more populated area so it could have a bigger snack selection but a girl can never be too safe when driving home at 10 at night.
Also, no, I wasn't drinking but I was very tired so that may account for my delusions. And! If you're wondering why I had to stand up to do my velociraptor impersonation it's because I also flapped my arms to add to the sound effect.