Saturday, May 1, 2010

How does a girl spend a Friday night when her husband is at his parent's house fiddling with that new fangled invention called *electricity*?

Well, to start with, I had to work at ACS until about 8:30. Once I left work, I headed to my friendly neighborhood Walgreen's, of which my neighborhood boasts of 4 within a 5 mile radius just in case somebody needs hemorrhoid ointment STAT!, to pick up some uh, personal items.

First I made my way to the refrigerated section to pick up a slice of carrot cake for my Andy because he loves them and my life's all about Andy. I then headed to the uh, personal aisle to pick up those personal items I mentioned that are secret and personal. As I stepped into the aisle, I saw a man waaaaaay at the end looking pensive. When I got closer, he tensed and crabbed walked out. You know what I mean by 'crabbed walked' right? I mean he didn't turn around one way or another and just kind side step-side-step-side stepped out of the aisle. I was like WTF dude? and that's when I noticed he was standing in front of the condom-slash-personal lubricant section.

I immediately felt bad because, here I was with my buy one jumbo pack of panty liners, get one free jumbo pack of panty liners coupon that was going to expire that same day and he thought I would judge him. Awww! Before I could pick up my jumbo pack of panty liners, so much for the "personal secret items", my sister called with a hot tip on a super effective deodorant so I walked out of the aisle and went on a search of that mythical deodorant. After I scoured the deodorant aisle and came up empty, TYPICAL, I made my way back to the personal aisle. This time, from the other end. The end that had the personal lubricant-slash-condom section and standing before me was the same dude that scurried out earlier. He tensed again and I walked past him quickly trying to convey that he could continue on with his research and I wasn't going to judge him and I even picked up my jumbo pack of panty liners and my free jumbo pack of panty liners and raised them up in the air as if to say "look! we can both coexists in this aisle buying things that embarrasses us--" but before I could finish my silent communication, he sighed in frustration and left.

When I told Andy the story, his response was typically male:

"Good goin', Bee! You just cock blocked the poor guy!"

And so that's what a girl does on a Friday night when her husband isn't home. She cock blocks random strangers.

Oh, she also bought a Bumpit and tried to make it work on her head and then decided her head was abnormally shaped so she gave up and had some chocolate instead.

Who needs to have perfectly bumped up hair anyway??


  1. And here I thought only a cock could block another... Who knew.

  2. Cosmetic and medical items are often used for more practical purposes, e.g. hair spray is used by artists as fixitive on pastels, and many things can be used to make bombs. The domestic products are usually cheaper than the hardware store versions.

    They poor guy might have been buying some lubricant to help with his parent's electrics. And wishing he'd spent the extra 5 dollars getting the proper supplies at the DIY shop.

    In any case, he probably spent so long buying his products that he was too tired to use them.

  3. I thought maybe the guy had to items for his female companion. I think most guys would rather be hung up by than do that.

    Poor Andy.


    Poor Bee.

  4. There once was a guy in front of me at Costco buying condoms in bulk... he was wearing a wide brimmed hat, large dark sun glasses, and an over sized trench coat... in the middle of the summer!

    That didn't stop the cashiers from giggling though! LOL! Oh yeah... and he was old too... ha!

  5. LOL...oh my I needed the giggle today Thank you!

  6. I don't know about those bumpits Bee. A mom in Lean's class wears those and I always stare way too much

  7. inadvertently cock blocking strangers is HILARIOUS!

  8. Oh, Walgreens. How I love it, with it's limited stock for sale items and it's Bumpits...which I own. Oh, yes, yes I do. Do I wear them much? No, because they fit weird and I think you can see them up in there, but, yeah...I own some.

  9. Ahhh, Bee, how I've missed you! And Brian and his witty British comments.
    I've missed you all and it seems that I'll be sick of you soon since I have A LOT of posts to catch up on! I thought that the blogosphere would pause when I took my bloggy break?
    Anywhoo, I've started a new blog and I'm here to shamelessy beg and plead for you to come and visit!!!
    P.S. This is Tracy by the way, just in case you forgot me...

  10. why do people get so embarrassed when buying condoms/lube, at least you're gettin' it on AND it's much better then being at the pharmacy counter to pick up the herpes medication, now that's embarrassing!!

    For myself - I buy all that kinda stuff at the same time - that way it just gets it all over with at once

  11. Haven't been by in a while and I have missed your sense of humor. I am glad I can come back and know you will still be covering the funny stuff like personal lubricant.


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