Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Milton is full of *heavy* air?


I had a little trouble sleeping the other night and I was telling Milton about it because I tend to forget how a normal conversation can go dramatically wrong when talking to Milton.

Me: I woke up at about 3 a.m. and felt like I had a bubble of air trying to work its way out of my throat and I felt like was asphyxiating. I got up and the air came hissing out of my mouth like a punctured tire and it went on for what felt like 3 minutes. It was so weird!

Milton: I wonder if air makes you gain weight.

Me: Uh, what? Like if you inhale too much of it, you get fat? Is that what you mean?

Milton: No, no I know we can't fat from air [right because I'm the one that's being ridiculous!] I just mean that if I'm gassy and go weigh myself, will I weigh more than when I'm not gassy?

Me: . . .

Milton: Next time that happens to you, go weigh yourself before you burp and then weigh yourself after you burp just as a mini experiment.

Me: I thought I was going to die! I don't think I would have had the presence of mind to put on a robe, knock around in the dark as I walk to the bathroom and then weigh myself!

Milton: Just out of curiosity, what did you eat? Did you drink a lot of Pepsi? I think I'm going to try get gassy tonight and then weigh myself. I'll tell you tomorrow what happened.

Me: Please don't.


  1. I think Milton might be on to something! Please let him tell you [so you can share with us] the results of his pre/post-burp weighing experiment!

  2. Heee-heee-heeeee!

    The Search

  3. I think Milton has too much air in his head.

  4. Now I'm curious about what happens..

  5. Milton has a point Bee.
    How else are we supposed to find out the truths of the universe??

  6. Some gasses, like carbon dioxide, are lighter than air, so perhaps drinking enough pepsi will make you lose weight. You mustn't let it escape (either way) though, and retaining gas will probably lead to internal organs getting ruptured....

  7. Oh, dear. Just think of the air wasted with Milton's words.

  8. I left a comment earlier but blogger ate it

  9. Jean Knee: Did your comment contain any gas?

  10. I was wrong. CO2 isn't lighter than air. It's lighter than water, which is why the bubbles rise to the top in fizzy drinks.

    Milton needs lots of helium to become weightless. If she floats into the office one day with a squeaky voice you'll know why.

  11. And this woman finds her way to work every morning? Impressive.

  12. You mustn't let it escape (either way) though, and retaining gas will probably lead to internal organs getting ruptured.... anyway love your post.


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