MY chest hurts! I think I’m having a lopsided heart attack!

That’s when your heart hurts but the pain is not on your left side.

Get ready for another rant. Ready? Are you sure? This might not be up long. I might take it down since I don’t know how long this pissed-off-edness will last. Might last one day, it might take us into the next century!

I have 3 brothers and one sister. Ages 32, 31, (wait, my sister is 8 years younger than me I’m 35. 35-8 =?) 27 and 25. I have no serious issues with those above the age of 26 but the one below that age??? I want to slap him so hard his silly cheeks will touch his toes!!!

I don’t understand!

We were all raised by the same mother so how can he be so different from the rest of us??

He was the first to cry out for independence, moved to New York and bummed around but finally came back after a year, skinner than death and even more lacking in family social skills.

He doesn’t want anybody’s advice because EVERYBODY IS WRONG but he will ask for money or favors when he needs them. He judges us for taking our jobs seriously “It’s just a job man!” Uh yeah, one that helps when you ask me to borrow money for the bus man!

Enablers, that’s what we are.

About 2 weeks ago I asked him to stop using the text option on his phone because we got a $70 bill for usages on his line alone. We are only supposed to be dishing out $9.99 and now he cost us 7 times that??

He apologized said he would stop but guess the fuck what? I checked on his phone and he is now up to $143!!

Seriously???

How was my message misinterpreted? Please, someone explain to me how me saying “Stop it!” turned into “Dude, you know what? I’d like you to text every one of your fuckin little loser friends just to say things like ‘wzup guy wtcha doin’?’ because I feel like this will help strengthen the muscles in my heart so that when I finally have THE BIG ONE I will be able to drive myself to the hospital without the need of an ambulance!”

Thanks LITTLE brother! I KNEW I could count on you!

What?

You think I should keep personal family bizness out of my blog?

Tough shit there Sparky because now you pissed me off! Before, when it was $75 -almost two full tanks of gas-, I could control my heart beats by breathing slowly but now THAT IT IS ALMOST DOUBLE??
Well, breathing slowly won’t cut it because I might just lose too much oxygen and the 6 brain cells I have left might start knocking into each other. Where will we be then? Will you take care of me? Will you pay my fuckin’ bills?

But! Here is my solution. That Stimulus Package we are all coveting? You will get to see me cash it after you've signed it and MAYBE I’ll give you bus fare.

::sigh::

I know what you’re going to say, ‘bump him off your plan’.

One day, one day my heart will indeed be ice and he’ll have to walk that high wire without his chump of a safety net!

See that? And I don't even have kids! I shouldn't have this type of stress in my life!

Another Monday that sucked monkey balls! Can you guys please click on Humor-Blogs for me even if you know all I do is rant?

There is NOTHING natural about THIS male enhancement!

I was up early one morning (5:57!!! IN THE MORNING!!), having been rudely awakened by a shout of "I want to go potty but can't open the door!" (no, it wasn't Andy.) and then said offender promptly went back to sleep in her princess castle tent (NO, STILL NOT ANDY! Although, I can see why you'd be confused.) after I bruised my rusty old shoulder by slamming it against the freakin' bathroom door!

Anyway, Andy left for work and I stayed up to guard against such things as dogs that like to lick little cheeks and bark at nutin' so I was able to catch this very bizarre- no CREEPY commercial.

BEHOLD! The Creepiest Male Enhancement commercial ever to disgrace your television!


I don't know who cast this commercial but they need to be replaced and/or put before a firing squad.


I used to hang out with this chick named uh Leslutty, if you're a male and live in Illinois (or Indiana, Wisconsin, Kentucky, Iowa, Nevada, California...) you've probably *met* her ::wink wink::, whose only requirement to get to know you better was the offer of a free drink. Well, I think I can say that even she would pass on this sleazeball! Maybe.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. I mean, look at the line of women waiting to sit on Sleazeball Santa's lap! I think there's even a SENIOR CITIZEN in that line!!
**Not that I'm judging since even they need some lovin'.**



Look how happy the lucky lady who gets to be first to sit on his male enhanced lap is! Now thousands of men will rush out and buy this male enhancement doozeit so they can have a line of women dying to... what?? [I just threw up a little bit.]


But wait! There's more!
If you order now, we'll send you the Santa beard for free!

I never knew being home would prove to be so entertaining! Maybe I'll quit my job and just report on absurd commercials. Good idea?

You know what's a good idea? Clicking on Humor-Blogs for me. Thank you!

P.S.
I'm off to see Indiana Jones today. Even though I've heard bad things (-Brother Dan but he likes The Klumps and that explains him) but I'm going to see it with an open mind and a hungry stomach! For nachos!
Early in the morning so there are no people with their little terrors offspring.

Abstinence. A Cowgal and her cock + of rainbows and micey sox.

Listen up Everybody.

I need to make something very clear!

Having a precious little cutie in my arms DOES NOT (it's even underlined for emphasis) make me want to throw Andy on the floor and make him a MAN! (you know, again)(for the sole purpose of sprouting mini people)

IN FACT!

The opposite! Andy and I went home and had the "You don't yearn, do you?" talk. We agreed that the only yearning we have is for chocolate cake at midnight with a Tums chaser. MMMMMMM

So no.

NO BABY for this chick [pointing at myself] and that dude [pointing at Andy sleeping on the couch]!

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On to the cock!

I'd like y'all to meet my friend Jean Knee. She lives in a far off land known as TEXAS.

Below is a picture of her in her 20s alongside her young trusty cock. I'd like you to wish her a Happy Birthday!

As you can see, this was before the cock had matured and was still pale and flaccid.

He looks nothing like the powerful virile cock we know now! He learned many things along his journey of self dicovery thanks to his Cowgal Master, Jean Knee.



Happy Birthday Jean Knee!!!

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SOXY SOX!
On a more smelly note, I was a part of Elastic's Sooxy Exchange along with some other sooxy women. I got mine from Nancy Face. Now, I have to admit that prior to them gracing a stinky foot, they smelled nice. BUT!! After a long hard day of going here there and everywhere... well, let's just say they don't smell like roses.

This was way cool and I'm game for another swap!

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT PARTNER SWAPPING! I guard my Andy with a Whip and a Pistol! ;o)

The model was paid in Cheetos.

P.S.
If you have it in your dear hearts to click on Humor-Blogs, I'd really appreciate it!

Even those of you who arrived here via the *cock cowgal* search. Thanks!

P.P.S.
Am I the only person with a vajajay that doesn't give a rats ass about the movie Sex and the City?? Sarah J Parker makes me want to kill my TV. (We all know TVs are people) I also don't get the magnetic pull to Grey's Anatomy.