Happy in marriage happy online. (OR REVERSED)

Oh my gawd you guys!!!

I just noticed one of my arms is darker than the other!

I know what you’re thinking “Big deal it happens to everybody!”

No. Not like this!

One arm looks like I’m Erik Estrada’s long lost sister (in his Ponch days) and the other one looks like I bought it off of Christina Ricci’s stolen appendages store (look for it on Ebay)!

Oh well. Enough melodrama.

I want to thank all of y’all rockin’ readers that voted for me at H-B. You guys are the monkey’s banana-ass!



Also, I feel like a total star cuz I got the FIRST EVER (in the history of H-B) SAD FACE from an asswipe by the name of “Caleb”. That makes me feel like Angelina Jolie’s better looking sister. So, even though Caleb is not his real name, his asshole-ness is real enough. (But I’m not bitter)
. FUCKER!
Moving on.
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I've been complaining to Andy about my laptop being s l o w for a while but he's been so busy saving the world from 3 legged Orcs that my issues have not been his top priority.

I got sick and tired of looking at porn blogs while the freakin' thing dragged so I told him, he fixes it or I leave him. Weirdly, this threat worked! Who knew he'd want me around?

Anyway, Andy and I make up the perfect couple. I'm savvy when it comes to html (sort of) and downloads and up loads and shit loads but he's good at maintaining viruses and spy stuff off our computers.

This was our conversation today:

Andy:
Bee! I want to send you a video, how do I do it?

Bee:
Embed it and email it to me.

Andy:
Wah??

Bee:
Click where it says embed. Hit copy. Open your e-mail. Why are you clicking on my name once and just staring? Either hit create or double click! Okay now type something and then click on the insert hyperlink. No, not there! There! Okay now control V. Okay send.
Easy right?
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Later, when he's diagnosing my laptop.
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Andy:
How many times have you defragglerocked the thrombosis?

Bee:
Dewhat the what now?

Andy:
You've got to dehootermuhfy the dagibagib.

Bee:
You know what? How about you just do it and we be done with it?
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What I'm trying to say is, I am now reading your blogs at the speed of light thanks to my defragglerockzation!

Later chivatos!
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Andy? Can I go to the movies with my sister? It starts at 9pm. Just Nancy and I. No, we're not going to a bar. Just a movie. We're going to see Get Smart. I know it'll let out late and it'll be passed my bedtime but- ... Oh come on! We're not gonna go trolling for dudes! She JUST had a baby and I'm kind of attached to you!
...

...
Hey!

Are you guys still here eavesdropping?? Go home already! (yes, he did *let* me go)

They can call me Popeye-ette. Like Smurfette only in fisherman language.

I felt like regurgitated dog shit on Sunday (I wish I could say it was from partying over the weekend but sadly it wasn't) so I spent my day indoors watching a Deadliest Catch marathon.

I was bragging to Andy telling him how I could be a fisherwoman*.
How I could haul those pods and bait them, then drop them back in, count out the pinchy crabbers with their long ass legs. I could withstand 20 foot waves and freezing temperatures. I definitely would be an ace at breaking ice off the rails and winches (I think that's a real thing).

Andy told me to go for it since it's seasonal and I can make tons of money while still keeping my job at the Asylum. He'd like to be a stay-at-home-husband with curlers in his hair and just emerge from his dungeon to use the bathroom.
I was going to start packing up my stuff and look up plane tickets -I WAS PUMPED!!- but then I remembered I have rusty-old-shoulder-syndrome that prevents me lifting anything over 15 lbs...

DAMNIT!! I really wanted to go!!

Oh well, it's probably for the best considering I get hysterical when I'm on a boat and can't see land.

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Okay. Some of you are wondering what is going on with Humor-Blogs. You're currently thinking "Bee, I want you to be on top but I'm not sure how to get you there!"

Well my compadres, I appreciate your support but there are a couple of glitches in your plan to propel me to super-stardom (don't worry, I'm already there IN MY HEAD).

First, you have to sign up for Humor-Blogs.
What? You don't have a blog and/or you don't want to add your blog to H-B? Don't worry my friends, you don't have to. Just sign up and click on the "Just want to rate blogs" thingamajig then you'll be half way there!

Next, you have to click on the laughing face just beneath the title of my post once you're at Humor-Blogs.
THE LAUGHING FACE.

If you click on the smiling one, your point will NOT count. It has to be the LAUGHING one. If you click on the sad face, you will be detracting points from me and I've already threatened people, world wide, on the foolishness of inciting my wrath.

Are you confused? Me too!
Voting for me is entirely up to you, I won't ban you if you don't. ;o)
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*Spellcheck is telling me there is no such thing as a fisherwoman but they are suggesting WASHERWOMAN... it figures that spellcheck would be a MAN!

Don't give ME your garbage!

Last Sunday, I took my niece Natalia to see Wall-E.
She's an incredibly intelligent little 5 year old and GOT THE MESSAGE (while I napped and made fun of the boneless fatties).


Take care of Earth, be responsible, recycle blah blah blah...
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She knew all these things already because of her cool Tia Bee (me) but seeing Wall-E really drove the point home.
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Today, I called my sister and told her to come over for some yummy grillin' by Chef Bee and her sidekick Andy (I do the cooking, he is my sous chef)(well, kind of since I have to give him detailed instructions on how to cut, dice and slice)(and what knife to use)(and to stop waving the knife around like a light-saber).



When my sister and her two little girls arrived, Natalia said she had something for me. I jumped around like a drunken boxer wondering what surprise this little angel could have brought me.

She gave me a plastic bag that felt a little light but that's okay, I'm sure it was something from the heart. It didn't have to be big or expensive.

I opened the bag.

Looked inside.

And saw.

Garbage.

You heard me right. I said GARBAGE!



You see, my sister's complex doesn't have a recycling area so she brought it to me, as a favor, because she knows how much I LOVE TO RECYCLE!

I looked at my sister, she was laughing her ass off!
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I'm putting both of them up for adoption!

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And now, views of my purrty garden.